Category Archives: Personal Development

My Life Changes not resolutions

19 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Personal Development

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Every new year now I no longer make resolutions. Instead I make life changes.

I find that changing it to that, helps me to stick to those changes.

I may fall off the rails from time to time, but I will always pick myself up and carry on.

life is full of hurdles and there will be times when I think “Why, why do I want to make this life change?” example my fitness.

From time to time, I have felt like throwing in the towel “No I don’t want to do any today, but then I feel anxious, like I haven’t accomplished much and get stuck in this battle with myself”.

As soon as I exercise whether it is running, walking or working out to a DVD at home, I am reminded why.

  • I feel I have more energy
  • I instantly feel like I have more time
  • I feel I can take on the day ahead
  • I become more relaxed, and laid back, instead of worrying all the time.

The one thing I am doing this year that I will change in my life, is to get ahead of myself. Hence why if you check out my websites below you will see I have written blogs about Valentines Day:

https://everydaylivingandlifestyle.wordpress.com 

https://sportsandfitnessandpassion.wordpress.com 

http://www.carriesreaworld.com 

The other thing I have done this year, is keep a fitness journal diary, aswell as my pesonal Filofax I use to bullet journal my training. I have a book for my fitness diary/journal and created a fitness diary in blog form.

I decided to do this, not to preach about fitness, but show how I go about it, the dilemmas I may face, but to show people it is okay. We assume as people we have to be this ideal perfect person of ourselves. Yet it can often be that we are chasing something that is impossible, which is being perfect.

Fact: No one is perfect and everyone’s definition of what is perfect is different, so you’ll never be that. What you can be is yourself and build on that.

. It is okay I know I will get those days where the old mindset of not wanting to workout, will try and fight its way back in, but I got to be strong and say “No this is what I need to help me feel good, to help me achieve all my goals in my life I set”

My point is, if I can do even if it is 5 minutes of training so can you.

That is not impossible. 

It isn’t about being someone else or changing completely, but something that will help move you to the next chapter in your life and claim the things you know you deserve.

Change your mindset.

If you want something get it. Don’t sit back, what if you knew you could get what you wanted in a day?

What would you do?

I have realised in order for me to feel body confident and get the size and shape I want to be, I need to be a bit more stricter with myself when it comes to fitness and my diet. I got to stop thinking “I can eat that cake, I’ll burn it off, no problem” I know I have been a bit reckless, and this has at the same time effected how I feel about myself, making me feel like I have less energy, not liking my image game.

I do not want to go down that road again, I know I deserve more, and so do you

So I am gonna take my diet and fitness more seriously, as I want to be more importantly a good role model to my son. I want him to have a well balance diet, but I know for him to have that I have to set an example.

When I see a chocolate bar and want to eat it, I now think “How will that make me feel later on?” Regretful. Not a good place to be. How will this look like to Henry, what message am I sending?

I am not saying, that I won’t have any, just not so much.

In relation to this I will be working out each day. So far in the week I am sticking with that, but finding weekends tricky but determined to stick to my life change and to find time at the weekends. If you want to know what I do I work in Customer Service.

I am giving up crisps. I made a choice, chocolate or crisps, and I chose crisps. Easy for me, and I don’t actually feel it is a massive lose.

The other is be financially free. I do have debts, and I am keeping a Debt Diary, to help me address my spending issue and to get my debt cleared. Again I want to use this so when I am financially free, I can say how I did it to help others. Use my negative situation into a positive and to help make sure it happens.

I have been watching a lot of Grant Cardone. If you don’t know who he is, here is a taster of one of his videos which got me first watching him. He gives some really good tips on how to get the job you want. Another life change for me this year, to create more income and to build towards getting the career I want.

 

He to me is a business man Guru, a Messiah in his field. He is also very funny, and gives some great tips about creating more income.

As money gets higher in value, the value of money you earn in your job, like mine will working in customer service, will decrease .The value of items such as clothes and shows, will start to increase in price, and so it is important to build a better income.

The one tip that really sits in my head is:

Only save unless you are doing it to reinvest

It’s not about how much money you have at the moment, but what you can create and build towards having.

So my last life change now, for myself and is to build a higher income for myself and get that job I want, in the process.

Changes you make shouldn’t be about the New Year, but things you do that will change your life for the better.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creating a foundation and following the unplanned

03 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Boundaries, Personal Development

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The one thing I have learned from being a child, a teenager and an adult, is that the more of a foundation you create, the more you will be able to handle rejection, criticism and general negativity in your life.

You will never stop anyone from feeling negative towards you, there will always be people who will see things differently to you, but it doesn’t really mean they are wrong or you are, and there will always be, no matter what, people who do nothing more than bring you down. They want to bring you to their level to make them feel good, no matter what.

My advice,

Leave them in their misery”

“If they never have anything good to say, then let this be their problem, not yours. Never allow these people to stop you from what you believe in or what you want to do with your life as that is exactly what they want”*

 

What type of foundation should you want to create?

