Before I begin this blog post I want to share this video I came across on Youtube about Manipulative people and this lady gives some really good tips on how to deal with thoe who do this:
Manipulative people can be anywhere and lay beneath the surface so at first you think they are okay and they often want to gain your trust so when their true identity comes alive you then see “Oh God I have made friends with the wrong person”.
They can be very sneaky as they can start to crawl towards other people you know and then you get pushed out, but once that other person disappears they suddenly become your friend again. They will often be two faced and twist what you say and only hear what they want.
These types of people can often pick on you for know reason, and then walk away because they hae caused an argument and then pretend that it was someone else or you. They lose the sense of the truth as they lie a lot and their motives are often wrong as they just decided that because you are popular with people that they will become your friends to be your enemy later.
What you need to do is Gain Control and say “Do you know you just made a snidy comment”. If they smile and shrug their shoulders then they see that you know what they’re are doing, and so move away.
When it comes to manipulative you don’t want to take fully control, but make sure you still give them some control by saying “Do you fancy another drink? So we can have a chat”.
If they then decide to move away then you have gain perspective and they know you are going to confront them, which can detour them and then they will often avoid you.
People who twist and turn the things you say, or act as if everything you say is rubbish they are actually lashing out as they don’t like it, a lot of the time when you don’t see it their way and its their way or the highway. They feel that they should be right all of the time, and hate it when you are. They will have one voice that is plain and non expressive and will talk at you, not to you.
So, if you come across someone like this Gain some control, but still allowing them some too and be on guard, to let them know you what they are doing and that you are’gonna address it and its gonna stop.
Hello and welcome! It is Monday late afternoon and I have Monday video for you to share, and this in video I talk about Events you can’t control and the things you can.
It is all about how you see things. When I have a traumatic event in my life that I couldn’t control I would automatically shut down to spend time coming to terms with and then give myself time to move on. For me it is gradual process, but what I have done that has always been the one thing that has helped me gain perspective, as that is the key, is to journal and then say, “Okay so where do i want to go now and how will I go about giving myself peace in addressing this event, so it doesn’t hurt me any more?”.
Life is about building and rebuilding as certain events we can’t control like COVID, comes into our life to turn it upside down, so it has meant that many having to work at home whilst the kids are shouting and screaming, being off school and then having to be the teacher aswell as the parent. Some people can easily adjust to this when others are left with thinking “Where do i start?”
For me it was “Okay, I will in this time spend that amount of time with Henry, so in the morning and then this amount of time to do work”. You find a way and for me it meant working and using the evenings, weekends when he would be looked after by someone else to have a break, and it is “Take one step at a time”.
Never rush in, but say “How can I deal with this and make it pain free?” So use some of the time to all of you in the family including your kids create a family meal. I do believe that Cookery should be bought back into schools, having your kids organize the grocery shopping for a change. If we aren’t have a load of picnic’s in the park, why not have one in the garden.
As I see it “You find a way of making it easy” and follow the day.
So, more blogs to come and have a good rest of the week.
many thanks for watching my videos and reading this blog,
Hello and I am writing this on Sunday, but I don’t post any live blogs on this day so will be up live tomorrow.
So Concentrating on Good Things In life that can empower you through the year.
Find what makes you tick, and look for inspiring videos that can give you empowerment. When I used to go running and I had that “I have no energy to do a run” I found some running motivation videos on Youtube and listening to one of those made me go out and run, before I changed my mind again.
We often at times look at our lives and our rooms, and homes thinking “My world cluttered, I feel overwhelmed and feel like I am never gonna be tidy or stress free”, but yes you can.
I wrote a book on amazon.com about making one change a day:
Doing one thing a day can make a huge difference and what empowers me everyday is listening to music, just one or two songs, and that helps kick start my day.
Plan a day just for you, as we all deserve a day where we can be lazy or some people I know love Sundays For example to have a day in bed. I did this some weekends and it is just to relax not have to rush anywhere, no errands or to dos and just a day of Peace and Quiet.
