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Everyone can build a castle

~ Creating goals, habits and being empowered aiming for success

Everyone can build a castle

Tag Archives: Building confidence

Home truths

30 Thursday Apr 2020

Posted by Carries Blog Network in Boundaries, Everyday living, Inspiration board, Inspiring stories, Personal Development, Related pages

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blog, blog writing, Blogger, Blogspot, Building confidence, everyone can build a castle, home truths, inspiration, negative people

Library of two people arguing clipart royalty free download png ...This year I have learned some home truths and that is some people are not what they seem to be and have become a huge disappointment.

I suffer with Social Anxiety and have done for years, but I have come to learn that it all depends on the people I have chosen to hang around with.

Since this year I have met some wonderful people, but there is always those who drag you down.

STOP THEM AND SHUT THEM DOWN!

I wrote a blog called,

Dealing with negative people

It can be these people that cause other people to self sabotage and make you feel worthless, let me tell you that this is not about you, but them, so ignore them if you can and let them know that you aren’t happy with them.

YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO FIGHT BACK 

I am a loyal person always have been and I stick with people through thick and thin, but I have been hurt by these people, that I have had no choice but to walk away. Relationships are hard and they do come in all shapes and sizes. I think that is why my blog community has grown, because when I believe in something like this blog people can see that and can relate to it.

Let me tell you now that you are worth it and go for the dream job you want or the lifestyle. No one has the right to tell you how to live and who you should be friends with, or that they shouldn’t do something.

As long as it has good intentions then go for what you want and aim for bigger and better things.

People have a dream and vision for a reason so pursue it and forget those who are jealous.

I will hold my hands up I have been jealous too and it is not a nice feeling as you become begrudging when do I really want to see someone fall or succeed? 

I want people to succeed in their life, not hurt anyone and thrive at what they do. No one has the right to drag anyone down because they’ve had a bad day, but be a shoulder to cry on if they do wish to discuss matters with you, rather than screaming and shouting.

Jealousy comes in all shapes and sizes, and for me is like having a parasite in the pit of your stomach to the point you feel this anger and resentment. It can eat away at you, and you end up questioning yourself, so I try go by the commandments in the Bible, which is,

TREAT THOSE HOW YOU WISH TO BE TREATED  

I don’t like having a pop at someone, it isn’t in my nature but I will find my voice when someone I feel is having a cheap shot at me, and that I am not going to let it make me dive but to survive and succeed, and so should you.

So be happy within yourself and create a good foundation of people around you. I love being around others who want the same outcome as me, and that is to be a successful writer, to work in comedy, music and football.

It does come with hard work and you do have to be committed but it doesn’t mean you can’t go out and get it.

So good luck  and I hope you succeed and let me know of the things you have wanted to to do and achieved. I love hearing about these types of stories as I find it so inspiring and let me tell you have my backing all the way.

Remember you can keep up to date with all my blog posts on WordPress.com by following me.

All my blogposts can be found on carriesblognetwork!

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

Feeling like you don’t belong

26 Friday Oct 2018

Posted by Carries Blog Network in Bullying, Everyday living, Personal Development

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Being bullied, belonging, Building confidence, carriesrealworld, comfort zone, everyonecanbuildacastle, Feeling accepted, Feeling like you don't belong, friendships, Good support, Loneliness, Not playing out, Rugby, school

Image result for feeling like you don't belong

As a child I often felt like I was odd, unlike my friends and other children I’d come to meet, and it was hard as a child feeling this way. I dreamed about being someone else, not me.

I remember being envious of a certain girl at school called Sherie and she was really pretty and popular, all the girls wanted to hang around her including the boys aswell, and I dreamed of being her, just for one day so I could feel what it was like to feel belonged.

She didn’t have it easy, but when she cried it was a nice cry and gentle, and when she smiled she used to light the room, and so wished that could be me.

Even though she cried a lot because she missed her mum, she instantly found friendship and people wanting to be around her.

Image result for Group of friends in a playground playing cartoon image

It was only when I started playing football at school I started towards the end of Primary school, I felt like I was accepted, but I still felt like I didn’t belong there and never kept in touch with those friends, once I started secondary school.

I kind of felt I needed to leave that part of life behind me, and start a fresh.

Those feelings of not belonging can be isolating and lonely. When I stopped playing out a lot, I more or less had to start building the relationships I had built up, all over again.

I hid away because I was sick of being picked on, and I was being bullied by the girl who lived the flat right opposite me. She even used my friends to get at me too, and it was hard, I wanted to stay in my shell and not come out again.