One that makes you smile when you feel down, and gives you fulfillment, gives you security and reassurance.

Those people around you, who know how to bring you back to earth, and let you know that if what you plan in your life doesn’t go to plan, they still have your back at the end of the day.

There is the negative and the positive foundation

Those who will instantly bring you up and those who will instantly bring you down, those who will purposely lead you down a bad road, and you end up hurting yourself and others.

How many stories do we read of famous people who end up with the people who dictate what they should wear, eat and who they should be in a relationship with, and ended up being with someone that changes their life forever, leading them into drugs and drink, and before they know it, their life is out of control.

Did they have a good or bad foundation?

I don’t believe people actually wake up in the morning to have a bad day.

If there was a pill to bring people happiness, I guarantee it would sell out within a day. I believe that people all want to feel good about themselves and feel fulfilled, because what is the point of being alive if not?

People who become famous for example, for singing, acting and creating worldwide businesses, obviously felt that this talent couldn’t got to waste and had a purpose to their life.

I never believe someone who becomes famous plans to fail or go down the wrong path, and purposely sets a bad foundation, but it can too often be because the people supporting them can often get lead by the fame too, and are forever saying “Yes” and not “No” and when people get used to people saying “Yes” to their needs, they can often go against those who say “No” when they are the ones who are trying to help them the most.

They get lost in the world of fame and find it hard to bring themselves up into the realworld again.

Then there are those who have started of with a poor foundation, or started of with a bad foundation, but through determination, strength and never letting any challenges pull them down, have thrived to create an amazing foundation, that can never be taken down, no matter what.

The one person who strings to my mind when I think of this, is famous people like Richard Branson, who started selling things out of the boot of his car and created one of the most famous brands in the world. Virgin.

However you don’t have to become a multi millionaire or even billionaire to create a good foundation, which can become unbreakable. Sometimes people who come from nothing to a millionaire can seem like they have a good foundation, but then get out of control and ended up bankrupt.

I remember reading one of Paul McKenna’s books and he described that even though he was in the prime of his career, how he felt empty and not completely fulfilled as he had hoped.

I remember the girl bad TLC, from the 90’s and they had a hit with “Don’t go chasing Waterfalls”, and looked like they were on the road to an amazing lifelong singing career, only for it to all come crashing down.

Now the bad no longer exist. Well I haven’t heard anything since watching VH-1 years ago, when they did a documentary on their career.

All the money they had made from their hits, had gone.

There will always be times when you will trip and fall, but creating a foundation around you will help support you.

I am also a great believer in that sometimes the unplanned is better than the plan, when something out of the blue occurs and it feels amazing and then you start to develop a foundation to maintain that unplanned event, that has changed your life.

An Example: I went to work down in Bognor Regis, as I wanted to work within a holiday camp and work within the entertainments department.

That never happened. Instead I met my now husband, and then within a year we were living together, and now 14 years later, we are married with a son, which was the greatest gift ever.

That has become my foundation.  

The roads we choose may vary, and it may take several routes for us to get where we really truly want to be, but with the correct people around us, to help us in our journey we are more than likely to succeed.

Be weary of who you choose. It is okay to be picky, just make sure that they suit you, and meet your expectations, are honest with you and you in turn respect them and treat them as part of a team, and give credit when it is due, there is nothing worse when you have helped someone, and they haven’t even said thank you.

My son and husband are my foundation. When I feel low, I just have to take one look at them and I feel good, I know I have something to succeed for.

I knew going to Bognor Regis I would gain my independence and find a life of my own, and I did just that. I did try getting into the entertainments side, but by then I was on the road to another path, and found my passion for fitness, taking on charity runs and did my first half marathon, I then found my passion again for writing and here I am.

Continuing with the foundation I already have, I have now started to create a another foundation, by having my own income again, for the next path, and I am no longer worried about following the initial plan, but setting myself goals and targets.

It isn’t about the plan, but what you learn and discover as you go about your life.

Related blog I recommend: http://balanceinme.com/blog/life-balance-foundation/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Building Relationships

22 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Personal Development

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Being married for 10 years has had its ups and downs like most, and we certainly don’t spend every minute of the day together, I believe in personal space even being in a relationship, but I do also like our together times too.

We aren’t all over each other like a rash and we don’t always cuddle up at night. I like being left alone for some of the night, as I feel that this is my time to try and switch off and be in my own thoughts.

What we do have is understanding. We know we want to have that time together and when we want that space. You just sense it by the body language and the fact that my husband has his face berried in his tablet like myself at times.

Building relationships whether it be romantic or not, is part of the human being. Learning how to be around other people, respecting the other persons boundaries, even though you do get those who try and break them. You learn how to compromise and how to pick up tips from other people, which can inspire us.

We look at someone who we idolise on the TV as an example and we see the life they have to what we have, and we think “Wow I would love to experience that” so even though you haven’t met the person, you have already formed a relationship with that image of that person. You build up this admiration for them, you love their voice, what they have to say, their talent and sometimes you can feel as if they are a part of you. You want to know how they are like that and how can I be like that too?