Spend time documenting days where you see family and friends, or now we are soon I hope to be out of Lockdown that you can see family again and why not film to development more happy Memories and why not plan a Post Lockdown Family reunion.
Watch videos or documentaries that inspire you and make you get the most of each day. I sometimes if I have a Takeaway will watch a comedy series i haven’t watched for a while and I try to do different things at the weekend, and it is good to have a Takeaway Friday or Pizza Tuesday or Saturday. I even like today as i wrote this love having a Curry Sunday rather than roast.
I also have days where I don’t wear make up and days when I do, and have created a photobook to help me remind of looks I have done and it really has helped with my confidents and feel good about myself.
Have breakfasts at the weekend or during Holiday days that you wouldn’t have in a normal week. I love a cooked breakfast sometimes and i will eat a lot more fruit, and I have a separate Travel Journal that I keep especislly for holidays. I love documenting good days aswell some challenging days.
Jusr get as much out of each day as possible and make time for from the norm and use what inspires you to have a better, happy and fulfilling life.
Hello and welcome! Watching Prince Philips Funeral it made me see that he wasn’t just a father, Prince and a husband, he was also a Mentor, and that is a role that can stem from experience and helping kids not make mistakes that he did as a young man and boy.
To be a Mentor you have to be approachable and give support to those who want you to use your experience and knowledge for them and give guidance. The Duke of Edinburgh would lead the troops and the foot shoulders to help protect him, the Queen his wife and his family and yes he did come from a priviledged back ground, but never forgot those who didn’t and this is why he created the Duke of Edinburgh Award.
It is good to teach kids life skills that will help them in the future and even fello adults, as we are always learning, and it can be as simple as teaching someone who to create a C.V, practice Job Interview skills and do odd jobs.
Many kids when I was growing up helped the local milkman who came round our estate, would do a paper round, like I did at Sunday school did Community work, by picking up rubbish and at my Secondary School I did a Community Sports Leader Award, which was a very good qualification I did and it is basically putting together a sports programme or session for kids.
There are Mentoring Schemes in the UK that you can do, and they are run by local non-profit organisations and it can be like my Aunty Min used to do, and that is Dog Walking.
Having a Dad who was a Window Cleaner was very handy and an Uncle who was a Postman, and we had a friend who was a Carpet fitter, work for the local cleansing departments in London, as we will always need people doing these jobs.
Never underestimate those industries as it does mean working very early in the morning, but what they do is discipline you and get your structured so if in the end you want to teach others to do these jobs and use it to work for yourself, like Window Cleaning you can.
People like Mentors as they are usually normal folk who want to help others into work and have a purpose in life.
So if you have Skill to share why not do so as they can be valuable lessons and can help ground and build for a wonderful future.
So, I did a blog about how Bestfriends can help your health, but what happens when a friend turns out to be an enemy and can damage our health physically and mentally.
When I become a friend of someone I become a friend for life, and so for me the relationship of friendship is important to me and what I see in a friend is someone who loves your company like you to with them, and have many things in common.
If they start to make snidy comments, start excluding you from nights out and use you to be friends with other people then blank you, it can then develop into not feeling like you don’t belong, to feeling of self-worth and that you in someway have upset them but you don’t know why. With friendships if I feel it is starting to turn I keep away and will further the gap between them.
1# Have some guard up and don’t be so trusting
They will comeback and be all nice again, yet as soon as another friend turns up they partner with them to then push you out of the way.
In this instants for me I tend to leave them be and say “They’ll soon come back and if there is another friend I can talk to, then I do”.
2# Never see is as it is you, because it isn’t it is them.
Friends can make you worry about certain things that you didn’t before like you body image and that like i experienced i was told by a girl at school that i was boring about talkng about my favourite TV show The Bill and that i would talk about my holiday to America.
It did hit a nerve, but I did lose all respect by those that was also part of that, and that person who said this to me started talking about The Bill and so it was okay for her, but no for me.
