Category Archives: Friendships and relationships

Pressures/how we can control it/the OPPP Pressure

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Posted by in Dreams and ambitions, Friendships and relationships, Love, New Beginnings, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Weekly posts

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I am guilty of pressure and the way it has formed my life and taken over at times. We have the pressure to keep things/objects, check out my blog post: https://neworganizedself.blogspot.com/2021/09/things-you-loved-once-upon-timechanged.html

We have pressure from people around us at times, places and the paths we have gone through (OPPP Pressures) Objects, people, places and paths.

Eight out of 10 of women have felt unable to cope in the past year – here's why we're so stressed | Women | The Guardian

The talk in the blog linked above about letting go of things that no we are no longer in love with, or it can be because you played football at pro level and now you don’t due to injury and you never knew it would end in that way and now have accept that, the life we knew it is no more.

Letting things change for the better. This can cause many fears and hold us back.

We have pressure to restart things like wanting to read a book each month but now its 3 months later and still reading the same book. I have been there and failed, so now I will read my books as I do read to a novel or a true story and self help books. I give myself two pages a day and so far this method is working.

Pressures lay down questions that we don’t always want to answer but we know they are there. Example: Dealing with personal pressures, “If I don’t like a job I am in should I just give it up and move on?” I have worked for many companies and had been in this position and I have walked out on some jobs, due to the pressure.

Be strong and guided, allow the pressure to be releast and out of your body. Meditation is brilliant for this and prayer, if you are religious of course but pull yourself back and go through what is really causing the pressure, and go through The OPPP method to take control and be out of the pressure you feel.

Take care of yourself and #bekind to yourself and we deserve to be happy and be let of stress caused by too much pressure.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

How to deal with loneliness and have more belonging

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Posted by in Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Love, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Weekly posts

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Hello and welcome! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for following me on this blog post and of my other blogs I write, https://carresversitilefashion.wordpress.com and https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com

So can you believe that loneliness can be different to people? it can and I have learned that it is as a kid I felt I didn’t belong and was scared of rejection, but its because I am a naturally social person depending on where I am and who with. As a kid I could not see it and felt very lonely and was told by many that I live in a world of my own.

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I was not sure of these words but in funny way I did see it as a compliment as it made me see early “I was my own person” and now glad I was different.

Being different to others is okay, its how to present yourself and many people who feel loneliness its because they don’t have the right people around them to feel fulfilled and we are naturally all social creatures, yet I have suffered with social anxiety. That can be lonely right there, and you feel that only you can see it yet they can’t and think I am unsocialable.

When I write this it makes me ask, does this sound strange? Perhaps but it is true, I do feed off from other people and if someone wants to talk to me, I do and not judge them. I loved it as a kid we would go on holiday with other families the area I spent my life as a child and loved them, and would go camping with them too. I loved this community of people and wish they were still in my life.

We can be lonely when we feel unwanted in a family and often its the excuse, “Well they are family” yet should we feel left out? I settle and get to feel comfort by giving people space, but let them see I am here if they want to talk to me. If I don’t like someone I do stay back and don’t engage, or if I feel wary of them and often let them approach me if they want to, or not.

It is all about setting, and if you feel self conscious around some people that can then make you want to go elsewhere or they pretend that they haven’t been out all day without you and then tell you as you believe that they just met, yet was a cock and ball story, knowing that you both know the truth. I am someone who basically sees it as, “If you want me as a friend that’s fine but don’t pretend that you do”. Every human can feel lonely event those that have lots of cash and no where to go.

With lonely comes honesty and often people want you to feel lonely because they think its gonna make you want them around, yet you don’t want them and it can be tough to let people go, but sometimes you just have to, to get beyond he loneliness.

Being lonely isn’t an attack on someone it is a feeling and about wanting to be part of a world you feel you aren’t. Give time to those who really care not those that don’t. Listen to good music, videos and podcasts or even an audiobook, that makes you feel loved and that there is magic in those that can give you a lift and since sociallising on the net I have neverr looked back and thanks to modern technology I have now kept in touch with all the friends I have and it is a lot.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

How do you make people listen when they don’t want to hear?

