Category Archives: friendship

Building Bridges

Featured

Posted by in Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Love, People, Personal Development, Weekly posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

It is hard when there is a tension between people, because it can cause a bad atmosphere for everyone. When you feel that the world is against you, you can lash out, and even you don’t know why.

Photo by Elina Fairytale on Pexels.com

The way I see it now is that, do you want that be the last memory you have with that person? It can be too late. I never got to see my dad in the end and it taught me that no matter of what has gone on, you have to build the bridge again between you and them and often we can forget what the issue was that caused the break in the first place.

It is important for my son, because he will now never get to meet him and it brings me sadness, that he knows about him. I wished I could have had that time back, but once someone goes what is left? Anger, resentment, what you could have done, what you couldn’t do, etc etc. Yet I have shown pictures of him to my son, to help with the memory of him and so if you have had family or even friends that you have fallen out with, which you wished never happened, it is time to rebuild and whatever happened forgive and forget.

Of course if they have done something terrible then that is different like physical harm and I am writing a book at the moment called When Mothers Are Real and it is about a lady called Lesley who was abused as a kid and now her mum wants to build a good relationship because can you forgive? This is no reflection of my life, as I had a good childhood, accept at school, but many children aren’t that lucky and are hurt by their parents or other guardians everyday.

Nevertheless if it was an argument and its just escalated to not seeing each other, ask how important is this person in your life? How do you feel when you don’t go out with them anymore? What did they bring to your life?

Some people may have a illness that they worry about telling anymore and be the cause. So sitting and talking to them can do wonders and listening over a coffee or tea, or any drink but understanding what actually happened. It is important to let the dust settle, but not to leave it too long, get in touch and be the one to make the first move and remove the bridge that caused the break in your relationship and rebuild the foundations so it can grow positively and whatever happened is laid to rest.

Thank you for supporting this blog site and the feedback is amazing and lets work together to happier in ourselves and love the people we have in our lives and be happier so no tension is there again.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

@typicallondongal

Life Coaching/Being strong and guided

12 Thursday May 2022

Posted by in 2022 Programme Life coaching blogs, Boundaries, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Personal Development, Weekly posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Hello this another Life Coaching video as part of my Life Coaching programme, “2022 Project”, helping you to have a happier life and a year.

To get to grips with your life, it is good to be strong and guided. This time last year I was in a Mental Health hospital and wished I had known about these places as I would have checked myself in, as like many I found the lockdowns we had, was effecting my mental health, by not being able to go out and explore, and I love walking and visiting different places, but due to Lockdown I couldn’t.

  1. Develop your understanding of what is good in your life and why and what is not, and do you want to be good or the bad?
  2. Never Promise if you can’t deliver, because there is such a thing as false promises and when we don’t follow through we feel failure. Doing is better than promising.
  3. Develop a life that is personal to you. So now I am back walking again, long distances and as soon as I see people running, I feel I am not doing enough, yet walking is just as good and so don’t do things just because of other people but what will benefit you
  4. Get in touch with your spirituality. I have had a tough nine years where I allowed my mental health dictate my life and not getting in touch with myself and so began praying again, because, for me that helps and I listen to my soul and gut rather than my heart and mind
  5. Stop comparing. I should hold a reward for this because I am guilty as sin. I have learnt and I do what suits me and love myself, rather than looking at someone else and feel inadequate
  6. Creating different systems. This came from watching Mel Robbins Reset, check it out, and if you want to remember something like a pair of shoes for walking, I put them out so I can slip them on and go. Being a parent I would make sure I had items I could grab and go, as hate forgetting. Sorry what was that, I said, I don’t like forgetting, so leave items in full view so I know I will remember
  7. Create good patterns. I now make sure I set an alarm in the mornings, to make sure I have a good sleep pattern, as 4 hours sleep which I used to sleep for, did me no good and so I now go to bed between 8 and 9pm and wake up by 8:30am. I don’t have lunch until I go over to my son’s house to wait for him to return from school and stops me snacking and I love reading my book whilst travelling, as i learn a lot this way
  8. Give back what others have given you. I do this by thanking the bus driver for taking me safely to my last stop, I will buy nice cards and presents for family and what I do need to do is remember to write thank you cards, as I always forget and so will make an effort to do this, and feeling bad from not doing so.
  9. Get rid of anger by making changes in your life. Example hating your job, and feel you don’t connect with the people you work with. Look for a new place to work that has a better atmosphere. I had jobs like this, when working for a computer company, and there was a lot of back stabbing and felt so uncomfortable so I left, and followed my dream to work at a Holiday camp and finally got the chance, to leave my old life in London and Surrey for the south coast and was a brilliant experience.
  10. Make yourself be heard, Staying silent never helps and so set boundaries, making it clear of what they are. and stand your ground. This is not contradicting number 9, as you can do this to prevent anger, but just sitting and talking to people and teach others to do the same. Sitting having a conversation about what upsets us, rather than a shouting match.

It is all about keeping your head held high and to realise your value, and that you have a part to play in this world just like everyone else.

