Yes it is #mentalhealthday2019 and so I thought I would write a blog about Looking after your mind, as our minds are power machines and a lot goes on in them.
Looking after your mind is critical in helping you to be the powerful person you have always wanted to be, but sometimes our minds can work against us, if we aren’t careful, and so we have to learn to reprogram them to look at our lives differently, with our thoughts and fears.
So how do you do that?
I have discovered through having an eating disorder, having social anxiety, general anxiety and depression that you need focus on what you can do to make a difference.
She explains that passion isn’t in an object, a person or a job, for example, but it is within yourself, and it is energy.
What gets you excited to get up in the morning?
So stop searching for things that aren’t there, but things that are, and go through what brings a smile to your face.
I keep talking on this site about #keepingajournal, and the reason for that is because it is a great way to brain dump all your thoughts and fears, and then find out and get to grips with:
Why you are having those feelings?
What are the triggers?
What can I do today that would help me feel better
– Practice #selfcare example, take a bath, get your hair done, create a gratitude journal and write about all the things you do like about yourself, put some make up on or just chill and relax,watching reality TV if that’s what you like or soaps.
– Create a mood board and use your planner to keep track of how you feel each day and make a list of everything that would help you feel better that day.
– Do something new or learn something. If there is something you have wanted to learn about then now is the time to do that, as there are so many free courses out there.
It is all about making those changes to help stabilize your mind and whenever you feel low or afraid, do talk to someone because there are people who will listen.
I have been getting help from Surrey and Borders Partnership, which is #mentalhealth support you can get from the NHS, as my anxiety got so bad I ended up in hospital. I was having heart palpitations and thought that someone was after me.
It was horrendous and would never want anyone to go through that, and is why I support #mentalhealthcharities. I got help and so can you.
They will go on your terms not on theirs. So do get support if you feel that you can’t take life anymore or life is getting too much, because it can. Life can be a juggling act and can affect the mind, and so it is important for ourselves and our love ones who often are affected by someone with mental illness too, to get support and help.
Never feel alone if you have mental health problems, because you are not.
My son’s school raised money for the #helloyellow which supports young people with mental health. They had all the children wear something yellow to support #worldmentalhealthday.
When it comes to mental health it can affect anyone no matter who they are, so it is good that now we are making everyone aware of it, and that people are now getting support.
I post on this blog on a weekly basis and to keep up to date with my blogs then you can do so my following me on WordPress.com. If you have struggled with mental illness and you came out of it, then please tell me your story, I would really like to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.
Get yourself a notebook, or a piece of card or pin board, and put everything from pictures, to articles to video clips that inspire you, as this can help with anxiety and feelings of depression.
It is good to have a focus. I want to create my inspiration board for this blog, as there are videos and stories, I have come across through Youtube and books that have inspired me and could inspire you too.
I support mental health 100% because I have had mental health problems too, and can effect anybody, whether they are a millionaire to someone living on the streets, and can effect us at any point. Sometimes it may not be for one reason, but for many reasons.
I found this video on Youtube, by Tulisa, who was part of a band called N Dubz and an X Factor judge. She shares her story and others in this documentary, of young carers who’s parents had suffered with mental health, and how it can have a growing impact on young peoples lives.
It makes me think of Henry, when he grows up, I hope he doesn’t have to be my carer when I am older, or will he suffer the same as he grows to have feelings and emotions.
I hope you find this video inspiring too, and let me know of videos and stories that you have found inspiring, I would be interested to find out.
Wasn’t sure where I wanted to write this blog, but I felt I needed to add it to this site, as when we are trying to conquer our goals, the one thing that can stop us is isolation. We can often feel like we aren’t part of society and alone.
When I feel isolated the one thing I do is get out of the house and go for a walk. The worst thing you can do is to stay in doors, home alone. Getting out is important, as isolation usually means you need a new environment, and space.
Feeling isolated can lead us to feeling depressed, so getting out will help stop the cobwebs, which is what I call depressive thoughts, from emerging.
If you do get invited out, unless there is trouble getting to somewhere, take up the invite and go.
Isolation means you need to be with people, and you probably find that they too have felt isolated and alone, all they needed just like you, a friend.
If someone does talk to you, give them acknowledgement, instead of trying to ignore them.
It is so easy at times to isolate yourself especially if you are a new mum for example, but this is where meeting other mums for example, can really help. Knowing you aren’t alone in feeling like you a walking meal on tap, as from my own experience, as much as I love my son I did feel often like a walking cow.