Feeling like you don’t belong has its advantages, and I like having my personal space, but I also like to feel part of something. When I took up dancing it took a while, but became part of a group there and for the first time felt some confidence, and I remember I couldn’t wait till Saturday for my dancing school to start again.

Then at Secondary school, after the first year, did have my own group of friends I would hang out with everyday and finally I was part of a group at school. I still found it a struggle at school, but having close friends to support me, did help me and they helped me come out of my shell.

Don’t get me wrong we had fall outs, but didn’t last for long, and I am still friends with those girls now.

Image result for friends images

Even now since my son started school, I see all the mums already in there groups talking whilst I wait there to go in. The worse for me to do, is to but into their conversation so I stand back.

The one reason why I blog because I like being part of a community, and embracing the new online world, and I feel like I belong.

When I started going to rugby I felt like I could finally let my hair down, and I had discovered a new sense of freedom that I never had before, and whole new world had opened up for me. That was thanks to one of my friends I had made at secondary school, whom I am still friends with today.

The Rugby years were great and even though at times I felt like the odd one out still because of my own insecurities I did feel like I was part of something truly special. It’s like the theme tune from the American Sitcom Cheers,”Where everybody knows your name”, and that is very important to me.

It is good to feel like you belong as you finally feel like you have found your purpose in life and meeting different kind of people, you learn from others and I try think back to those times to remind myself that I have been part of something and other peoples journey.

It is about coming out of your comfort zone and trying something new. When I started doing fundraising events, found another type of community, one where even though these people didn’t know me from Adam, gave me support as they passed me by anyway, and it really gives you a real boost, and a sense of “I can do this and here I am”.

Belonging is about being accepted for who you are and for what you know you can become.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Battling with anxiety and building confidence

02 Sunday Sep 2018

Posted by Carries Blog Network in Personal Development, Useful articles

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

4 habits that will transform your confidence completely, battling with anxiety, Bloglovin, Building confidence, everybodycanbuildacastle, everydayliving, everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com, how to plan your day when you have anxiety

Do you battle with anxiety?

I know I do, and even getting it at the moment because my son as of this week ahead is starting school and I am super anxious about it.

Check out this article below on “How to plan your day, when you have anxiety” really good article.

https://www.bloglovin.com/link/post?post=6502345079&blog=13517561&group=0&frame=0&frame_type=search&search_term=how+to+plan+your+day+when+you+have+anxiety&feed_order=undefined

There is another blog by the same persons, called “4 habits that will transform your confidence completely”. Check out link below:

https://www.bloglovin.com/link/post?post=6503499989&blog=13517561&group=0&frame=0&frame_type=blog_profile&feed_order=undefined

If you are not able to bring up these links then you access them via this link instead and typing in the title of the blog.

https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/career-girl-daily-13517561?referrer_context=blog_search_autocomplete

If you suffer with lack of confidence it can cause anxiety so building your confidence the less anxiety you’ll have.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Finding Love

19 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by Carries Blog Network in Love

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Tags

Building confidence, Creating a foundation, Love, Meeting someone, Relationships, Romance, Valentines Days

Please see my blog post I wrote on my website, Sports and Fitness passion, about Meeting someone through sport. 

I was never someone who had loads of boyfriends and dated a lot.

I did go out with a few guys but nothing that was overly serious. It has to be right for you, and at the time of being with these guys I didn’t want to be in love. I wasn’t ready for that, it was just nice to have someone who liked me in that emotional way. It did help my confidence.

However I met my husband unexpectedly, when working at a holiday camp 15 years ago.

I have written more about this in my blog Building Relationships.

I had no intention of meeting anyone, and when I did, it just happened.

I did make the first move in the end, and sometimes that is what you need to do.

A great way to beat social anxiety and lack of confidence is to do somethings out of your comfort zone, and you never know if there is someone that you like, but neither of you are making a move, it could be that they are shy too.

SOMEONE HAS TO SAY SOMETHING!

I finally made first step when someone told me that, my now husband, could be potentially leaving the holiday camp and move on else where. I didn’t want to miss my chance.

We met up for a drink to begin with. I did stay at his but we didn’t do anything physical until later on as we continued to see each other.

That was important to me. It is all about learning to trust someone and finding that connection. Creating a potential foundation for yourself that will be there for you and help support you emotionally.

Never put pressure on yourself to be in love, but get yourself out of your usual environment and go to different places where you have a chance to meet someone. It is good to hang out with a friend that is very sociable as the chances are they will talk to them first, so then you can start talking to them.

Having a person who is an ice breaker and can open up the conversation for you is good, helps make it a casual met up. Have a chat, get to know them first, date and then see where it goes.