Above is a photo of the extreme, those who go to lengths to look like someone else, but is this a good relationship.

I always think it is dangerous route to take. Idolising someone is different to copying someone completely, and that can be a bad relationship.

You can never be like someone else. You don’t know their thoughts unless you are a mind reader, only the person themselves know what is going on in their head, and your chasing something you’ll never be.

However you can also learn from this too. Look at how they walk, talk and stand, why they have so many people admiring them, and you can use their body language to help you too.

Language can really help when building relationships, as a lot of the time when a relationship breaks down, what usually comes up is the communication. The lack of it. When they talk to you it feels like an attack or a criticism. We can often feel that they don’t love us anymore because they are talking to us differently.

We can often put up a barrier in our communication, because of our tone of voice. We can sound like we are too busy with something else other than that person who loves us, but we don’t mean to, we get caught up in the everyday and we forget “Oh this person loves us”.

Or when we try to talk to our partners we can often feel they no longer want to talk to us, when if we waited for them to finish what they were doing, and be patient then that person will talk to us, once they are ready too.

We can be demanding “Why aren’t you talking to me” “Why are you not responding the way I want you too”. We often complain because we expect at times for our love ones to read our minds, but they are human too, and no man or woman is really a mind reader.

I am no relationship or marriage counsellor but I am a married woman, whose parents divorced when I was reaching the end of my teen years, and it was tough seeing the break up and being in it.

Once we take the pressure off from a relationship then both parties can feel relief. I know when I have piled too much pressure on mine and my husbands, because I have had too much of an unrealistic expectation. Like on days out and he hasn’t wanted to walk on further along the river, he can’t see what I had planned, he didn’t play out my head to see “Oh she wanted to go and walk along the River Thames to have a drink by Tower Bridge” no it was all in my head, but as soon as he didn’t want to walk that far, I felt hurt that I had spent all that time planning in my mind of the day. I felt he didn’t care because I had this ideal image of the day, that I never mentioned until he didn’t want to go there.

How was he supposed to know?

I kind of expected him to know. How?

If I had said from the beginning I would like to go and have a drink near tower bridge, I had planned it since planning this day, then I am sure he would have said “Okay” but I didn’t.

This again, was down to me not communicating correctly, which once I realised that I quickly learnt from. My job in customer service, one thing it teaches is how to form good relations with customers by using certain words and effective communication, but when it comes to using these lessons at home, there is often a communication break down.

So from looking outside of my relationship and from others I have witnessed, the important parts of building a relationship is quite simple.

Understanding, communicate effectively, pressure off and compromise when required.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Social Anxiety at Christmas

10 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by in Personal Development

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Christmas can bring a mixture of emotions. There are those that thrive at Christmas who can’t wait to get out their Christmas Reef and decorate their home and attend those every year get together’s with family and their work Christmas parties.

Then there are those who dread this time of year. They feel uncomfortable when it comes to being given a gift, as they aren’t used to showing delight, and now they feel they have to put on a show of gratefulness. Even if it is another pair of PJ’s or socks.

Dreading the Christmas party all those people in one room, to some there is nothing worse.

Image result for social anxiety at Christmas

Reading an article on the website http://www.mind,org.uk  in the UK 1 in 4 adults feel anxious about social gatherings during the festive period. I felt it the other day, when I went to attend a Mulled Wine and Mince pie evening at my son’s nursery. It was to look at our beautiful children’s art work and discuss about our children and how they were getting on at the nursery.

There was one point when talking I felt myself begin to stutter and became tongue tied and self aware, so as soon as I felt I was doing it, I stopped took a breath just for a second and then carried on.

It is learning the triggers of when you feel the anxiety and self consciousness step in, that can help you. To me it feels like a I have a widget just above the stomach and I can feel it raising higher up into my chest.

Also it is okay to say you have an issue aswell. I talked to them about me as a child and what my fears were at having my own children that they would go through the same feelings I did at nursery and at school, and it really helped.

Talking to someone about it first going through the feelings you feel can really make a difference.

If you are dreading the Christmas party, as with all the mind matters that I write about, one thing I would always recommend is to write it down and take perspective on your feelings.

Ask yourself when did these feelings begin?

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Knowing how it feels when you dread meeting with people I want to help others to prevent those fears and feelings too. So addressing the history of those feelings, like if you have suffered bullying, you are paranoid because a passed event took place and it plays on your mind still and you worry in case it may happen again, is a great place to start.

You are worried about what to wear, you are fed up of feeling you don’t fit in, and that like I experienced in one of my work places, they only found me fun when I was drunk.

The last time I saw these particular colleagues was when I had met up with them in London, and we were having a laugh, I had a drink and I had decided to pop to the lavatory.

Coming back and retrieving my drink, I noticed it was suddenly tasting funny. It was only when I pressed the person who was looking after my drink, got stroppy and said “We’ve put a Tequila in it” and laughed. I was quite taken aback and I didn’t say anything but I was not happy.