Getting out is important for isolation and a new environment can really do the trick.
Christmas can bring a mixture of emotions. There are those that thrive at Christmas who can’t wait to get out their Christmas Reef and decorate their home and attend those every year get together’s with family and their work Christmas parties.
Then there are those who dread this time of year. They feel uncomfortable when it comes to being given a gift, as they aren’t used to showing delight, and now they feel they have to put on a show of gratefulness. Even if it is another pair of PJ’s or socks.
Dreading the Christmas party all those people in one room, to some there is nothing worse.
Reading an article on the website http://www.mind,org.uk in the UK 1 in 4 adults feel anxious about social gatherings during the festive period. I felt it the other day, when I went to attend a Mulled Wine and Mince pie evening at my son’s nursery. It was to look at our beautiful children’s art work and discuss about our children and how they were getting on at the nursery.
There was one point when talking I felt myself begin to stutter and became tongue tied and self aware, so as soon as I felt I was doing it, I stopped took a breath just for a second and then carried on.
It is learning the triggers of when you feel the anxiety and self consciousness step in, that can help you. To me it feels like a I have a widget just above the stomach and I can feel it raising higher up into my chest.
Also it is okay to say you have an issue aswell. I talked to them about me as a child and what my fears were at having my own children that they would go through the same feelings I did at nursery and at school, and it really helped.
Talking to someone about it first going through the feelings you feel can really make a difference.
If you are dreading the Christmas party, as with all the mind matters that I write about, one thing I would always recommend is to write it down and take perspective on your feelings.
Ask yourself when did these feelings begin?
Knowing how it feels when you dread meeting with people I want to help others to prevent those fears and feelings too. So addressing the history of those feelings, like if you have suffered bullying, you are paranoid because a passed event took place and it plays on your mind still and you worry in case it may happen again, is a great place to start.
You are worried about what to wear, you are fed up of feeling you don’t fit in, and that like I experienced in one of my work places, they only found me fun when I was drunk.
The last time I saw these particular colleagues was when I had met up with them in London, and we were having a laugh, I had a drink and I had decided to pop to the lavatory.
Coming back and retrieving my drink, I noticed it was suddenly tasting funny. It was only when I pressed the person who was looking after my drink, got stroppy and said “We’ve put a Tequila in it” and laughed. I was quite taken aback and I didn’t say anything but I was not happy.
They basically spiked my drink.
Now I am always up for a laugh, but the one thing I do not agree with doesn’t matter what it is. You should never spike someones drink. It is so dangerous, and what if I had, had a sudden allergic reaction. You just never know and people have and so from that night I decided perhaps it would be best to stay away.
I have never been in contact with them again.
It did make me avoid work parties and I only began to go out with my friends I know from school and I know I can trust.
Going back and addressing the issues that first caused you to have the feelings of social anxiety can help you. Anxiety, as I have spoken in a video about, see video below, is an emotion that is there to protect us, but not control us.
When we have anxiety of any form it can usually be the “What if’s and who is going to be there”, “What if I trip and fall, I have my skirt tucked into my knickers again like last time”. It can be a medical issue that can hold us back. If you are worried about your breath, you are bloated and don’t want to break wind in front of everyone when having chat and a drink.
I know people will laugh at this, but it can be something that worries people and causes them to fear other people.
So work out what had triggered these feelings from the beginning
Then ask what could be the best thing about the Christmas party? What good things could happen?
This will help you to get in touch with your positive part of the brain.
It can feel at times so easy to listen to the negative part of the brain, because if something does happen, it’s that holding up your guard, as if to say you had kind of expected it, in some way, then it won’t be such a blow to the system if something does happen.
If that is the case let me ask you, will it make you feel any better knowing you were right that the worse thing did happen?
Another way of addressing such issues, is by grabbing a notebook, and right the best things about (using the Work Christmas Party as an example) of what could happen and why you should go, then number each line, from 1 to 5, and write down 5 things, doesn’t have to be an essay or many words, but to the point, of the really good things that can come out of the evening with your colleagues.
Example:
I get to see my friend from another department I don’t always get to see
A great opportunity to grow my own network of contacts in my work place
I will get to wear that black dress I bought ages ago
My friend is going so I won’t be entirely on my own
All my colleagues have all said they would be really happy to see me there
Then on another page or underneath that write a list of 5 things, that you are worried about.