3# When you see triggers like this, its time to move away and keep your boundaries and let them know what your boundaries are
Friends because they are you friends see it as an excuse to be unkind, but it is also the gut instinct to say “No I am not feeling this friendship now its time to move away”.
Please never fear there are always other friendships.
You can become Socially awkward and go back into the shell you once lived in and hid. You can start to have Social Anxiety because you feel in adequant around friends who make you feel this way.
4# If it is a group of friends turning on you, find the instigator and have a word with them alone. You’ll see its because they feel you are weaker then then but when you want to chat with you they don’t. They turn on you, cause they see you as an easy touch. No its them.
Long life friends are the ones that really are when they stick around and you may have drifted apart but the love of your friendship is still there., and even though you may have your own lives, you still love seeing one another.
When a friendship drifts apart it can feel like you have lost a part of a limb because long life friends can often have a bigger inpact, and when you go separate ways it can be a huge justment and make you feel sad for a while and that you want to get the friendship back to where it was, but sometimes you do have to give friendships space.
5# if you don’t wanna lose a friends you have known forever has changed find another way that they can still be in your life but in a different way
So how i have done it, is through Social media like Facebook and Instagram but by sending a letter or a card occasionally. This can feel to them a warm hug to say I know we are not really in each others lives, you still love them and you are there should they wish to return to see you physically again.
I think with Lockdown in my case it has bought people to be closer like my son, that at the moment I don’t get to see him all of the time.
So I have had many Bestfriends, one being my longlasting Friend Hayley and we grew up with eachother as babies and adulthood and our boys, her eldiest was born close to my son Henry, and even though we development different friendships and started to do our own thing, we have always known that eachother are there.
One of my bestfriends in Peabody, who was a sister to me, a girl named Kelly, we would spend days outside on her block having a way of a time, looking after her sibling, her sister and we again drifted appart, but it did kind of give me a sense of worth having a bestfriend. She knew that I was still around and the same that I knew she was, but was attacked by another girl on the estate when we lived, and I was in the same fascinaty when it happened, but I had know idea it was her, but she ended up being brain damaged, and I have never seen her again. I was sad, when I found out she was now in hospital hanging on to life.
It has been discovered that bestfriends can really help in terms of Depression, worry and Anxiety, it can make us feel secure in some way, that there is at least, when you may have many people against you, someone on your side and someone who doesn’t judge or interrupt, but listens, and you can talk about anything and everything.
Back before the internet it was the norm back when I was a kid to play on the streets in the Estate, and it did have value in my life, as we learned to get on with other children and form friends. It was natural source of happiness having friends to ask if they wanted to “Play out” and we would with our bikes, Rollerskates and pushchairs. playout all day long sometimes.
A Bestfriend for me was a good foundation, and it gave me comfort just knowing even if we didn’t see eachother all the time, that they were there as said and going to concerts together, playing Top Of The Pops where we would take turns in singing songs in the charts and doing pretend play again where sometimes we were school teachers, talking in the staff room, in each of our bedrooms and my friend Hayley and I would plan what we were gonna play when she next played and stayed over in my flat and the same when I stayed with her.
Having holidays together, cause you are sharing the memories of them with a bestfriend and its good for the soul to have someone who you have things in common with. So for me yes I think having bestfriend is good for the health as me and my friend Hayley would run up to eachother when we saw one another and played what seemed forever and we were planning one time, that we would live together and have a bedroom just for our Barbies.
So, I shout and gonna campaign to have a Bestfriends day or week to celebrate the Bestfriends we have had in our lives cause they great for the Soul, the mind and makes you physically alive to as you are talking nonstop not feeling awkward or self consciuous but comfortable and content.
I never overshadow the struggles in my life and I have talked about them in books and blog posts, and I like to create a true picture. There was a time whereby my work wasn’t being respected, yet I never disrespected anyones work. I was in an unhappy marriage, and many people took sides, and I also found out more of what the person I was married to was doing. I have had a lot chucked at me, but I am still standing.
I never thought I’d be in a position where I’d needed to fight as much as i have and it really took its toll at one point, where I was super stressed and last year I was a totally different me, to the point now I ask myself “How the hell did I get through that?” but I did.