I have filmed for my Youtube channel: Typical London Gal, of some Life Coaching videos so go and check these out, this too and creating a board on Pinterest too: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/thetypicalLondongal/2022-project-life-coaching-tools-and-information/

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

How to deal with loneliness and have more belonging

20 Monday Sep 2021

Posted by in Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Love, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Weekly posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Hello and welcome! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for following me on this blog post and of my other blogs I write, https://carresversitilefashion.wordpress.com and https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com

So can you believe that loneliness can be different to people? it can and I have learned that it is as a kid I felt I didn’t belong and was scared of rejection, but its because I am a naturally social person depending on where I am and who with. As a kid I could not see it and felt very lonely and was told by many that I live in a world of my own.

People Hugging Stock Video Footage | Royalty Free People Hugging Videos | Pond5

I was not sure of these words but in funny way I did see it as a compliment as it made me see early “I was my own person” and now glad I was different.

Being different to others is okay, its how to present yourself and many people who feel loneliness its because they don’t have the right people around them to feel fulfilled and we are naturally all social creatures, yet I have suffered with social anxiety. That can be lonely right there, and you feel that only you can see it yet they can’t and think I am unsocialable.

When I write this it makes me ask, does this sound strange? Perhaps but it is true, I do feed off from other people and if someone wants to talk to me, I do and not judge them. I loved it as a kid we would go on holiday with other families the area I spent my life as a child and loved them, and would go camping with them too. I loved this community of people and wish they were still in my life.

We can be lonely when we feel unwanted in a family and often its the excuse, “Well they are family” yet should we feel left out? I settle and get to feel comfort by giving people space, but let them see I am here if they want to talk to me. If I don’t like someone I do stay back and don’t engage, or if I feel wary of them and often let them approach me if they want to, or not.

It is all about setting, and if you feel self conscious around some people that can then make you want to go elsewhere or they pretend that they haven’t been out all day without you and then tell you as you believe that they just met, yet was a cock and ball story, knowing that you both know the truth. I am someone who basically sees it as, “If you want me as a friend that’s fine but don’t pretend that you do”. Every human can feel lonely event those that have lots of cash and no where to go.

With lonely comes honesty and often people want you to feel lonely because they think its gonna make you want them around, yet you don’t want them and it can be tough to let people go, but sometimes you just have to, to get beyond he loneliness.

Being lonely isn’t an attack on someone it is a feeling and about wanting to be part of a world you feel you aren’t. Give time to those who really care not those that don’t. Listen to good music, videos and podcasts or even an audiobook, that makes you feel loved and that there is magic in those that can give you a lift and since sociallising on the net I have neverr looked back and thanks to modern technology I have now kept in touch with all the friends I have and it is a lot.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

How do you make people listen when they don’t want to hear?

13 Monday Sep 2021

Posted by in Boundaries, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, how to deal with those that drag you down, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Weekly posts, Work

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Hello and welcome! I am going to make sure I blog once or twice a week on this site, but with the school run, not be possible and so if you have been waiting for a new blog on this site, I apologise.

So topic of blog. How do you make people listen when they don’t want to hear?

How many of us have had this experience?

I know it can be a never ending battle, but if they aren’t willing to see things on your point of view, often they never will, so the ball is still in your court on that.

How important is it to have these people still in your life? You need to ask, as can you move away from them?

That is not always possible, but actions can speak wonders.

What do they bring you when you see them? There are people who can be super jealous which leads them to resent everything you say and just want to argue and what they seeing is that. You being happy reflects on them, when no they just using you as an excuse so if they don’t want to hear you, then don’t give them the time. Say to them “If you aren’t willing to listen then we can’t carry on as me being here is not making you happy and you want me to be, so lets talk or move on” this way you are still giving them choice without taking full control over them, but gives them something to think about.

I hate it when it feels like a tug of war, as then I end up not wanting to speak to them and there story has to be worse than yours and it becomes a battle of “Who’s story is the most important” and it should be equal. They listen to you and you listen to them.

Are we made on this planet to get on with everyone? In an ideal world perhaps but not realistically impossible, but you can still be polite rather than hostile and just keeping distant if you can’t move away from them completely.

So what are your thoughts? You can leave a comment below.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Summer Project 2021/Last day/Wiping the slate clean

02 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by in career building, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, People, Personal Development, Summer project 2021, Weekly posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

So to wipe the slate clean you have had to have a dilemma at some point, and argument with someone for example and because you can’t agree doesn’t have to be full blown argument, yet you want to say “Okay we can’t agree so I can’t meet you in the middle, but lets just say how we feel and l;eave it at that”, but often it can become more.

Often it can be about our passed and how you felt for each other, constant negativity, yet wiping the slate clean is to forget and forgive.

WE CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE OR BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE, BUT STILL BE RESPECTFUL, AND WHAT YOU DISH OUT IS WHAT YOU’LL RECEIVE BACK!

You go through who was it that started the argument? You go home and feel like slamming every door in the house, yet not resolved and you go through and througjh some more, and turning very angry that it arupts into spitefulness and pointing at every issue you have about them and they do the same, but after time can be fixed.