Example:
I am worried about my skin looking too pale
I feel like mutton dressed as lamb
Not all my colleagues in my department are going
I fear I may not know many other work colleagues there
What if I am not able to make conversation
Recap:
Address when your social anxiety started
Then get in touch with the positive side of the brain to think of the good things about going to your work Christmas party
Then go through the list of things that is worrying you
Then you want to from 1 to 10, mark down the possibilities of each item you are worried about. For example, I am worried about looking too pale and if you feel the probability is a 9 out of 10, then what would help reduce that probability?
You watch programmes like TOWIE where it is fake tan galore and perfect skin and nails, but remember they have been dolled up for entertainment and would have spent ages in hair and make up.
There is no harm in pampering yourself, build the areas you do like about yourself.
To address the first item you are worried about, list 5 things you do like about your body and appearance.
I wouldn’t recommend sunbeds due to how bad they are for you, but you can get tinted moisturisers. Exfoliate first and then use tinted body cream or wash off tan.
Make sure you choose a tone that suits your skin. The last thing you want to look is orange, but have a healthy glow. However I do think pale skin can suit a lot of people. There are stars like Nigella Lawson, who oozes paleness and was seen as a domestic goddess.
What would increase your confidence in this area?
Again list 5 things.
Example:
Choose an item of clothing that will help reduce the paleness. For example, red always suits me and blues. Finding the right colour clothing for your skin tone can make a huge difference.
Show the assets I do like. Do you have a cleavage, do you like your legs or arms?
There is an outfit that always suits me. Go and look at it and put it on and ask yourself, why this outfit always gains me compliments?
My hair, I always get people saying how lovely my hair is. What could I do that will make me feel more elegant and take the eyes of my pale skin?
Could I be anaemic? I am being serious, I was pale as a child a lot and it turned out that I had a low immunity especially during my periods, so you may be lacking some iron in your body. Worth getting checked out.
Then do the same for the next one in your worried list.
Addressing the issue is the key to finding a solution. Once you find a solution then you can start putting pieces of the puzzle together to help build your social insecurities
You have to be honest with yourself. The more honest you are the more you will find the answers and be able to help build your confidence in social situations.
Then write 5 things of how you will feel if you don’t go to the Christmas party?
Example:
I will feel that I missed out and there will be loads of chatter about it in weeks to come, and I won’t feel part of it causing me to feel even more left out
Relieved but guilty, due to people asking why I wasn’t there
Childish and defeated
Missed a great opportunity to form stronger relationships with colleagues. Some evenings, in my experience, I have had out have been the best way to get to know people and form friendships at work. People outside of the working environment, tend to be more relaxed when socialising with work colleagues once the working day has finished
Annoyed at myself for not having the guts to go, and now I feel like I have taken a step backwards
Then close your eyes thinking about what you have written, play the movie of the image of you at the Christmas party. Picture both images, the areas where you are worried, and the areas where you have written down that you feel would be a good idea to go to the Christmas party.
Start to reduce the negative image of you at the Christmas party and increase the positive image.
Keep imagining this until the negative image is a dot and the positive image is so big you feel you can almost touch it, then imagine the negative image going completely. Do this several times, before the party, and this will really help you to fight against the anxiety and not allow your social anxiety to hold you back.
I really hope you find this blog helpful and many thanks for reading,
For some, this time of year is the time to be jolly and excited about gifts they will receive or buy, and seeing friends and family they haven’t seen for a long time.
Then there are others who will be on their own at Christmas. The percentage of the elderly who feel lonely has increased this year, and I find it so sad, but at the same time I do identify with those feelings.
There have been times when I have felt alone, I was never a girl who had loads of boyfriends, and my friends once they began to see boys, often created a new circle so the circle I had with them, started to fade too.
When talking to one of my friends, even when she had a boyfriend she still often felt lonely.
If you look up the word Lonely on the internet you’ll see the definition on Google browser to mean,
“sad because one has no friends or company”,
but even when we have company if we feel unattached to the people around us, we can feel lonely too.
So I feel the word “Lonely” to be sometimes defined incorrectly.
I see it as someone who feels unattached from the world and the people around them.
Listening to a phone in on the ITV 1 program This Morning, a lady called up saying how Lonely she felt, she felt she had no one. She had tried going to a local club, but still she was one her own.