If you don’t take the plunge you never will.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

Feeling good about yourself

14 Wednesday Jan 2015

Posted by Carries Blog Network in Personal Development

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Tags

Body Image, Building a more fulfilling lifestyle, Building confidence, Change of Behaviour, Chasing Dreams, everyonecanbuildacastle.wordpress.com, Look outside of yourself, Mental Health, No belief, Self Doubt, Self Loath, Take on challenges, unhappy with appearance, unhappy with life, visualisation

Low self esteem isn’t something you are born with but is something that is triggered by someone or something, it can lead to other psychological problems. In terms of myself it was,

  • Comparing myself to others
  • Bullying
  • Not feeling comfortable when my body began to change as I became a teenager

It took me a while for me to accept myself, and even struggled when I got married and wouldn’t watch my wedding video or pictures of myself at my mums wedding because of the way I felt about myself. I knew I couldn’t continue to feel this way, and so I began to make changes in my life, as I didn’t want to look back in my 70’s should I reach that age, knowing that all I did is feel bad about myself. The changes had to come from me. To do that I began learning from others using tools and exercises to get in touch with my positive feelings and side of the brain. Instead of wanting to do something I started to do it, such as exercise and taking up walking long distances and running.

I got back into writing and blogging, where I did another blog about building self confidence which was called Building self confidence- Feeling like the ugly duckling. I began to educate myself about food, as I needed to change the way I saw food and my relationship with it. I had to take myself out of my comfort zone, and do things that I have always thought “I would love to do that one day” to “I am going to do that”. I remember one May in 2006 watching the London Marathon and thinking instead of saying I will do this one day I am going to do it, and I applied for the 2007 London Marathon, however didn’t manage to get a place, but I have been trying ever since. I had to stop running for a while when I became pregnant, however I have not stopped wanting to do this and I hope to finally get to do the Virgin London Marathon in the next couple of years.

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I have since done other events, and still do them even after having my son and completed a Personal Best last in July 2015, when I did the British London 10K which I also did the year after, and completed another Personal Best. In the same year of completing the London 10K the second time, I then in September of 2016, took on the Royal Parks Half Marathon.

Exercise has become my therapy and my love for walking has grown even stronger, it is so good for the mind and clearing out your thoughts and have done walks for charity and each year, doing the London Bridges walk for Garden House Hospice.   

This year 2016 on the 10th September I completed a 25KM walk, to take on the Thames Path Challenge. 

I started off when I had a day off from work in the week because I was working at the weekend I would go for walks around London and walked one day from Wimbledon to Tower Bridge, and I used to when I worked in Kingston, walk from Kingston to Wimbledon and then Kingston to Epsom.

The walks weren’t always easy, there were hurdles sometimes in the way, diversions, or under passes which I am dubious about walking through and toilet breaks, fatigue can set in so you have to boost up your hydration and energy levels, but when I saw the finishing line, example when walking to Tower Bridge it gave me such a boost and looking back now it was like travelling through life.

Life has many paths and tunnels, and it is the paths and tunnels we choose to take that will help us to take the next stage in our lives. There will be challenges, and hurdles. However if you focus on the goal you want and take on the challenges, but continue to be determined and committed you can achieve the things you want in your life that will help you feel good about yourself and will help bring you happiness.

  • It is OK to say I want to change the way I look, but ask yourself why?
  • What is the real reason why you want to make this change?
  • Is it because of someone else or for yourself?

Asking the right questions will give you the right answers.

I knew the reason why I wanted to get fit was because I wanted to change the image I saw in the mirror by changing my lifestyle, getting in touch with my thoughts and produce the endorphin’s I needed. It did help me smile and realise what I could accomplish and what I do like about myself.

I have legs that can help me achieve goals that I never thought I could, a mind that can create ideas, hands that can help me to be creative and write and can use to exercise too, such as weight lifting. I have learned too cook new meals, met new people, I have been told I have a wonderful smile and people get a buzz from me when I am fully enjoying myself and happy

Another key thing in building yourself self confidence about yourself is learning to see why you have the family you do and what they see, and your friends’ Why you bring happiness to them?

When you feel negative that is all you see, you don’t see the positive. You will always focus on the negative “I don’t feel good about myself” so you need to change the view you are seeing. See what people see in you, take yourself out of you to see the good within you.

Watching This Morning yesterday they had The Speakmans on who specialise in Schema Conditioning Psychotherapy they were helping people who were lacking low self-esteem and they did an exercise where by they asked a couple of women who were suffering from low self-esteem to look at themselves in the mirror and tell them what (The Speakmans) they saw and thought about themselves. As these women were talking, Eva Speakman wrote down and got a stranger to read back to these ladies of what they thought about themselves.