They basically spiked my drink.

Now I am always up for a laugh, but the one thing I do not agree with doesn’t matter what it is. You should never spike someones drink. It is so dangerous, and what if I had, had a sudden allergic reaction. You just never know and people have and so from that night I decided perhaps it would be best to stay away.

I have never been in contact with them again.

It did make me avoid work parties and I only began to go out with my friends I know from school and I know I can trust.

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Going back and addressing the issues that first caused you to have the feelings of social anxiety can help you. Anxiety, as I have spoken in a video about, see video below, is an emotion that is there to protect us, but not control us.

When we have anxiety of any form it can usually be the “What if’s and who is going to be there”, “What if I trip and fall, I have my skirt tucked into my knickers again like last time”. It can be a medical issue that can hold us back. If you are worried about your breath, you are bloated and don’t want to break wind in front of everyone when having chat and a drink.

I know people will laugh at this, but it can be something that worries people and causes them to fear other people.

So work out what had triggered these feelings from the beginning

Then ask what could be the best thing about the Christmas party? What good things could happen?

This will help you to get in touch with your positive part of the brain.

It can feel at times so easy to listen to the negative part of the brain, because if something does happen, it’s that holding up your guard, as if to say you had kind of expected it, in some way, then it won’t be such a blow to the system if something does happen.

If that is the case let me ask you, will it make you feel any better knowing you were right that the worse thing did happen?

Another way of addressing such issues, is by grabbing a notebook, and right the best things about (using the Work Christmas Party as an example) of what could happen and why you should go, then number each line, from 1 to 5, and write down 5 things, doesn’t have to be an essay or many words, but to the point, of the really good things that can come out of the evening with your colleagues.

Example:

  1. I get to see my friend from another department I don’t always get to see
  2. A great opportunity to grow my own network of contacts in my work place
  3. I will get to wear that black dress I bought ages ago
  4. My friend is going so I won’t be entirely on my own
  5. All my colleagues have all said they would be really happy to see me there

Then on another page or underneath that write a list of 5 things, that you are worried about.

Example:

  1. I am worried about my skin looking too pale
  2. I feel like mutton dressed as lamb
  3. Not all my colleagues in my department are going
  4. I fear I may not know many other work colleagues there
  5. What if I am not able to make conversation

Recap:

  • Address when your social anxiety started

  • Then get in touch with the positive side of the brain to think of the good things about going to your work Christmas party

  • Then go through the list of things that is worrying you

Then you want to from 1 to 10, mark down the possibilities of each item you are worried about. For example, I am worried about looking too pale and if you feel the probability is a 9 out of 10, then what would help reduce that probability?

You watch programmes like TOWIE where it is fake tan galore and perfect skin and nails, but remember they have been dolled up for entertainment and would have spent ages in hair and make up.

There is no harm in pampering yourself, build the areas you do like about yourself.

To address the first item you are worried about, list 5 things you do like about your body and appearance.

I wouldn’t recommend sunbeds due to how bad they are for you, but you can get tinted moisturisers. Exfoliate first and then use tinted body cream or wash off tan.

Make sure you choose a tone that suits your skin. The last thing you want to look is orange, but have a healthy glow. However I do think pale skin can suit a lot of people. There are stars like Nigella Lawson, who oozes paleness and was seen as a domestic goddess.

What would increase your confidence in this area?

Again list 5 things.

Example:

  1. Choose an item of clothing that will help reduce the paleness. For example, red always suits me and blues. Finding the right colour clothing for your skin tone can make a huge difference.

  2. Show the assets I do like. Do you have a cleavage, do you like your legs or arms?

  3. There is an outfit that always suits me. Go and look at it and put it on and ask yourself, why this outfit always gains me compliments?

  4. My hair, I always get people saying how lovely my hair is. What could I do that will make me feel more elegant and take the eyes of my pale skin?

  5. Could I be anaemic? I am being serious, I was pale as a child a lot and it turned out that I had a low immunity especially during my periods, so you may be lacking some iron in your body. Worth getting checked out.

Then do the same for the next one in your worried list.

Addressing the issue is the key to finding a solution. Once you find a solution then you can start putting pieces of the puzzle together to help build your social insecurities

You have to be honest with yourself. The more honest you are the more you will find the answers and be able to help build your confidence in social situations.

Then write 5 things of how you will feel if you don’t go to the Christmas party?

Example:

  1. I will feel that I missed out and there will be loads of chatter about it in weeks to come, and I won’t feel part of it causing me to feel even more left out
  2. Relieved but guilty, due to people asking why I wasn’t there
  3. Childish and defeated
  4. Missed a great opportunity to form stronger relationships with colleagues. Some evenings, in my experience, I have had out have been the best way to get to know people and form friendships at work. People outside of the working environment, tend to be more relaxed when socialising with work colleagues once the working day has finished
  5. Annoyed at myself for not having the guts to go, and now I feel like I have taken a step backwards

Then close your eyes thinking about what you have written, play the movie of the image of you at the Christmas party. Picture both images, the areas where you are worried, and the areas where you have written down that you feel would be a good idea to go to the Christmas party.