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Posted by in Boundaries, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, how to deal with those that drag you down, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Weekly posts, Work

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Hello and welcome! I am going to make sure I blog once or twice a week on this site, but with the school run, not be possible and so if you have been waiting for a new blog on this site, I apologise.

So topic of blog. How do you make people listen when they don’t want to hear?

How many of us have had this experience?

I know it can be a never ending battle, but if they aren’t willing to see things on your point of view, often they never will, so the ball is still in your court on that.

How important is it to have these people still in your life? You need to ask, as can you move away from them?

That is not always possible, but actions can speak wonders.

What do they bring you when you see them? There are people who can be super jealous which leads them to resent everything you say and just want to argue and what they seeing is that. You being happy reflects on them, when no they just using you as an excuse so if they don’t want to hear you, then don’t give them the time. Say to them “If you aren’t willing to listen then we can’t carry on as me being here is not making you happy and you want me to be, so lets talk or move on” this way you are still giving them choice without taking full control over them, but gives them something to think about.

I hate it when it feels like a tug of war, as then I end up not wanting to speak to them and there story has to be worse than yours and it becomes a battle of “Who’s story is the most important” and it should be equal. They listen to you and you listen to them.

Are we made on this planet to get on with everyone? In an ideal world perhaps but not realistically impossible, but you can still be polite rather than hostile and just keeping distant if you can’t move away from them completely.

So what are your thoughts? You can leave a comment below.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Summer Project 2021/Last day/Wiping the slate clean

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Posted by in career building, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, People, Personal Development, Summer project 2021, Weekly posts

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So to wipe the slate clean you have had to have a dilemma at some point, and argument with someone for example and because you can’t agree doesn’t have to be full blown argument, yet you want to say “Okay we can’t agree so I can’t meet you in the middle, but lets just say how we feel and l;eave it at that”, but often it can become more.

Often it can be about our passed and how you felt for each other, constant negativity, yet wiping the slate clean is to forget and forgive.

WE CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE OR BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE, BUT STILL BE RESPECTFUL, AND WHAT YOU DISH OUT IS WHAT YOU’LL RECEIVE BACK!

You go through who was it that started the argument? You go home and feel like slamming every door in the house, yet not resolved and you go through and througjh some more, and turning very angry that it arupts into spitefulness and pointing at every issue you have about them and they do the same, but after time can be fixed.

Often we just need a breather and time to reflect on how we feel about someone.

So if you are going through a break up do you wish to argue with this person everyday and be resentful all your life?

No! As if you never agree and it turns into attacking them and you, aren’t we all worth the time and effort to see if it can be over and return to being polite and civil? Yes it can.

Often we need to withdraw ourselves and be the first to make immense with that person rather than holding a constant grudge.

Does it depend on what they did?

Yes! It is all about giving chances and sitting down having a chat with them, and you can come to the poiint that you are laughing, but if staff towards you again to begin the argument again, it is then, you’ve given them a chance, now it is time to walk away.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Summer Project 2021/Can your family history and your own history dictate your future?

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Posted by in Creating new traditions, Everyday living, Friendships and relationships, Love, People, Personal Development, Summer project 2021, Weekly posts

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Summer times for me as a kid was getting out even when it rained to different places and meet different people and my holidays as a kid were full of having fun and long lasting memories. Now I trying to do the same for my son and other children that I may have, and I do like have a happy journal and try to keep those memories going, and one day the can read to look back themselves.

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I think your family history can have a massive input on how you are when becoming an adult, and I loved going on holiday with a lot of families it made them extra special and it introduced different cultures and socialising.

When it comes to history it can dictate your future as you find that you are forever learning and it is good to have things you learned as a kid into your world as aduilt, like for example, working in a Holiday Camp, as my first holidays were spent in Clacton and it has influenced me to wanting to holiday again and would love to go on a holiday and rent a cabin.

I come from a huge family and loved it when I saw my relatives and looking back on the Christmases we had, sorry about mentioning the C word only being Auigust and near to Setpember, made me want to have similar Christmases and do all the things I have dreamed of doing. My nan loved it when we, my family all got together and was very family orientated.