Then they asked the ladies to think about the person who they loved and who loved them back what they would say about them and again Eva Speakman wrote this down and got them to read these comments back to themselves and then look at themselves again. Doing this exercise made them refocus their thoughts and get in touch with their positive side of the brain.

That is what you need to do is change your focus by doing these types of exercises and making lifestyle changes, writing down how you feel, looking at a time when you did feel happy about yourself or of a memory that makes you smile, expand that image and play it in your head as if it is a movie.

What was it back then that made you feel good about yourself or makes you smile? Write about this down.

Also as talked about in my first blog put all these in your dreams book or whatever you choose but in something you know you will keep and look back on, so when the negative thoughts creep back in, you can look at the positive images that you wrote about and remind yourself, you are beautiful and are special.

Creating a better image of yourself and thinking about what makes you happy, will help you to change the way you see yourself, and plan to get the life you want, and to look the way you want. You can feel good about yourself without making drastic changes, and if you want to make a change then you have the power to do so.

You just have to believe in yourself and go through what you do love at the moment about yourself and your life. Making a lifestyle change, learning to get in touch with your brain that sends you positive signals will help you to begin your journey into feeling good about yourself.

Please see ITV.com of the exercise The Speakmans did to help build self-esteem and I will be in my next blog writing about other tools, other changes and materials I have used to help feel good about myself.

I do not expect that the exercises and materials will work for everyone, however I know that they have helped me and can help others too.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie Challoner

What is this all about?

14 Wednesday Jan 2015

Posted by Carries Blog Network in Personal Development

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Body Image, Build, Building confidence, Dilemmas, Fear, fight back, goals, Low Self Esteem, Mental Health, pressure, Self Conscious, Self Doubt, self help, Self Loath, Stepping back, visualisation

takeaction

This blog is to help those to thrive and build better confidence in their lives, who may have experienced bullying or have body confidence issues, mind issues, such as anxiety, have been scammed and now feel unprotected, and trying to give tips and advice on what I have learned dealing with these demons too.

I give help and advice on how to fight back on all issues, not allowing passed experiences, mind issues or body confidence issues, to hold you back from living your life. I provide blogs on how to rebuild yourself after being bullied as the after math of being bullied can be hard after your confidence being knocked by the people or group responsible.

I called it Everyone Can Build A Castle, because it is basically a symbolism that everyone can be have a fulfilling life, be successful in life and have their dreams come true. Making changes and altering their thought processes.

The first castles built were in the Norman times, and remember back then they wouldn’t have had the resources we had today, and so would have taken a team of people, who worked day and night to create these historic buildings on our lands.

You can have your own castle too, by creating what is meaningful around you, that brings you wellness, happiness, and what gives you strength.

Think about the walls of a castle and within those walls is your symbolism of what you want from each of those walls in your life, do you want a family of your own? a career? an expensive car? travel around the world?

WELL YOU CAN, ANYONE CAN. So imagine those things, imagine that the family you want is standing right in front of you, the career you would like, the expensive car you want and an image of you travelling around the world.

Write about that image you see, what are the colours, who is there with you, how are you feeling in this picture, or when you see the car you want or you doing the career you want, put the image in an envelope and leave it beside your bed or on a shelf in a draw so you can look back at it. Or put it in a photo frame as a pretty display so it reminds you of your goal.

Create a mind inspiration board of all the things you would like.

The next step is TAKE ACTION. Take control of what you choose to do next to help you towards your goal.

A = allow your imagination run and again have a special notebook, call it the dreams book or whatever title you want. Every time you think about what you like in your life to be like write about it, and see if it matches or has changed since the one you wrote before.

C = come up with a plan of how you will achieve the things you want in your life.

T = Time. give yourself a deadline of when you want the things on your plan to be done by.

I = Imagine yourself in a years time, what would you want to achieve? 2 years, 3 years, etc again write it down in your dreams book.

O = Once you have come up with your plan, deal with the things that keep holding you back and write them down.

N = Never say never, as anything is possible, just keep believing and lets start making that goal or dream come true.

I found making just one lifestyle change such as exercising, learning all the time, changing my appearance has helped to accept myself and have better wellness. I love the people and things I have in my life now. I have had my struggles but the one thing I have told myself I will not allow myself to feel, is low, but be more fulfilled and to be determined.

In order to win the fight against what life hands out you, you have to fight the fight, and look at the good things that are already around you and build each day to make it even better.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

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