Category Archives: Boundaries

Day 15/30 Day Challenge/Opening your mind to judgement

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Commenting on someones weight, commenting on somebody’s life and commenting on someones dreams.

Has this been you? I hate those who judge other people and I have caught myself from doing so and it is “Who are you to judge?” it is not up to me and people say “Yeah in an ideal world” but do you have to judge other people? Getting to know people, yes, listening to people, yes and seeing the big picture of what is truly going on in someones life, yes.

When People Judge: Why It's Not Really About You

There is a 10 commardment of don’t judge those on how you wouldn’t like them to judge you.

Yet people still do it and it seeing it, it’s their actual problem not the person they are judging and in some way they get satisfaction from that.

It is often because it feels good to throw a hurt at someone when it goes for those that judge and making assumptions about people yet they haven’t given that person a chance to be heard yet they expect others just be quiet and its looking down on people for no real reason.

There are people who don’t like my approach in being laid back and flexible, but I have seen better things in doing so and I am a open minded person which gets judged a lot of too.

I am not someone who follows always on how someone else lives but I set standards for myself as I can says I don’t know everything yet in some peoples mind it is “Well you should?” There are things that I am good at like writing and the feedback has been an eye opener and I know that my words are doing more than just words but they do have meaning and when began blogging had no idea of whow they would be received.

So, for me it is:

Get to know that peron who you see. I always go on if they are good and lovely for real its when you actually meet them that counts and you can tell from 5 words if they are really a nice person or not and their body language too.

If you feel that you have been judged then ask them “Why are you judging me?” and be open to then give then a sense of control still but make it clear you have boundaries and you don’t like to be judged and you’ll find if you do it, they are the ones who will begin screaming and shouting.

So look after yourself and #BeKind to yourself too.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Day 5/30 day blog challenge everyday for 30 days/Monday morning post/When losing your way

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Hello and welcome! This is blog number 5 part of my 30 days blog challenge where I will be posting a daily blog until the end of the month. This blog is about When you lose your way.

This is my weekly monday morning post and please checkout this weeks Monday General chat video: What is coming up this week in my content.

Losing Someone Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock Photos from Dreamstime

We can be so swallowed up in so many things we need to do that we can lose sight of ourselves and working life can take over. We can feel often left behind by those who seemed to flourish from when they were born and you think “How has it happened to them and not for me?”. This is because we automatically increase our expectations on ourselves, not giving ourselves any real love and attention.

It tends to feed off from someone else. So how to not lose our way?:

  1. Keep tabs on your movement. So take down what you do that makes you feel good and what makes you feel down
  2. Have a time to practice mindfulness as it really is a great way to breath and feel relaxed and take yourself mentally out from the stress to just listen to the birds and away from worry and stress
  3. Have time doing something you have been putting off and how much it causes anxiety get it done by rewarding yourself afterwards
  4. Practice praying and creating new visions for your life. If something is causing you to dread each day, then go through it with a note pad and why it is stressing you out, and pray and then create the vision of you doing this difficult task and the positive outcome when task is completed
  5. Go with your gut instinct. This often is how we protect ourselves and how we know to stand back or go for it and often we can ignore it. Trust your gut and stop doubting yourself

So this is it for this blog and I will writing for this challenge and many thanks for your time in reading the post,

Carrie X

Day 4 of my 30 day blog challenge/Switch your mindset/Being Powerful in life

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So this is for Day 4 of my 30 day blog challenge, where I will be posting a blog each day on this site so this will be scheduled for tomorrow Sunday and is all about Switch your mindset and being powerful in life.

Want to lead a stress-free, happy life? Doing this might help | Health News | Zee News

When you switch your mindset it means that instead of going straight for the negative voice and movie you play in your mind to the good voice and the happy image you see. When we are low and we feel not happy in us we can from experience, pass it on to other people or question and not like happy people as it feels “Why are they so happy what must they smile when it is not what I feel”. We can’t expect people to change if they do not wish to, and it has to be from yourself.