Often we just need a breather and time to reflect on how we feel about someone.

So if you are going through a break up do you wish to argue with this person everyday and be resentful all your life?

No! As if you never agree and it turns into attacking them and you, aren’t we all worth the time and effort to see if it can be over and return to being polite and civil? Yes it can.

Often we need to withdraw ourselves and be the first to make immense with that person rather than holding a constant grudge.

Does it depend on what they did?

Yes! It is all about giving chances and sitting down having a chat with them, and you can come to the poiint that you are laughing, but if staff towards you again to begin the argument again, it is then, you’ve given them a chance, now it is time to walk away.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Day 27/30 Day Challenge/Blog a day/Addressing my faults/Being happy for others

28 Wednesday Jul 2021

Posted by in Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Love, monthly challenges to manage my work, People, Personal Development, Positive Habits, Weekly posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Hello and welcome! This is blog number 27 and in this post I am talking about Addressing my faults and Being Happy for others

369,327 Two People Hugging Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

This is someone who had many faults, I used to butt in when having a conversation. I do switch off which isn’t a fault as such but for some people it can be and why I didn’t continue to do driving lessons and have gotten jealous and begrudging. Being on the other side of that they are not good traits to have and once you are on the receiving end of such emotions how it can turn into something unworthy and anger from them, who do feel that way.

I see them also as bad habits and bad behaviour and its the question is, “Do you want people to be happy and living a dream and or unhappy?”

“Do you want anger from others as does it make you feel better when they are?”

Everyone deserves happiness weather you like them or not and I find its those that always complain and never satisfied and nothing pleases them.

“Do I want people to see me in this way?” Of course not. I want the world to be a better place and stop war if I could and end suffering.

I dont want to see anyone homeless or anyone being hurt where they ca’t defind themselves, who would want that?

There are people who are just unkind and always want you to see you fail and that makes me sad rather than anger cause it can spiral out of them being isolated and alone.

We all have fleurs but there are those that learn from it and those that don’t and feel they are always right all of the time and I am not afraid of saying that I am wromg and have in many ways but I still come out of it still standing and we will make mistakes and working on ourselves is important in being received by people for good and not bad. So setting boundaries and rules for yourself is the way.

Lets #BeKind and #BeSmart.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

When Bestfriends Damage your Health physically and Mentally

17 Saturday Apr 2021

Posted by in Boundaries, Everyday living, friendship, Friendships and relationships, Love, People, Personal Development, Weekly posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

So, I did a blog about how Bestfriends can help your health, but what happens when a friend turns out to be an enemy and can damage our health physically and mentally.

When I become a friend of someone I become a friend for life, and so for me the relationship of friendship is important to me and what I see in a friend is someone who loves your company like you to with them, and have many things in common.

If they start to make snidy comments, start excluding you from nights out and use you to be friends with other people then blank you, it can then develop into not feeling like you don’t belong, to feeling of self-worth and that you in someway have upset them but you don’t know why. With friendships if I feel it is starting to turn I keep away and will further the gap between them.

1# Have some guard up and don’t be so trusting

They will comeback and be all nice again, yet as soon as another friend turns up they partner with them to then push you out of the way.

In this instants for me I tend to leave them be and say “They’ll soon come back and if there is another friend I can talk to, then I do”.

2# Never see is as it is you, because it isn’t it is them.

Friends can make you worry about certain things that you didn’t before like you body image and that like i experienced i was told by a girl at school that i was boring about talkng about my favourite TV show The Bill and that i would talk about my holiday to America.

It did hit a nerve, but I did lose all respect by those that was also part of that, and that person who said this to me started talking about The Bill and so it was okay for her, but no for me.

3# When you see triggers like this, its time to move away and keep your boundaries and let them know what your boundaries are

Friends because they are you friends see it as an excuse to be unkind, but it is also the gut instinct to say “No I am not feeling this friendship now its time to move away”.

Please never fear there are always other friendships.

You can become Socially awkward and go back into the shell you once lived in and hid. You can start to have Social Anxiety because you feel in adequant around friends who make you feel this way.

4# If it is a group of friends turning on you, find the instigator and have a word with them alone. You’ll see its because they feel you are weaker then then but when you want to chat with you they don’t. They turn on you, cause they see you as an easy touch. No its them.

Long life friends are the ones that really are when they stick around and you may have drifted apart but the love of your friendship is still there., and even though you may have your own lives, you still love seeing one another.

When a friendship drifts apart it can feel like you have lost a part of a limb because long life friends can often have a bigger inpact, and when you go separate ways it can be a huge justment and make you feel sad for a while and that you want to get the friendship back to where it was, but sometimes you do have to give friendships space.

5# if you don’t wanna lose a friends you have known forever has changed find another way that they can still be in your life but in a different way

So how i have done it, is through Social media like Facebook and Instagram but by sending a letter or a card occasionally. This can feel to them a warm hug to say I know we are not really in each others lives, you still love them and you are there should they wish to return to see you physically again.

I think with Lockdown in my case it has bought people to be closer like my son, that at the moment I don’t get to see him all of the time.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie L.M X