My nan was very good at looking after people, and for me along with my Nanny rose were proper grandparents and I still love horse racing and have gone to see it as a kid and would love to do this again, and my one dream since a kid was to go to a ladies day meeting, and dress up.

So family history can definitely dictate the future, but of the good things to make more good things in your life today and the future and learn from the bad to not make the same mistakes as want others have made and yourself.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Summer Project 2021/Build your expectations on your terms

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Posted by in Dreams and ambitions, empowerment, Everyday living, Friendships and relationships, Goal setting, Love, People, Personal Development, Summer project 2021, Weekly posts, Youtube videos

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So first of all I today did a video talking Expectations in a regular video I do talking about The Truth Of Growing up, and so check out if you wish too.

Expectations are always going to be there from other people and from yourself too, but it should be on your terms, and what I mean by that is that often others can expect too much, and should be what will help you individually to raise the bar and be done gradually.

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I am someone who jumps into something with both feet, when I would go to dancing school, when I first began working and even when I would write books as a kid, expected my first book I wrote as an adult, would it be well received, yet reading it back, some details were in correct as when you have a child you do get baby brain, but it was telling my story of a first time mother and the things that I never knew about until I became a parent. If you would like to check out my books The Parenting Adventures under may married name then they are available from Amazon (name Carrie Challoner) as I now use my maiden, Carrie Holmes or Carrie Lee Holmes.

When you get married everyone expects you to be already planning to have kids, yet its not a fairy story, it is real life and I am glad I never rushed into marriage as it was four years later and that I got married and then it was a while until I had my son Henry. Me and Henry, My son’s dad have split and we been together a long time, but we still make sure that Henry sees us both.

With all relationships there is an expectation from you and them, to be on the same page and terms, and that they are there to hold your hand and listen and want to see you to wind down and to catch up of what of how they have been and the same for you. Yet friendships can then be tested by others who get resentful and that it is a tug of war, where that person then says “Who is your bestest friend” and this continues from experience to adult age and you think not, but true.

Again if they expect you to meet you when it suits them, then is this a expectation of “Your here to see me not you” and that is where the expectation is impossible to reach, due to other things in your life. Friendship is a two way street and be fair.

So you raise the expectations not them.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Summer Project 2021/Keeping Your Head Above the water/Some People are interested in you, others aren’t

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Posted by in Dreams and ambitions, Everyday living, Friendships and relationships, New Beginnings, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Printables, Related pages, Summer project 2021, Weekly posts, Youtube videos

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Hello and welcome! If you would like to see the videos I have done so far on this new Project then here is a link to this and other content can be found there too:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

I have created a new printable for you to go through making changes and write about your current situation:

my-next-printable-for-my-summer-project-2021-creating-big-dreamsDownload

We can often feel pushed down where we feel we are drowning and trying to hang on to stop, take a moment and then continue on. There can be resentment and jealousy towards you, and sorry to say this, but these sorts of people will always be around but it doesn’t mean you can’t raise your voice and let them know that it isn’t gonna make you stop, but fight on.

Never allow others shoot you down. You have the right to speak aswell as them, and cut them off.

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There are people who want to keep you floating and have no real time for you, only when it suits them, and others will join you, as they are interested in you and you find that this person is on the same wave length and you feel “Yes, this person gets me lets stay in contact”.

Keep your head above the water, and give yourself good acknowledgement and take time writing down why you are you, the things that have made you into a good person, and who has bought out the worst in you.

Noone wants to feel they are trapped and this is how you get out it.

  • Who’s more important to you?
  • What are you about?
  • Do you need to be there?
  • Can you move on?

Being in the wrong environment, and always being wrong, is hard but I have a mechanism that has taken me to better places and there is always a way out.

I once never believed to be true, but it is.

What I do is I will take notes in my head of what they are doing, but don’t take any notice. They dribble, I talk.

We need to dictate ourselves and not be others bec and call. Those people will never change, but you can.

So keep head above and affirmations are a great tool, and can be done in many ways, just tell yourself “You are worth it and you can go for it”.

Never settle for convenince but by what gets you out of the water onto land, and set rules for you and for people to see, you aren’t their admire as they want you to think, but you are with yourself.