From someone who lacked confidence and super anxious it would go through “What if this happens and how I feel if I fail?”. it is not about failure it is about what you want to receive back from life if you don’t like what your life is currently at. How I switched it was when I put on a lot of wait being on the pill and my mum rang to tell me I had put on weight and to lose weight and I remember feeling so shallow of what I had become. I came off the pill and then my weight reduced immediately and began running and exercising and wanted to do the London Marathon. I still haven’t done that London Marathon but did a half of one instead.

I had to educate myself learning about fitness and nutrition and read a book all about food and how it can be a great source of medicine. This is true I began healthy eating and lowered my potions and then few year later I put weight on again due to actual medication which then got changed and once again I lost weight.

I had to change how I felt about myself in order to get where I wanted to be and that was achieving the things I had dreamt of and it was basically changing my routine, so going for a run as soon as I got up in the mornings, doing a run on a Sunday and then made more effort in terms of clothes. Before this though when first working at a Holiday camp because I was burning off from working in Restaurants and in the evening venues I lost a tone of weight and I was again dressing confidentally and then I was seeing someone on camp who turnout to be a low life and then met someone else there who was a dream and had to stand on my own too feet which I did and then I was married to not that person but someone who I was working with and then moved back to London, but during that time I had hit a low point.

It did mean I had to sort myself out and so I did. Looking at my life now I feel that it has made me a stronger person and seen the qualities I have that I never knew before and feel so powerful as I now have parts of my life sorted out and I think it was determination I have had all through my life.

So if something is wrong switch it, develop new habits, new skills and set goals, as without them I would have never gotten myself together and is what has helped me build my life and I do feel there is more to add to that. So dream, plan and switch you mindset so you can be the happiest you have ever been too.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Day 2/30 day post challenge/Post a day/Living for more in your life

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Hello so it is day 2 of my 30 day challenge to write a post a day for 30 days on this blog site, which I created over 10 years ago to help you have a better and successful life.

In this blog post I am talking about Living for more in your life.

  1. Be ruthless and go for it.
  2. Set goals as big as possible and never hold yourself back
  3. Be on the look out for more in your life
  4. Set boundaries that are positive but also for others who may get in your way to living more
  5. Do a day where you spend time reflecting on your days and weeks
  6. Create a day that your family can do together like at home Curry night or family puzzle, something that gets all the family together
  7. Spend time planning outdoor activities to explore, I loved visiting places like Worthing and Arundel, such tranquil places
  8. Set a date with your family of doing a whole house clean up and once its all done reward you and your family by having a takeaway and watching a Movie

These are all things you can do now and have fun post Lockdown.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Life Coaching Strategies/Never compare yourself

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Posted by in Boundaries, Creating a vision, empowerment, Everyday living, People, Personal Development, project 2021, Weekly posts

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Hello and welcome to a new blog post, where i will be sharing some Life coaching strategies and about never compare yourself. We are all different as the world would be a boring place if we weren’t yet we easily compare ourselves to others, as we feel that they have more of a life than you. Well so it seems, but does it get anywhere? No!

I am in a place where I can say I’m finally happy to be me, I don’t want to be a envious or jealous girl I once was, because I find those feelings limiting your self belief. There isn’t enough of someones success to go round.

I was always comparing myself cause I felt you had to be a super human to have a nice home, to be able to work for yourself and that I would never be someone who could buy a new home that I can call mine.

Now I know that is not the case and I do have my own money now and I am not in the need of cash as now I am earning my own money and it has kept me in a good mindset, and has helped me land on my feet. I idolise people like Jennifer Aniston, as she is my fashion icon and I love her character in friends and what she also wears in the show as Rachel Green. I do style myself not to copy but in admiration of her and it that helps as I do like to make an effort on some days in terms of clothes, hair and make up and that gives me a reason to get out of bed for, but to compare, she isn’t me she is her and I would never think of being her as she is her own person,, but I admire cause I think could I wear that what look coiuld I do that would make me feel good about mysefl?