When it comes to Real life of a working mother, you get a lot of judgement. People who don’t want to support you, want to shame you instead, and I see it a lot, If people have their own view on life, but why do we feel the need to put someone elses parenting skills down. I ask the questions, “Does the kid look healthy? Do they laugh and have fun a lot? Do they look like the world is on their shoulders? Honestly, with kids you’ll soon know.
I did write a new blog on a new site I have created called In A Life of a writer, and I will be sharing my life of an author of many Books, and reallife picture of being a Mummy blogger.
There are people who don’t like the word #blogger, but I don’t mind it at all. I mean that is what we are doing, Writing blogs so why not be called a “Blogger”?
Yesterday when I began this blog, and was filming a Get Ready with me video, my son came up and said hello, and had a piece of chocolate and went to have a pooh, yes sorry for putting you off your Sugar Puffs, and telling the world that he was Farting. That is little boys for you, and cause he had, had some chocolate there was a chance I’d end up with chocolaty fingers all over a new dress I was wearing.
So that is real life and why cover it over, when I am sure, people can relate to it.
So I bet you have heard the sad news about Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh who has sadly passed away.
He has been the Queens husband since over 60 years or so, and they have been a unit. So Who can A Prince of the Throne, Prince Philip, How his rein can inspire us all? Find good relationships, that are solid and you are on the same page. I have been in a unhappy relatiionship, and it was obvious as i had gone back into my shell, my life as i once knew it, had been swept beneath my feet, and was a shy unconfident girl again.
There are people who will bring the best out of you and those who don’t. It can often feel like a never ending battle ground, and constantly having to fight your case all of the time.
I am sure that the Queen and Philip had wanted a different life sometimes being in the public eye and wanting more privacy, but they never let the side down. I know there was a dispute when Lady Diana died, but we saw what happened there in the end. The tabloids can twist and turn people’s mind, and even me who loved the Royal Family and for a bit I too went against them to. This is another lesson to learn, is never listen to Gossip as often it is false news and the press being spiteful again,
This is a Sponsored post, by the Metro and please see their article about the Queen and Prince Philip:
Being a royal, it can be lonely at times, and the Queen would have never chosen any man to spend her life with, and many thought even me that he had in his younger days of being a Prince Strayed, but knowing the truth looking back on this thought, no. The Queen would not have stood by him or the other way round if that had been the case.
The other thing we can be inspired by Prince Philip is the Duke of Edinburgh Award which many kids at my Secondary school did and I look back, in that I wished I had been part of that. It was set up for young people to survive the outdoors and doing many independent skills and loads of the kids when I was at school who did this, would share their trips away and doing this award, and they would be full of adventure and funny stories.
We should be doing all we can to help young people in becoming independent warriors of the world. I write these blogs to help young people aswell as adults to build their lives up when like me being an estate kid, was destined to being a cleaner, which I have done or doing a 9 to 5 job, which again I have done, but knew I was destined for something else.
That is another thing I take from the Royal Family and someone like The Duke of Edinburgh and listen to your gut instinct and never allow haters to take away a great thing in your life and not everyone is put on this earth to work in the normal often seen,, way of living.
Many of us are destined for a different journey. So, your Royal Highness Duke of Edinburgh, I toast you with a cup of coffee as he was very much a Tea and Bourbon Biscuit kind of a guy, of your rein. Lord Live the King and The Head Prince of the Monarchy.
Hello and welcome! So in this weeks Monday post I am talking about 10 Ways of Creating a Life to remember.
To do that I what want to go through the things you still love in your life. Now when doing this be really true to yourself and don’t say it because you feel it is the right thing to say, but that is a true feeling inside of you, that you want those things still in your life.
It is more or less A DECLUTTER OF LIFE!
So where to begin,
I would write down people first, and I have made a Promise to myself to not allow Toxic people in my life anymore and if they want to be like it let them, I just don’t want them around me, as they are Toxic for a reason.