Start to reduce the negative image of you at the Christmas party and increase the positive image.

Keep imagining this until the negative image is a dot and the positive image is so big you feel you can almost touch it, then imagine the negative image going completely. Do this several times, before the party, and this will really help you to fight against the anxiety and not allow your social anxiety to hold you back.

I really hope you find this blog helpful and many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Feeling Lonely- Will It Ever Go Away

15 Tuesday Nov 2016

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For some, this time of year is the time to be jolly and excited about gifts they will receive or buy, and seeing friends and family they haven’t seen for a long time.

Then there are others who will be on their own at Christmas. The percentage of the elderly who feel lonely has increased this year, and I find it so sad, but at the same time I do identify with those feelings.

There have been times when I have felt alone, I was never a girl who had loads of boyfriends, and my friends once they began to see boys, often created a new circle so the circle I had with them, started to fade too.

When talking to one of my friends, even when she had a boyfriend she still often felt lonely.

If you look up the word Lonely on the internet you’ll see the definition on Google browser to mean,

“sad because one has no friends or company”,

but even when we have company if we feel unattached to the people around us, we can feel lonely too.

So I feel the word “Lonely” to be sometimes defined incorrectly.

I see it as someone who feels unattached from the world and the people around them.

Listening to a phone in on the ITV 1 program This Morning, a lady called up saying how Lonely she felt, she felt she had no one. She had tried going to a local club, but still she was one her own.

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Feeling like we have no one can send us to the rock bottom and that can lead to depression, falling down a steep hole as I have often seen it, and it is a battle to try and get out of the hole, dropping deeper and deeper.

What I would say is, write a list of the people who you do know, or have known. I often find that writing about my feelings as I have written in many of my blogs, to be so useful and I would always recommend keeping a journal.

I have kept a journal all the time, and have done so from a young age, maybe not continuously filling it in everyday, but have always had one there so when I need to, I know it is there for me to share my thoughts and fears. I have different ones, my everyday bullet journal which is a quick note down of my day and what is coming up, a one where I share all happy thoughts and memories and another for all my personal fears and feelings.

A Self Help book I would recommend is a book called “Mindfulness on the go” written by Padraig O’Morain, a bit of peace in your pocket.

 

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Mindfulness on the Go a definite book I recommend helps you reattach yourself with the people and world around you.

This will help re-attach you to the world. Be with the world around you, look at the buildings, the roads, people, cars going by, nature and will help you have peace with yourself.

Before you can attach yourself back to the world, you have to build the confidence within yourself.

How are you supposed to be happy with the world and make friends, if you don’t make friends with yourself and be happy with yourself?

Take the pressure off, don’t push yourself to go to the local club you have checked out, until you are ready. Take gradual steps.

Mindfulness helps you to concentrate on your breathing whilst appreciating the things that are around you.

Walking through my local common for example and being mindful, has really helped me when I have felt low and helped to reattach myself, and see that there is a magnificent world out there.

Getting in touch with nature, visiting a local farm, a zoo, or just going for a quiet walk not particularly having a plan of where to go, but just getting to know the place you live again, and as you do so, if someone says good morning, afternoon or evening, say it back.

I have noticed since walking through my local common how often other people are a lot more friendlier, and appear to be happier, and there is at least one person who will greet me and notice me. There is something about nature that helps others relax and be approachable.

Go for a coffee and if someone smiles or you see someone looking for somewhere to sit and they to are on their own too, why not ask them to join you?

This is one of my husband and I’s regular ways we reattach having a coffee together, or spending sometime away from where we live, having a few drinks and a bite to eat. Being by the sea can really make a difference in your feelings. I always feel happy with my life and get to know people when I am in a peaceful surrounding.

It is the little things that create the big things in life, and sometimes as a couple it can be so easy with work and children to become unattached from each other, that you start to feel lonely. So having sometime just the two of you, can really make all the difference.

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Image from: https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=take+on+a+challenge&biw=1365&bih=785&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwibkIaksKvQAhXBAMAKHU01DgoQ_AUIBigB&dpr=0.75#imgrc=P-IDB95jJbPGNM%3A

A good way to help loneliness is to take on a challenge. Back when I was living in the South Coast of England, there was a period where I would look in the mirror at myself and cry and I felt like my life wasn’t going anywhere.

It was in May 2005 when I knew I had to change things. I decided I was once and for all going to make fitness a part of my everyday lifestyle and set myself up on a challenge. The year 2008 I took on the Great North Run. Something I never thought I would ever do.

It was the biggest thing I had ever achieved in my life and it proved to myself that if I wanted to make a change in my life and create better things, I was capable of doing so. Taking on the Great North Run was what I needed to make me see what I could do when I put my mind to it. There were people who didn’t even know me, but took an interest and gave me a cheer on.