Feeling like we have no one can send us to the rock bottom and that can lead to depression, falling down a steep hole as I have often seen it, and it is a battle to try and get out of the hole, dropping deeper and deeper.
What I would say is, write a list of the people who you do know, or have known. I often find that writing about my feelings as I have written in many of my blogs, to be so useful and I would always recommend keeping a journal.
I have kept a journal all the time, and have done so from a young age, maybe not continuously filling it in everyday, but have always had one there so when I need to, I know it is there for me to share my thoughts and fears. I have different ones, my everyday bullet journal which is a quick note down of my day and what is coming up, a one where I share all happy thoughts and memories and another for all my personal fears and feelings.
A Self Help book I would recommend is a book called “Mindfulness on the go” written by Padraig O’Morain, a bit of peace in your pocket.
Mindfulness on the Go a definite book I recommend helps you reattach yourself with the people and world around you.
This will help re-attach you to the world. Be with the world around you, look at the buildings, the roads, people, cars going by, nature and will help you have peace with yourself.
Before you can attach yourself back to the world, you have to build the confidence within yourself.
How are you supposed to be happy with the world and make friends, if you don’t make friends with yourself and be happy with yourself?
Take the pressure off, don’t push yourself to go to the local club you have checked out, until you are ready. Take gradual steps.
Mindfulness helps you to concentrate on your breathing whilst appreciating the things that are around you.
Walking through my local common for example and being mindful, has really helped me when I have felt low and helped to reattach myself, and see that there is a magnificent world out there.
Getting in touch with nature, visiting a local farm, a zoo, or just going for a quiet walk not particularly having a plan of where to go, but just getting to know the place you live again, and as you do so, if someone says good morning, afternoon or evening, say it back.
I have noticed since walking through my local common how often other people are a lot more friendlier, and appear to be happier, and there is at least one person who will greet me and notice me. There is something about nature that helps others relax and be approachable.
Go for a coffee and if someone smiles or you see someone looking for somewhere to sit and they to are on their own too, why not ask them to join you?
This is one of my husband and I’s regular ways we reattach having a coffee together, or spending sometime away from where we live, having a few drinks and a bite to eat. Being by the sea can really make a difference in your feelings. I always feel happy with my life and get to know people when I am in a peaceful surrounding.
It is the little things that create the big things in life, and sometimes as a couple it can be so easy with work and children to become unattached from each other, that you start to feel lonely. So having sometime just the two of you, can really make all the difference.
A good way to help loneliness is to take on a challenge. Back when I was living in the South Coast of England, there was a period where I would look in the mirror at myself and cry and I felt like my life wasn’t going anywhere.
It was in May 2005 when I knew I had to change things. I decided I was once and for all going to make fitness a part of my everyday lifestyle and set myself up on a challenge. The year 2008 I took on the Great North Run. Something I never thought I would ever do.
It was the biggest thing I had ever achieved in my life and it proved to myself that if I wanted to make a change in my life and create better things, I was capable of doing so. Taking on the Great North Run was what I needed to make me see what I could do when I put my mind to it. There were people who didn’t even know me, but took an interest and gave me a cheer on.
Open your eyes at the people next door or who have invited you out and you have turned them down. If you have kept saying no and they no longer ask you, that is because once people often hear the word “No” they will stop asking. You will be surprised that they will then miss your company too. So if you see them again, why not ask them if you can finally take them up on their offer and join them.
I have often felt lonely as a new mum, feeling isolated and I still do at times. I still even now that Henry is 3 years old, still feel at times that I am getting things wrong, but then I look at my boy, who is very healthy, very sociable, happy and loves to explore and I know I must be doing something good, right? It has made me more confident, it has helped me chat to other mums who are feeling the same and just having a chat to them can make all the difference to them too.
Motherhood is challenging and if you are a mum feeling lonely then remember the little creation you have bought into the world. Giving birth is a challenge in itself, so taking on other challenges that will give you a chance to meet other a people, like a charity walk or run, will really help you beat the loneliness.
It has been a while since I wrote a blog on this site. Sometimes when you feel that you need to step back in order to add more, it is time to do more soul searching and learn from others.
There were still some things I needed to work on for myself.
Since creating this blog, I started creating videos on YouTube talking about Self Confidence as to build a better foundation and future, you do have to address certain issues.
Please see my last video I did about Self Confidence talking about Relationships.
