Monthly Archives: February 2015

The Fear Of Being Bullied again

18 Wednesday Feb 2015

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Once you have been bullied you always have that fear of it happening again. Since being a victim of bullying myself I have learned how to spot the signs of a bully by their body language, how they progressively change; do they let the whole world know when you have done something they have not been happy with? Or told everyone around them when your backs been turned and purposely not done something and blamed you for the mistake or something they were supposed to do but didn’t?

They may put on a front at first and be all nice to you, but as soon as you start settling in at school or work, the behaviour and character starts to waiver and change. They may start by nit picking on things, by commenting on your personal image, they may start to act different in front of certain people when they are talking to you; do they pull faces as they are speaking you?

It doesn’t matter whatever level the person is, weather it is a school pupil, another colleague or if you feel a teacher or a manager is coming across as aggressive, confrontational as if they want to intimidate you then this can be the beginnings of a bully’s behaviour. If you come across anyone starting to make you feel isolated, spreading rumours or making you feel uncomfortable then you have the right to speak out and take action.

Let the bullies know you are not going to stand for the way they are being towards you, or rise to their level of abuse or wrong behaviour. You do not have to sit their in silence and you do have the right to tell them, that they are being wrong and you wish to do a good job but their behaviour towards you is effecting you from doing a good job, and if it continues you will take action to stop it from happening.

Here is a blog I am subscribed to which also talks about bullying, from someone who has also been targeted by bullies.

https://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/author/aeisenbe/

It also has tips on how to handle someone who is bullying you.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Tips for those who are being bullied

05 Thursday Feb 2015

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If you are a victim of bullying then have no fear, and please you deserve to be treated with respect by people and no one has the right to bully you.

It can have a massive impact on someone’s confidence, I know I have been there and I am so glad I did fight back and I didn’t allow it to control my life. You must not allow it to control yours either.

The way of stopping these bullies is to close the barrier on them and report what they are doing, otherwise if it isn’t you, it is more than likely to happen to someone else. Bullies usually will have issues of their own, which is no excuse and for them to understand that what they are doing is unacceptable you have the right to stand up to them. An easy way is to say “No you will not treat me this way” and take action by reporting it to your teachers or to your employer.

See my directory of websites set up to help those who are a victim of bullying or you know someone in your family or a friend who is being bullied. The thing about bullying it can upset the people around you too, as they can fill helpless and they want to fight back on your behalf but they worry because of the worse implications on you. They wish to protect you, but don’t want to make things worse.

See link of this Directory https://everyonecanbuildacastle.wordpress.com/related-sites/

So please fight back. I would encourage anyone who has been a victim of bullying to talk about it as it is the only way we will make people, schools, the communities, and companies know what it is going on, and more action needs to be taken.

Please see link to a page where I have put a link to an example of a bullying Policy which is your evidence to say to your school, college or company that “I am being bullied and it states in this, the action that will be taken when bullying is reported, and so I wish to do that and I wish for it to stop”.

Fight back at bullying

Many thanks for your time, and for reading,

Carrie X

Boundaries

01 Sunday Feb 2015

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When I first wrote this in my notepad I thought about this when watching Celebrity Big Brother where Perez Hilton began to be what I perceived to be sexually explicit in the Big Brother garden, and it did shock me and disgust me.

It made me think is this crossing a boundary?

I know there will be those reading this, saying “That’s an understatement”, but everybody’s perception of boundaries are different as everyone has a different set of boundaries. There are the good boundaries which you know you fear but you also know that once you’ve taken the courage to cross that good boundary it will make you feel like you have accomplished an ultimate achievement in your life.

Then there are the bad boundaries which you know if someone crosses it will influence how you view them and if you would like this person in your life or not.

Is it important to set boundaries?

Yes the ones that you know will effect your day in a negative way and will cause offence to other people around, are the ones you know will loose your respect for that person crossing that bad boundary and you will no longer see them in a positive light anymore. It is important we let a person know if they have gone too far, it is not always the case of walking away and ignoring them.

When watching that episode of Celebrity Big Brother, I thought, does Perez have any boundaries?

At first I thought after that activity he did in the garden (those who have been watching will know what I am referring to) he can’t have. However watching a couple of episodes afterwards where Katie Hopkins was being I think quite childish towards him trying to isolate him and bring him down, I realised he does.

He knows when someone has gone to far and crossed one of his boundaries which caused him to get upset. I do think both are playing a game in the Celebrity Big Brother house, Katie Hopkins as much as I detest her, I do find her fascinating because she is playing a very clever game. I know some will differ from this opinion, but I really think she is.

However even she has boundaries, which I can clearly see and it can cause clashes, but you should stand up to someone if they do cross one of your boundaries. The way she does it is by giving a comment which causes alarm and I see she knows that too, she knows what will create more a shock reaction (i.e. Crossing some of the house mates boundaries) but there is another way, just saying “That is out of order” then explaining why can be enough, you don’t have to be confrontational, and a lot of CBB is edited for us at home, it wouldn’t be seen as good TV if everyone was getting on and being nice to each other, that is why they select different personalities, they know there will be  clashes from people in the group.

If you watch clearly you can see each of their boundaries and what each celebrity sees as a good boundary and a bad one to them. I think even opting to go into the CBB house is a boundary and can be a good or bad experience.

Writing about this it made me think about mine

What are my own boundaries?

Referring to the definition of boundaries:

Sourced from Wikipedia

Personal boundaries – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

– If I know someone is being spiteful and rude for no reason.
– Mental and physical abuse which I suppose is related to the above.
– Dishonesty, people not being truthful.
I am no way perfect, I have and had my moments where I have behaved which others have seen as negative and wrong, and they have pulled me up on it. I am sure many of us have, but it is how you learn from them that matters. You can either continue to behave badly which ends up upsetting you and the people around you; or take responsibility and make sure you change this negative behaviour so you feel better about yourself and others on how they perceive you.
This is why having boundaries are important because it helps you learn about yourself and others to create more positive feelings in your life and theirs too.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X