Then declutter the memories of those people, and take pictures of the true people in your life, so your memory focuses on those and not ones of those that bought you down in your passed
Then go through your possessions, and be Ruthless about it. I have a written a new EBook called Spice Up Your Life, and in it I talk about being Ruthless, and should be up tomorrow on Amazon.com under the name Carrie Lee Holmes
Create a Wall Full of Happiness, where you have all the people who you love and in a place you can spend 5 to 10 minutes looking at, and why not in your bedroom or hallway you walk through a lot, and with a cup of coffee in your hand, look at it, before you begin your day
Make some personalised items of your favourite photos and create a display of those things, but if you buy a mug for example you can use it in a functional way too, by using it as a Pen holder, but I would prefer to use it for a Coffee to be honest
Develop a story of your life so far, by creating a photo book and of places you love travelling to and have a travel journal. Or the same as with the Happiness Wall, have a Wellbeing Gallery on a wall in your home
Why not have your own Wall of Fame, and pictures of when you went on girl holidays and where you met the love of your life. It does feel good to be in love again, I think I need a bucket of cold water, but is that gonna stop me being in love? NO WAY!
Why not learn a new skill and document it as you learn, by keepiing a journal and pictures
Have your own desiginer clothes range or a series of self published books, as it can lead to so many opportunities
Develop a programme full of possibility and hope, by doing rituals and new habits that will drive you through a better and successful life
Hello and welcome! so it is time to write a New Inspiring stories post and because it is National Womens Month, I am talking about Women of the Monarchy in this post because I have and still am very much a Royalist and so the Royal Family I feel should be talked about, as there have been many women now of the Monarchy that even when it was a “Mans World” they took charge of the country and commonwealth, that they changed history, because they were female ambassadors looking after countries, which meant often being ruthless and being above the male community.
The first long reining Queen of England who like Elizabeth the II had a Golden Jubilee and was Queen for over 60 years and was very much the peoples Queen, as she would look after the poor aswell as the rich and was the one to be head of the British and Commonwealth Government, and she and Williams Shakespear were family which not many knew about, yet he was the Queen’s cousin, but wanted like the Royals today, be a famous writer but live like normal folk.
However it was him who helped Queen Victoria to read and write and were like brother and sister, and he was at one time one of her foot soldiers which not many people knew about and always respected his relationship with Queen Victoria and was a character he added into one of his most famous books.
Guess which one it is? I will tell you at the end. Keep reading!
She was very young when she became head of the throne and was a little fearful like I am sure we would all feel, and it did take her a while to adjust to her leading role and was very very shy. It was Albert her love, not just her Prince who helped her build her confidence as she wanted to be the first Queen to bring positivity to the world and bring the world together, and many countries did. Her and Albert were very much in love, yet it was a long winded beginning as she like many women of the monarchy guarded herself, in case she fell in the arms of the wrong person, and so it was a year or two years later that they actually became a very in love couple and he became her Prince and very much a Royal Everlasting unit, and I think this laid out what kind of woman she was.
To be the head of the Monarchy you have to be very much the authoriative to the family and the country you become head of state of, and was always cheered and never let people of Britain and other fellow countries down, and was great asset to the Head of the Monarchy, and I think from knowing the Queen as I do, that this continued onto our Queen of today, as she too is also seen like her lovely mother, The Queen Mother, the People’s Queen aswell.
The Queen Mother
So the Queen Mother was a Queen herself but it was her husband who became Head of the Monarchy, but she was the one who stood by him to help her family and the families of Britain through the 1st and 2nd World War, and it they didn’t evacuate, because the Queen’s mum saw it that, if the families who have no palaces can stay where they are, then so should she and her children.
My nan evacuated and didn’t like it so came back to London and would use their airaid shelter where they lived to protect them, and did you know they camped out sometimes the Queen mother and Who was the Kings, her husbands name? See at the end.
The Queen Mother loved people and would during the war when people needed someone like her for support would visit the damage of it and helped give those who lost their homes, shelter and food. It was devastating and I think noone would ever know what it truly was like unless you were there too.