I apologise I hadn’t followed on doing any videos about my relationship with my husband as I was going to do some videos to celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary but other family events took over.
However I will do more. I think when you find a good relationship with people, your writing like me, family and other things in your life, it can be a juggling act to maintain a good stable relationship, but for me it is all about compromising and prioritising. What is more important? Cleaning or helping my son with his development? for example.
It doesn’t mean that you won’t get that cleaning done, it just means that you will when it is a good time too.
To continue to build this website, I knew I needed to take a breather from it and really research, and it has done me good.
Trying out new and different things, has helped like, for example I did have a Mind Management page on my Carriesrealworld website, but I just didn’t feel it, I felt it had more presents on this blog website. So all my Self confidence videos will now be on this website.
Taking some time out from this blog site has helped to be able to add more to the blogs on this site. Learning from others and being inspired is what I truly love. Not copying that is an entirely different thing altogether, but inspired by how easy it can be once you learn how to address certain emotions and challenges that come your way.
I have experienced financial challenges recently, but I know this is just for now and it will change. When I hit a bump in the road it makes me “STOP”, “LOOK”, and “CHANGE”. That is what we need to do when challenges come our way to take control.
People may say “Well you obviously wasn’t paying a attention to what you were spending”. Well actually I was. I knew where that money was going. I do a budget each month, I do coupon, I do keep my receipts and keep a spreadsheet of my expenses, but I also knew that this would be the last time I would splurge for the year. Now it is back to the drawing board, and save money for this part of the year, as I do have my son’s birthday, aswell as my mum’s and my brothers, then my step dads and my sister-in-law, and then Christmas. I also do have debts to clear still, which I have also been concentrating on.
I am not going to hit myself over the head anymore, I am sick of doing that. Instead I like to reflect and take action. I am pleased with what I bought, it was my birthday and also my husband and I, had to travel to Lincoln for a family funeral, so it wasn’t all on things, but on real important items.
So taking the time out that I had, and with other things that I know has effected my feelings about myself is a good way of looking at those things from the outside. It makes you see where that particular thing needs to be worked on, for there to be that good relationship and for the relationship to continue.
So I am ready to write again, on this website and help more people build their castles to a better life and wellbeing.
Once you have been bullied you always have that fear of it happening again. Since being a victim of bullying myself I have learned how to spot the signs of a bully by their body language, how they progressively change; do they let the whole world know when you have done something they have not been happy with? Or told everyone around them when your backs been turned and purposely not done something and blamed you for the mistake or something they were supposed to do but didn’t?
They may put on a front at first and be all nice to you, but as soon as you start settling in at school or work, the behaviour and character starts to waiver and change. They may start by nit picking on things, by commenting on your personal image, they may start to act different in front of certain people when they are talking to you; do they pull faces as they are speaking you?
It doesn’t matter whatever level the person is, weather it is a school pupil, another colleague or if you feel a teacher or a manager is coming across as aggressive, confrontational as if they want to intimidate you then this can be the beginnings of a bully’s behaviour. If you come across anyone starting to make you feel isolated, spreading rumours or making you feel uncomfortable then you have the right to speak out and take action.
Let the bullies know you are not going to stand for the way they are being towards you, or rise to their level of abuse or wrong behaviour. You do not have to sit their in silence and you do have the right to tell them, that they are being wrong and you wish to do a good job but their behaviour towards you is effecting you from doing a good job, and if it continues you will take action to stop it from happening.
Here is a blog I am subscribed to which also talks about bullying, from someone who has also been targeted by bullies.
If you are a victim of bullying then have no fear, and please you deserve to be treated with respect by people and no one has the right to bully you.
It can have a massive impact on someone’s confidence, I know I have been there and I am so glad I did fight back and I didn’t allow it to control my life. You must not allow it to control yours either.
The way of stopping these bullies is to close the barrier on them and report what they are doing, otherwise if it isn’t you, it is more than likely to happen to someone else. Bullies usually will have issues of their own, which is no excuse and for them to understand that what they are doing is unacceptable you have the right to stand up to them. An easy way is to say “No you will not treat me this way” and take action by reporting it to your teachers or to your employer.
See my directory of websites set up to help those who are a victim of bullying or you know someone in your family or a friend who is being bullied. The thing about bullying it can upset the people around you too, as they can fill helpless and they want to fight back on your behalf but they worry because of the worse implications on you. They wish to protect you, but don’t want to make things worse.