Open your eyes at the people next door or who have invited you out and you have turned them down. If you have kept saying no and they no longer ask you, that is because once people often hear the word “No” they will stop asking. You will be surprised that they will then miss your company too. So if you see them again, why not ask them if you can finally take them up on their offer and join them.

I have often felt lonely as a new mum, feeling isolated and I still do at times. I still even now that Henry is 3 years old, still feel at times that I am getting things wrong, but then I look at my boy, who is very healthy, very sociable, happy and loves to explore and I know I must be doing something good, right? It has made me more confident, it has helped me chat to other mums who are feeling the same and just having a chat to them can make all the difference to them too.

Motherhood is challenging and if you are a mum feeling lonely then remember the little creation you have bought into the world. Giving birth is a challenge in itself, so taking on other challenges that will give you a chance to meet other a people, like a charity walk or run, will really help you beat the loneliness.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

My Return

17 Monday Oct 2016

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It has been a while since I wrote a blog on this site. Sometimes when you feel that you need to step back in order to add more, it is time to do more soul searching and learn from others.

There were still some things I needed to work on for myself.

Since creating this blog, I started creating videos on YouTube talking about Self Confidence as to build a better foundation and future, you do have to address certain issues.

Please see my last video I did about Self Confidence talking about Relationships.

I apologise I hadn’t followed on doing any videos about my relationship with my husband as I was going to do some videos to celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary but other family events took over.

However I will do more. I think when you find a good relationship with people, your writing like me, family and other things in your life, it can be a juggling act to maintain a good stable relationship, but for me it is all about compromising and prioritising. What is more important? Cleaning or helping my son with his development? for example.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t get that cleaning done, it just means that you will when it is a good time too.

To continue to build this website, I knew I needed to take a breather from it and really research, and it has done me good.

Trying out new and different things, has helped like, for example I did have a Mind Management page on my Carriesrealworld website, but I just didn’t feel it, I felt it had more presents on this blog website. So all my Self confidence videos will now be on this website.

Taking some time out from this blog site has helped to be able to add more to the blogs on this site. Learning from others and being inspired is what I truly love. Not copying that is an entirely different thing altogether, but inspired by how easy it can be once you learn how to address certain emotions and challenges that come your way.

I have experienced financial challenges recently, but I know this is just for now and it will change. When I hit a bump in the road it makes me “STOP”, “LOOK”, and “CHANGE”. That is what we need to do when challenges come our way to take control.

People may say “Well you obviously wasn’t paying a attention to what you were spending”. Well actually I was. I knew where that money was going. I do a budget each month, I do coupon, I do keep my receipts and keep a spreadsheet of my expenses, but I also knew that this would be the last time I would splurge for the year. Now it is back to the drawing board, and save money for this part of the year, as I do have my son’s birthday, aswell as my mum’s and my brothers, then my step dads and my sister-in-law, and then Christmas. I also do have debts to clear still, which I have also been concentrating on.

I am not going to hit myself over the head anymore, I am sick of doing that. Instead I like to reflect and take action. I am pleased with what I bought, it was my birthday and also my husband and I, had to travel to Lincoln for a family funeral, so it wasn’t all on things, but on real important items.

So taking the time out that I had, and with other things that I know has effected my feelings about myself is a good way of looking at those things from the outside. It makes you see where that particular thing needs to be worked on, for there to be that good relationship and for the relationship to continue.

So I am ready to write again, on this website and help more people build their castles to a better life and wellbeing.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

Chasing Dreams

19 Monday Jan 2015

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Lets begin with a question.

If there is one thing you have always dreamed of doing and you knew you couldn’t fail at getting to achieve that dream what would it be?

I would like you to just think about that question for a second before you read on.

To get to achieve the things you would like you have to first of all think about your priorities.

What are your main priorities that you need to maintain in your life?

For me my priorities are:

– Being a mum and looking after my son.

– To provide for my family and support my husband

– To look after our home, and create a foundation to help us save towards a new home our dream home.

– To continue to look after myself and help those who need help and support more

What do I want to do that will help keep those things together, but will help me to focus on the things I want?

My dreams,

– To work from home so I can spend time with my son through his most important time of his life.

– Work Part-time to help support my husband, to go towards the things our son needs,  and things we need to keep our home in order, clean and tidy; whilst I work towards and fund my dreams to having a successful career and be a successful housewife.

– To have a career as a writer, create projects using my coaching skills to help further to build people’s confidence and helping communities who are in more need than me.

– A better financial situation for myself.

So far I have achieved 4 things. I now am working from home voluntarily as a blog writer and published my first book last year, and since first writing this blog, I have written my first ever novel “A Lonely Walk to Happiness” available at http://www.amazon.co.uk 

And I am now writing my third book and this year got my first freelance writing job. Writing for someone else.

I coached a local youth football team, 2 in fact and now want to use that to eventually help people in communities to build better life skills and use sport and fitness like it did for me to form better relationships with people through learning about team work and to help support families in need and help to build their confidence about themselves.