So Who am I talking about? A Lady who was very shy but had a heart of gold and was called “The Queen of Hearts” and let me tell you YES SHE WAS! Now to address one thing. She did not have a bad relationship with the Queen, Prince Phillip, Princess Anne or even Prince Charles, you know who stirred that all up? The Tabloids, because that is what they do when there isn’t much news going around so they make stories up about the Royal Family and other famous people.
So Lady Diana, was very much a local girl of London and was when she began to attract attention of possibly being a new member of the Royal Family, in what I have done and that is, being a Nusery Nurse, because she was so natural in the way she loved children and people, that it seemed to at the time fit into place.
She turned heads because she was the first lady of fashion of that era, so the 80’s and drew a lot of attention because she was seen as the New Sweetheart of the Royal Family and she was so beautiful, because of her innocence and shyness, that you couldn’t not look at her without affection.
I remember seeing her with my Nan, walking to work and for ages I used to call her “The Pretty London Lady” as I was so taken with her, that when she became a member of the Royal Family I already thought she was, and was so mesmerised that this lady was a “Real Princess”. To me she was living a true Fairytale story and remember celebrating her wedding in mine and another housing estate having street parties, and along with Lady Diana, was featured in the Fulham Chronical, and I loved her.
She was the first to help and meet people with Aids and it shook the medical world when that became the new Pandemic of the 80’s and she didn’t hesitate in wanting to be a Patroen of the Aids Charity.
Her rein did come with turbelents, and took a break when her and Prince Charles separated and the got divorced from public duty, as she did have Demons, like all of us, but she never stopped caring for others, and I think she would like many women, put her own issues on hold to help others, but I felt she needed that break, because being a member for the Royal Family often and no not because of the Queen or other members, but could be a lonely world at times.
Yet her work didn’t stop and went onto get rid of Landmines that were stemed from the wars and certain countries didn’t get rid of them and so tried to have them safetly removed as kids would play on these places innocently without knowing and were getting killed.
I am not going to talk about her death as I don’t feel comfortable about sharing this, but I was very sad and she created a legacy of love and empowerment that has carried on in her two boys, who got back the respect of the Royal Family and it is important we keep it going, for the next generations to love them too.
So she is the Queen’s younger sister and was very much the Fashion Princess like Diana, as the Queen had her own style but as she was the sister she was seen as the beauty Princess of her generation, and the Queen loved her, and I see Zara in Lady Margarette which her friends would call her, as she loved socialising and loved a tipple and yes was a smoker, but what I mean is never allowed her Royal status to being a True Londoner and would eat a cooked breakfast without hesitation, and would say the London quote “What good in nature is good in the gander”.
Many frowned on this, as it was see as “Not what a Royal would do” but she loved to be normal and never used her Royality as a barrier to be a people’s person and a socialiser. My Nan would often speak with her, when my family lived in Bolton Gardens, and she was very glamourous, and there is a video and photo of her where she has her lovely hair in like a twisted bun with an off the shoulder dress and was like “The Royal Elizabeth Taylor”.
Now again I am not going to talk about her death to be respectful to her older sister the Queen, but they idolised one another and when the Queen made with Margarette via radio, a speech to families during the second world war, it was a team effort and the Queen did get bothered by the fact that, people thought it was just her, because as she said “It was a team effort” so her sister aswell, but often they would sound a like, but Margerette and the Queen did it together, because they wanted to reach out to mainly other children, which they were, and to let them know they were thinking of them and to help the nation, Britain stay strong.
She loved the Theatre and would open many shows in the West end and see many shows debut like Les Miserable, the Phantom of the Opera and loved the Royal Variety and sometimes attended these aswell.
In my view she along with Prince Phillips became the Queens support along with their mum and made the family, with all its hurdles that arose, to be where it is today, Well respected and a new Royal Community.
So thank you so much in reading my blog and yes i will do more about the Monarchy including the Majesty the Queen, but for now thank you to mam and thank you to him who is my Uncle Bark who at the end of his shows would selute and say God Save the Queen