So please fight back. I would encourage anyone who has been a victim of bullying to talk about it as it is the only way we will make people, schools, the communities, and companies know what it is going on, and more action needs to be taken.
Please see link to a page where I have put a link to an example of a bullying Policy which is your evidence to say to your school, college or company that “I am being bullied and it states in this, the action that will be taken when bullying is reported, and so I wish to do that and I wish for it to stop”.
Low self esteem isn’t something you are born with but is something that is triggered by someone or something, it can lead to other psychological problems. In terms of myself it was,
Comparing myself to others
Bullying
Not feeling comfortable when my body began to change as I became a teenager
It took me a while for me to accept myself, and even struggled when I got married and wouldn’t watch my wedding video or pictures of myself at my mums wedding because of the way I felt about myself. I knew I couldn’t continue to feel this way, and so I began to make changes in my life, as I didn’t want to look back in my 70’s should I reach that age, knowing that all I did is feel bad about myself. The changes had to come from me. To do that I began learning from others using tools and exercises to get in touch with my positive feelings and side of the brain. Instead of wanting to do something I started to do it, such as exercise and taking up walking long distances and running.
I got back into writing and blogging, where I did another blog about building self confidence which was called Building self confidence- Feeling like the ugly duckling. I began to educate myself about food, as I needed to change the way I saw food and my relationship with it. I had to take myself out of my comfort zone, and do things that I have always thought “I would love to do that one day” to “I am going to do that”. I remember one May in 2006 watching the London Marathon and thinking instead of saying I will do this one day I am going to do it, and I applied for the 2007 London Marathon, however didn’t manage to get a place, but I have been trying ever since. I had to stop running for a while when I became pregnant, however I have not stopped wanting to do this and I hope to finally get to do the Virgin London Marathon in the next couple of years.
I have since done other events, and still do them even after having my son and completed a Personal Best last in July 2015, when I did the British London 10K which I also did the year after, and completed another Personal Best. In the same year of completing the London 10K the second time, I then in September of 2016, took on the Royal Parks Half Marathon.
Exercise has become my therapy and my love for walking has grown even stronger, it is so good for the mind and clearing out your thoughts and have done walks for charity and each year, doing the London Bridges walk for Garden House Hospice.
This year 2016 on the 10th September I completed a 25KM walk, to take on the Thames Path Challenge.
I started off when I had a day off from work in the week because I was working at the weekend I would go for walks around London and walked one day from Wimbledon to Tower Bridge, and I used to when I worked in Kingston, walk from Kingston to Wimbledon and then Kingston to Epsom.
The walks weren’t always easy, there were hurdles sometimes in the way, diversions, or under passes which I am dubious about walking through and toilet breaks, fatigue can set in so you have to boost up your hydration and energy levels, but when I saw the finishing line, example when walking to Tower Bridge it gave me such a boost and looking back now it was like travelling through life.
Life has many paths and tunnels, and it is the paths and tunnels we choose to take that will help us to take the next stage in our lives. There will be challenges, and hurdles. However if you focus on the goal you want and take on the challenges, but continue to be determined and committed you can achieve the things you want in your life that will help you feel good about yourself and will help bring you happiness.
It is OK to say I want to change the way I look, but ask yourself why?
What is the real reason why you want to make this change?
Is it because of someone else or for yourself?
Asking the right questions will give you the right answers.
I knew the reason why I wanted to get fit was because I wanted to change the image I saw in the mirror by changing my lifestyle, getting in touch with my thoughts and produce the endorphin’s I needed. It did help me smile and realise what I could accomplish and what I do like about myself.
I have legs that can help me achieve goals that I never thought I could, a mind that can create ideas, hands that can help me to be creative and write and can use to exercise too, such as weight lifting. I have learned too cook new meals, met new people, I have been told I have a wonderful smile and people get a buzz from me when I am fully enjoying myself and happy
Another key thing in building yourself self confidence about yourself is learning to see why you have the family you do and what they see, and your friends’ Why you bring happiness to them?
When you feel negative that is all you see, you don’t see the positive. You will always focus on the negative “I don’t feel good about myself” so you need to change the view you are seeing. See what people see in you, take yourself out of you to see the good within you.