I then began making Vlogs to help people who have self confidence issues on YouTube and I already do fundraising through doing charity runs and walks. My Youtube channel has grown since first writing this blog, and now share part of my world in videos too. Sharing my life as a working parent and my many interests, and loves.

My Youtube channel is: https://www.youtube.com/user/cazzacheers1

I have been working part time for 2 years now.

There is still a lot I need to put into achieving the rest, but I know with my persistence, strength and beliefs I will do all the things on my current dreams list.

What helps me to achieve the things I want is by visualising. I imagine that I have already achieved the goal, what I felt, my appearance, the colour of the image, how I am dressed, standing and what I can smell, to make me feel as is it has actually happened. Visualising dreams can help you see clearly what it is you want. There is no point getting into a car without knowing where you want to go. You should always have a destination.

Visualising your dreams will help to train the brain to send those positive signals, that produce endorphin’s that give you excitement, happiness, peace and belief. When you see the image of the dream you want to create for real, write it down into your dreams book (or whatever notebook you use).

In the picture what is it you see?

How did you get there?

When a castle was built it would have taken many men, but it would have been from one persons visualisation that helped create it into reality. It would have been from an image in someone’s mind to create the picture of the castles you see on our lands today. It would have taken weeks and months, probably several years to build, but it took ones persons image to produce that dream for real. They may have had to tweak or change the original image as it was being built, due to the land, the materials used and any laws they had back then to when they were built but it would have been from one persons imagination to begin with to create that structure. They would have had to draw it out, describe it to their fellow men, and they may not have agreed or even may have had to convince people of building these magnificent attractions which still sit on our lands today. However these magnificent creations did become a reality, and were built and completed no matter what challenges were faced.

Castles are made up of pieces put together to create a frame and structure so it stands correctly so it doesn’t fall down. I bet there were days when they first started, where they began to have doubts when creating such huge landmarks.

Doubts are normal they are what helps us to weigh up the pros and cons, but what you need to do is not allow the doubts to hold you back. Address the doubts, what is that is saying are you sure? Ask yourself what if someone else takes that dream you want away from you, how would that make you feel?

  • Do you want to be the best at what your already currently good at now?
  • Or do you want to do something completely different?
  • How would you feel if someone else tried to take your ideas you have worked on to build their life?
  • If you want to do something completely different would you be willing to start from the beginning again, at the bottom to work your way back up to the other path you wish to take on, in your life?
  • Going back to the question I asked at the beginning, if you knew you couldn’t fail at achieving the dreams you want what would it be? What steps would you take?
  • What are your main priorities?

The people or things in your life that you would put your neck on the line for and you are not willing to give up, those are the priorities to help you give yourself and them the life you want and to make your life and theirs even better.

Why do I want to do the dreams I have chosen?

The most important people in my life are my son and husband. I want to support my husband emotionally, to help bring up our son and financially.

The important thing in my life is my home where I live with my husband and son.

I want to help build a better life and future for myself, but also for my son and husband. I want to give my son the best start in life, but also invest in his future, should he want to take up a sport, or other interest and when he is a lot older if he wants to go onto college and university. Those choices that my son will make in his life I want him to be able to make without worrying about money. I am not saying that we will give our son everything he wants as I do think it is important that we still teach him the value of money and if there is something he wants he has to earn it and getting somewhere and being success includes putting in hard work. If he is naughty then we won’t be giving him what he wants. However I want to invest money that will help my son should the worst thing happen and I am no longer able to be there for my little boy.

I know that there is more out there for me but I have got to put the time, focus and commitment in for me to get to see what else I can have in my life. The same for yourself you can have the things you want in life but you have got to earn, commit, keep focus and not allow any challenges stand in your way.

Think about these words Earn it, keep it and invest it.

Set out your dreams, visualise and plan. Know your priorities and take on any challenges and doubts, address your doubts use these to push you on. Know where you want to go think about being in a car and as your driving you are  watching your life play out from your current life to your future, where do you want to be, what do you want to be doing, who do you want to be there?

You may on your way have to turn off as like life there may be a closed road or something may have occurred and so you are now needing to choose a different direction, but there will always be another route, and if you really want to get to that dream and the thing you have always wanted then you will get there.

I wish you good luck and never stop believing in yourself.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Feeling good about yourself

14 Wednesday Jan 2015

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Low self esteem isn’t something you are born with but is something that is triggered by someone or something, it can lead to other psychological problems. In terms of myself it was,

  • Comparing myself to others
  • Bullying
  • Not feeling comfortable when my body began to change as I became a teenager

It took me a while for me to accept myself, and even struggled when I got married and wouldn’t watch my wedding video or pictures of myself at my mums wedding because of the way I felt about myself. I knew I couldn’t continue to feel this way, and so I began to make changes in my life, as I didn’t want to look back in my 70’s should I reach that age, knowing that all I did is feel bad about myself. The changes had to come from me. To do that I began learning from others using tools and exercises to get in touch with my positive feelings and side of the brain. Instead of wanting to do something I started to do it, such as exercise and taking up walking long distances and running.