Once you start to compare yourself you find that the ehtusiasm to find you fades and stop you from getting out of bed, so take five minute writing about you and what you are about, not comparing and forget those cause they are never gonna be you, and you are never gonna be them, and it can make you miserable even by trying. So it is important to find out who you are.

Comparing Ourselves to Others | A Journey to Loving Yourself

So never compare and be you, as you will be surprised once you think about you rather than someone else what qualities you find that you have.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie L.M X

Life Coaching/Mental Health/Different forms/It should never hold you back

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Hello so I am taking a break from my videos as I have done quite a few and don’t want to bombard you with with anymore and what to give you time to catch up. Here is a link to my Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

When it comes to #mentalhealth there are different forms and I really do not get the Mentle health act, because I think for me that sounds like its some how wrong to have mental health issues, but why “Aren’t we allow to feel, think and be who we want to be”. We are not criminals we are people who find life often a struggle to many who seem to make their bed everyday, and go jogging with the inner voice telling you “No leave it until tomrrow” and have success over success,

The Scientific Underpinnings and Impacts of Shame - Scientific American

To me this is why people don’t want to talk about Mental Health because in some way we’re seen as Second Class Citizens and not worthy of happiness, when this is all we want. WE WANT TO BE HAPPY! Do you think we want to be completely depressed, do you really think we want to feel, that we aren’t worthy for feeling like we have no place in this world any more? Its about Support and being able to express ourselves and this is why I am supporting Mind,org to stop it being criminalised to have Mental Health issues.

I am on top of the world and haven’t felt so good in all of my life, as I can now say “I like me and I am happy to be me” and that is not hitting out on anyone its just I often found it hard to be me cause I struggled with self image, and all do is try to do the right thing and this then happens to be wrong. I have come out of the otherside in terms of Mental Health, and I am glad to now have the time to re-address my life more and keep forever building and that, is what it is all about.

So the different forms. You have BiPolar, Anxiety, Anxiousness, Depression and PTSD. They are the main ones, but they aren’t want you are born with, but because of a cause. Like a Trauma, a loss of someone and being continually told “You aren’t good enough”. It is a form of Mind Management, because with mental health once you learn about it, you know the triggers and the how to deal with certain events and emotions to manage it.

When it comes to feeling good in your mind that is what we want to achieve, when we want help and support with our Mental health, and there is those who just need to be away from their current surroundings and be heard. They want to know that there are people on their side, and so if you have a mental health problem. never allow it to hold you back and use it to make you stronger.

I am never going to stop living as we all have a right to live and breath. So, make a promise to yourself today, and you can do this by writing a Personal Profile,, a mission statement about yourself or a letter to yourself. I wrote down some rules for myself, that I wasn’t going to allow anyone to stop me from living, stop me from doing good things for people and being happy and in love.

There is a law in Mental health, in that it should never be challenged, yet it still is, and so I do think the laws in terms of mental health should be changed.

I am someone who is particular about who I will talk to and who I won’t and I am never disrespectful, its that I do hold my guard up at times, for protection and to never get into someone especially with mental health problmes in their personal space because that is what they fear, the most and I do. Being bullied has been part of that and so, I will often wait until someone talks to me, as I am someone who often does want to be out of the way, but not isolated, but to allow other people space and myself and if people want to talk to you they will.

I never ignore anyone, I acknowledge as this like me is important as I myself do not like it when someone knows you are there but they pretend your not, and found it hard with my ex-husband when he would bump into someone he worked with and like at the beginning he would introduce me, and then stopped but would introduce my little boy, which was good, but it was like “Hello I’m here too” and you know when that starts it is a sign that, perhaps either work this out which I did as I, often go straight to “Oh well it must be me” and no.