Don’t give them to the time to if they want to knock you done and say “Thank you, but I know what I want and I will live my life as I wish too”

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Day 28/30 Day Challenge/Blog A Day/Using Summer to make positive changes to your life

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Hello and Welcome! Thank you again for your feedback and that you are liking my blogs I have written to do my 30 day challenge. Post a blog a day for 30 days and it is day 28 and talking about Using Summer to make positive changes to your life.

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  1. Have a reason for each part of the day. So for me at the moment is getting up early morning to look and spend time with my son during the Summer Holidays. and afternoon going out with him and then in the evening having a good meal and then catching up in the evening to work on my blogs and do some writing and checking job vacancies as I am looking for some work in MentalHealth.
  2. Use the weather to inspire you to if you can working outside. It is good to have some sun and working. It for me helps split up the day and is a change than being stuck in the room and I still longng for a pub lunch at some point and I find exploring London, my home town, inspiring and can’t wait to go to the theatre again.
  3. Change the routine you have each season including summer. Use it do some gardening for example even if not done during the colder months and it is starting to grow the “Grow your own vegetables and fruit and vegetables” it saves you money, and having a drink in the garden rather than in the sitting room all of the time, whilst watching your flower beds bloom and home grown food grow.
  4. Finally have friends and family round that you have not seen for ages again and not been able to contact via Zoom or facetime. It is gonna be a blessing to some people that they can see their love ones again and so why not have a gathering. It is good to have a catch up with those who you love

So, it is as easy as that and add some fun into your life and #BeKind and #BeSafe

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Day 27/30 Day Challenge/Blog a day/Addressing my faults/Being happy for others

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Hello and welcome! This is blog number 27 and in this post I am talking about Addressing my faults and Being Happy for others

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This is someone who had many faults, I used to butt in when having a conversation. I do switch off which isn’t a fault as such but for some people it can be and why I didn’t continue to do driving lessons and have gotten jealous and begrudging. Being on the other side of that they are not good traits to have and once you are on the receiving end of such emotions how it can turn into something unworthy and anger from them, who do feel that way.

I see them also as bad habits and bad behaviour and its the question is, “Do you want people to be happy and living a dream and or unhappy?”

“Do you want anger from others as does it make you feel better when they are?”

Everyone deserves happiness weather you like them or not and I find its those that always complain and never satisfied and nothing pleases them.

“Do I want people to see me in this way?” Of course not. I want the world to be a better place and stop war if I could and end suffering.

I dont want to see anyone homeless or anyone being hurt where they ca’t defind themselves, who would want that?

There are people who are just unkind and always want you to see you fail and that makes me sad rather than anger cause it can spiral out of them being isolated and alone.

We all have fleurs but there are those that learn from it and those that don’t and feel they are always right all of the time and I am not afraid of saying that I am wromg and have in many ways but I still come out of it still standing and we will make mistakes and working on ourselves is important in being received by people for good and not bad. So setting boundaries and rules for yourself is the way.

Lets #BeKind and #BeSmart.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Day 24/30 Day Challenge/Blog a day/What we already have and how can we create more

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So we all want to be happy and have more but to do this you do have to look around to see what you have already got. So for me I spent two days looking after my son and he to me is everything and as much as he drives me up the wall he is the most important and same if I have anymore.

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I have a roof over my head and it isn’t mine so for me now is to working towards finding a place of my own.

I was married yet I wasn’t happy and I had to face it, so I did and some may not have been happy in me doing so but I wasn’t in that place anymore and wanted more, so for me it is to grow new relations and keep in contact with the important people still in my life and form new ones.

There was a time I found a new love outdoors and that was taking on fundraising events doing running and walking and looking back at the medals I received for doing these was massive for me and now ready once again to do more. I love that I do still exercise and walking in many various places.

When it comes to my life at the moment it is an 8 being that I want to move on from where I currently live as stated above, but looking ahead to begin a fresh start, I don’t want my eggs to be in one basket so want to do many things. I would like to work in Mental health and do my bit via blogs but do more and I would like to also work in music and on TV too.

So, continue going through my current life I know I have much more to give and so do you.

#Believeinyourself and it will happen.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X