Watching This Morning yesterday they had The Speakmans on who specialise in Schema Conditioning Psychotherapy they were helping people who were lacking low self-esteem and they did an exercise where by they asked a couple of women who were suffering from low self-esteem to look at themselves in the mirror and tell them what (The Speakmans) they saw and thought about themselves. As these women were talking, Eva Speakman wrote down and got a stranger to read back to these ladies of what they thought about themselves.
Then they asked the ladies to think about the person who they loved and who loved them back what they would say about them and again Eva Speakman wrote this down and got them to read these comments back to themselves and then look at themselves again. Doing this exercise made them refocus their thoughts and get in touch with their positive side of the brain.
That is what you need to do is change your focus by doing these types of exercises and making lifestyle changes, writing down how you feel, looking at a time when you did feel happy about yourself or of a memory that makes you smile, expand that image and play it in your head as if it is a movie.
What was it back then that made you feel good about yourself or makes you smile? Write about this down.
Also as talked about in my first blog put all these in your dreams book or whatever you choose but in something you know you will keep and look back on, so when the negative thoughts creep back in, you can look at the positive images that you wrote about and remind yourself, you are beautiful and are special.
Creating a better image of yourself and thinking about what makes you happy, will help you to change the way you see yourself, and plan to get the life you want, and to look the way you want. You can feel good about yourself without making drastic changes, and if you want to make a change then you have the power to do so.
You just have to believe in yourself and go through what you do love at the moment about yourself and your life. Making a lifestyle change, learning to get in touch with your brain that sends you positive signals will help you to begin your journey into feeling good about yourself.
Please see ITV.com of the exercise The Speakmans did to help build self-esteem and I will be in my next blog writing about other tools, other changes and materials I have used to help feel good about myself.
I do not expect that the exercises and materials will work for everyone, however I know that they have helped me and can help others too.
This blog is to help those to thrive and build better confidence in their lives, who may have experienced bullying or have body confidence issues, mind issues, such as anxiety, have been scammed and now feel unprotected, and trying to give tips and advice on what I have learned dealing with these demons too.
I give help and advice on how to fight back on all issues, not allowing passed experiences, mind issues or body confidence issues, to hold you back from living your life. I provide blogs on how to rebuild yourself after being bullied as the after math of being bullied can be hard after your confidence being knocked by the people or group responsible.
I called it Everyone Can Build A Castle, because it is basically a symbolism that everyone can be have a fulfilling life, be successful in life and have their dreams come true. Making changes and altering their thought processes.
The first castles built were in the Norman times, and remember back then they wouldn’t have had the resources we had today, and so would have taken a team of people, who worked day and night to create these historic buildings on our lands.
You can have your own castle too, by creating what is meaningful around you, that brings you wellness, happiness, and what gives you strength.
Think about the walls of a castle and within those walls is your symbolism of what you want from each of those walls in your life, do you want a family of your own? a career? an expensive car? travel around the world?
WELL YOU CAN, ANYONE CAN. So imagine those things, imagine that the family you want is standing right in front of you, the career you would like, the expensive car you want and an image of you travelling around the world.
Write about that image you see, what are the colours, who is there with you, how are you feeling in this picture, or when you see the car you want or you doing the career you want, put the image in an envelope and leave it beside your bed or on a shelf in a draw so you can look back at it. Or put it in a photo frame as a pretty display so it reminds you of your goal.
Create a mind inspiration board of all the things you would like.
The next step is TAKE ACTION. Take control of what you choose to do next to help you towards your goal.
A = allow your imagination run and again have a special notebook, call it the dreams book or whatever title you want. Every time you think about what you like in your life to be like write about it, and see if it matches or has changed since the one you wrote before.
C = come up with a plan of how you will achieve the things you want in your life.
T = Time. give yourself a deadline of when you want the things on your plan to be done by.
I = Imagine yourself in a years time, what would you want to achieve? 2 years, 3 years, etc again write it down in your dreams book.
O = Once you have come up with your plan, deal with the things that keep holding you back and write them down.
N = Never say never, as anything is possible, just keep believing and lets start making that goal or dream come true.
I found making just one lifestyle change such as exercising, learning all the time, changing my appearance has helped to accept myself and have better wellness. I love the people and things I have in my life now. I have had my struggles but the one thing I have told myself I will not allow myself to feel, is low, but be more fulfilled and to be determined.
In order to win the fight against what life hands out you, you have to fight the fight, and look at the good things that are already around you and build each day to make it even better.