I don’t blame him at all, and I would like to think he feels the same, it just makes you see when you address it without getting angry like before, you in mind have learned to help your mental health and see things without shouting or crying. So #letsworktogether and lets help support and raise awareness of mental health.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie L.M X

Monday blog/Monday Video/Life coaching vid/Difference between a Pretender & someone who is real

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We can often be mislead by people thinking they are good, unfortunately it can be those who pretend, use being nice as a cover to disguise who they really are. Then there is the person who vents, but they smile at you and they are naturally nice to people because they often don’t see what an amazing person they are, and they will without question embrace the fact you have got a personalised card for someone, and they don’t get begrudging over it, and then they get an even bigger card, the pretender will disguise their jealousy but a lot of it, is you can read it from their body language and eyes.

Pretenders will pretend to be the victim when they are being told about what they are doing is wrong, by saying how they have missed out, when a real person will take it on board, address it and apologise. When pretenders see someone being cross at someone else, they will intervene and usually take the person having a go and someone, side to then feel superior because that person that is being shouted out, is less of a person then that pretender and they get off on someone who is being told they aren’t good enough, and pretenders love seeing people fail.

I have had those feelings, but I have stopped them because I never want to be a pretender but be real.

Have a wonderful week ahead.

Carrie L.M X

Life Coaching/Manipulative People/Gain control/Give them Control/Be on guard

21 Wednesday Apr 2021

Posted by in Boundaries, Everyday living, Friendships and relationships, how to deal with those that drag you down, People, Personal Development, Weekly posts, Youtube videos

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Before I begin this blog post I want to share this video I came across on Youtube about Manipulative people and this lady gives some really good tips on how to deal with thoe who do this:

Manipulative people can be anywhere and lay beneath the surface so at first you think they are okay and they often want to gain your trust so when their true identity comes alive you then see “Oh God I have made friends with the wrong person”.

They can be very sneaky as they can start to crawl towards other people you know and then you get pushed out, but once that other person disappears they suddenly become your friend again. They will often be two faced and twist what you say and only hear what they want.

These types of people can often pick on you for know reason, and then walk away because they hae caused an argument and then pretend that it was someone else or you. They lose the sense of the truth as they lie a lot and their motives are often wrong as they just decided that because you are popular with people that they will become your friends to be your enemy later.

What you need to do is Gain Control and say “Do you know you just made a snidy comment”. If they smile and shrug their shoulders then they see that you know what they’re are doing, and so move away.

When it comes to manipulative you don’t want to take fully control, but make sure you still give them some control by saying “Do you fancy another drink? So we can have a chat”.

If they then decide to move away then you have gain perspective and they know you are going to confront them, which can detour them and then they will often avoid you.

People who twist and turn the things you say, or act as if everything you say is rubbish they are actually lashing out as they don’t like it, a lot of the time when you don’t see it their way and its their way or the highway. They feel that they should be right all of the time, and hate it when you are. They will have one voice that is plain and non expressive and will talk at you, not to you.

So, if you come across someone like this Gain some control, but still allowing them some too and be on guard, to let them know you what they are doing and that you are’gonna address it and its gonna stop.

#letworktogther to be happy and have a wonderful Wednesday.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie L.M X

Monday Weekly Post/Monday Vid/Events you can’t control and the things you can

19 Monday Apr 2021

Posted by in Boundaries, Everyday living, journal, People, Personal Development, Weekly posts, Work, Youtube videos

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Hello and welcome! It is Monday late afternoon and I have Monday video for you to share, and this in video I talk about Events you can’t control and the things you can.

It is all about how you see things. When I have a traumatic event in my life that I couldn’t control I would automatically shut down to spend time coming to terms with and then give myself time to move on. For me it is gradual process, but what I have done that has always been the one thing that has helped me gain perspective, as that is the key, is to journal and then say, “Okay so where do i want to go now and how will I go about giving myself peace in addressing this event, so it doesn’t hurt me any more?”.