I got back into writing and blogging, where I did another blog about building self confidence which was called Building self confidence- Feeling like the ugly duckling. I began to educate myself about food, as I needed to change the way I saw food and my relationship with it. I had to take myself out of my comfort zone, and do things that I have always thought “I would love to do that one day” to “I am going to do that”. I remember one May in 2006 watching the London Marathon and thinking instead of saying I will do this one day I am going to do it, and I applied for the 2007 London Marathon, however didn’t manage to get a place, but I have been trying ever since. I had to stop running for a while when I became pregnant, however I have not stopped wanting to do this and I hope to finally get to do the Virgin London Marathon in the next couple of years.

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I have since done other events, and still do them even after having my son and completed a Personal Best last in July 2015, when I did the British London 10K which I also did the year after, and completed another Personal Best. In the same year of completing the London 10K the second time, I then in September of 2016, took on the Royal Parks Half Marathon.

Exercise has become my therapy and my love for walking has grown even stronger, it is so good for the mind and clearing out your thoughts and have done walks for charity and each year, doing the London Bridges walk for Garden House Hospice.   

This year 2016 on the 10th September I completed a 25KM walk, to take on the Thames Path Challenge. 

I started off when I had a day off from work in the week because I was working at the weekend I would go for walks around London and walked one day from Wimbledon to Tower Bridge, and I used to when I worked in Kingston, walk from Kingston to Wimbledon and then Kingston to Epsom.

The walks weren’t always easy, there were hurdles sometimes in the way, diversions, or under passes which I am dubious about walking through and toilet breaks, fatigue can set in so you have to boost up your hydration and energy levels, but when I saw the finishing line, example when walking to Tower Bridge it gave me such a boost and looking back now it was like travelling through life.

Life has many paths and tunnels, and it is the paths and tunnels we choose to take that will help us to take the next stage in our lives. There will be challenges, and hurdles. However if you focus on the goal you want and take on the challenges, but continue to be determined and committed you can achieve the things you want in your life that will help you feel good about yourself and will help bring you happiness.

  • It is OK to say I want to change the way I look, but ask yourself why?
  • What is the real reason why you want to make this change?
  • Is it because of someone else or for yourself?

Asking the right questions will give you the right answers.

I knew the reason why I wanted to get fit was because I wanted to change the image I saw in the mirror by changing my lifestyle, getting in touch with my thoughts and produce the endorphin’s I needed. It did help me smile and realise what I could accomplish and what I do like about myself.

I have legs that can help me achieve goals that I never thought I could, a mind that can create ideas, hands that can help me to be creative and write and can use to exercise too, such as weight lifting. I have learned too cook new meals, met new people, I have been told I have a wonderful smile and people get a buzz from me when I am fully enjoying myself and happy

Another key thing in building yourself self confidence about yourself is learning to see why you have the family you do and what they see, and your friends’ Why you bring happiness to them?

When you feel negative that is all you see, you don’t see the positive. You will always focus on the negative “I don’t feel good about myself” so you need to change the view you are seeing. See what people see in you, take yourself out of you to see the good within you.

Watching This Morning yesterday they had The Speakmans on who specialise in Schema Conditioning Psychotherapy they were helping people who were lacking low self-esteem and they did an exercise where by they asked a couple of women who were suffering from low self-esteem to look at themselves in the mirror and tell them what (The Speakmans) they saw and thought about themselves. As these women were talking, Eva Speakman wrote down and got a stranger to read back to these ladies of what they thought about themselves.

Then they asked the ladies to think about the person who they loved and who loved them back what they would say about them and again Eva Speakman wrote this down and got them to read these comments back to themselves and then look at themselves again. Doing this exercise made them refocus their thoughts and get in touch with their positive side of the brain.

That is what you need to do is change your focus by doing these types of exercises and making lifestyle changes, writing down how you feel, looking at a time when you did feel happy about yourself or of a memory that makes you smile, expand that image and play it in your head as if it is a movie.

What was it back then that made you feel good about yourself or makes you smile? Write about this down.

Also as talked about in my first blog put all these in your dreams book or whatever you choose but in something you know you will keep and look back on, so when the negative thoughts creep back in, you can look at the positive images that you wrote about and remind yourself, you are beautiful and are special.

Creating a better image of yourself and thinking about what makes you happy, will help you to change the way you see yourself, and plan to get the life you want, and to look the way you want. You can feel good about yourself without making drastic changes, and if you want to make a change then you have the power to do so.

You just have to believe in yourself and go through what you do love at the moment about yourself and your life. Making a lifestyle change, learning to get in touch with your brain that sends you positive signals will help you to begin your journey into feeling good about yourself.

Please see ITV.com of the exercise The Speakmans did to help build self-esteem and I will be in my next blog writing about other tools, other changes and materials I have used to help feel good about myself.

I do not expect that the exercises and materials will work for everyone, however I know that they have helped me and can help others too.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie Challoner