Life is about building and rebuilding as certain events we can’t control like COVID, comes into our life to turn it upside down, so it has meant that many having to work at home whilst the kids are shouting and screaming, being off school and then having to be the teacher aswell as the parent. Some people can easily adjust to this when others are left with thinking “Where do i start?”

For me it was “Okay, I will in this time spend that amount of time with Henry, so in the morning and then this amount of time to do work”. You find a way and for me it meant working and using the evenings, weekends when he would be looked after by someone else to have a break, and it is “Take one step at a time”.

Never rush in, but say “How can I deal with this and make it pain free?” So use some of the time to all of you in the family including your kids create a family meal. I do believe that Cookery should be bought back into schools, having your kids organize the grocery shopping for a change. If we aren’t have a load of picnic’s in the park, why not have one in the garden.

As I see it “You find a way of making it easy” and follow the day.

So, more blogs to come and have a good rest of the week.

many thanks for watching my videos and reading this blog,

Carrie L.M X

When Bestfriends Damage your Health physically and Mentally

17 Saturday Apr 2021

Posted by in Boundaries, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Love, People, Personal Development, Weekly posts

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So, I did a blog about how Bestfriends can help your health, but what happens when a friend turns out to be an enemy and can damage our health physically and mentally.

When I become a friend of someone I become a friend for life, and so for me the relationship of friendship is important to me and what I see in a friend is someone who loves your company like you to with them, and have many things in common.

If they start to make snidy comments, start excluding you from nights out and use you to be friends with other people then blank you, it can then develop into not feeling like you don’t belong, to feeling of self-worth and that you in someway have upset them but you don’t know why. With friendships if I feel it is starting to turn I keep away and will further the gap between them.

1# Have some guard up and don’t be so trusting

They will comeback and be all nice again, yet as soon as another friend turns up they partner with them to then push you out of the way.

In this instants for me I tend to leave them be and say “They’ll soon come back and if there is another friend I can talk to, then I do”.

2# Never see is as it is you, because it isn’t it is them.

Friends can make you worry about certain things that you didn’t before like you body image and that like i experienced i was told by a girl at school that i was boring about talkng about my favourite TV show The Bill and that i would talk about my holiday to America.

It did hit a nerve, but I did lose all respect by those that was also part of that, and that person who said this to me started talking about The Bill and so it was okay for her, but no for me.

3# When you see triggers like this, its time to move away and keep your boundaries and let them know what your boundaries are

Friends because they are you friends see it as an excuse to be unkind, but it is also the gut instinct to say “No I am not feeling this friendship now its time to move away”.

Please never fear there are always other friendships.

You can become Socially awkward and go back into the shell you once lived in and hid. You can start to have Social Anxiety because you feel in adequant around friends who make you feel this way.

4# If it is a group of friends turning on you, find the instigator and have a word with them alone. You’ll see its because they feel you are weaker then then but when you want to chat with you they don’t. They turn on you, cause they see you as an easy touch. No its them.

Long life friends are the ones that really are when they stick around and you may have drifted apart but the love of your friendship is still there., and even though you may have your own lives, you still love seeing one another.

When a friendship drifts apart it can feel like you have lost a part of a limb because long life friends can often have a bigger inpact, and when you go separate ways it can be a huge justment and make you feel sad for a while and that you want to get the friendship back to where it was, but sometimes you do have to give friendships space.

5# if you don’t wanna lose a friends you have known forever has changed find another way that they can still be in your life but in a different way

So how i have done it, is through Social media like Facebook and Instagram but by sending a letter or a card occasionally. This can feel to them a warm hug to say I know we are not really in each others lives, you still love them and you are there should they wish to return to see you physically again.

I think with Lockdown in my case it has bought people to be closer like my son, that at the moment I don’t get to see him all of the time.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie L.M X