When my son was born premature it really scared me and didn’t have any idea of what was going to happen next. I had no inkling that Henry was going to be born early and I shut down any thinking of the future, and I am a planner. The evening my waters broke I was going through my diary of how many weeks I had to go and that evening i went to hospital and then on the Monday of being in hospital from the Saturday, my son was born, and I never felt so frightened in my life and if my son was going to be okay.
I love taking pictures of London and good way of helping trauma that has helped me, is taking pictures and people I love.
Yes having a child is a miracle and I did want children but it was the shock, that made me shut down and for once was not worrying about what was going to happen tomorrow.
I cried a lot. Taking one day at a time I just concentrated on doing what I could to feed Henry my milk and readjusting, when I could visit my son in hospital I did and helped with feeding, having cuddles and changing him, and take it step by step.
For me that is the best way, and just taking it slow.
Life has a way of surprising us, so it is important to live each day at a time. Yes I am into goal setting, but I do set goals daily as they arise and try not to worry about tomorrow all of the time. My Keyworkers, when my mental health wasn’t good, both said to take each day at a time, and is about getting back to recovery state so enjoy the days with my son, and rebuilding relationships that were on the brink of falling apart and concentrate on my health and on my environment. Getting back to doing the things I love, like blog writing, going for walks and spending time with my son.
I hope these blogs help you and lets support one another.
A good cry can do wonders, yet many say it is a sign of weakness which I do not believe. If you have had trauma in your life it can take a long time to heal, and everyone bodies way of grieving is personal to them, and the words that get me is when someone says “Cheer up”, because it is more than having a bad day, it can be the hardest thing we’ve ever faced.
Trauma can happen at any time and really knock us off our feet, and so often a person needs space and given comfort and compassion, and support to help recover.
Find someone who will truly listen to you, without making judgement but will just take in what you are telling them and help you make sense of it. Also writing, this has always helped me and when my Dad was badly hurt and was in hospital for a while, it was spending time playing out with my friends, and was looked after by my grandparents and neighbours in the housing estate I used to live. I will always be grateful for that, because I remember feeling some confusing and tried to lower the trauma I was facing at that time, by playing out, it helped take my mind away with what was happening.
Allow yourself to feel and if you need a bit of space then let people around you know and have that time to just feel and think, and when my son was born, which was early, at 31 weeks, I couldn’t see him for the first week as I had a viral infection, and it broke my heart, so took time to rest to recover, as it was a traumatic birth and so got as much rest as I could get, but even sitting some where like near a pond or the sea, if possible, it can help with being peaceful and calming, and can do wonders in dealing with your feelings.
If you feel you need medical help then talk to the doctor and don’t get fogged off, they are there to help you and can put you in touch with the Mental Health teams in your area, I was supported by Surrey Mental Health team and then the Merton Mental health team. They have many thing that they can help you with. like, putting you in contact with a Career Specialist, that they put me in contact with when I was ready to work outside again , and with my finances and free courses, in the fields I have been interested in, and there is a Recovery College which do free courses, and will continue to help you as you recover.
So, I hope these blogs are helping you and if you’d like to be updated when I post a blog on this site then press the Subscribe button on the top left of this site.
This blog was inspired by yesterday when I took a trip to North Greenwich and was unplanned but was brilliant, and sometimes the unplanned days are the better times and travelled by train and then by UberBoat. This you can pay by debit card, Oyster or tickets, and stops at different stops like Tower Bridge, and visited some shops, had a a drink and there are some brilliant things for kids, like a Trampolining place.
Doing trips like this really can boost your happiness and wellbeing, and today I feel so pumped up, because doing something I currently love, and that is spending time in the visiting others parts of the city where I don’t always go, reminds me that there is more to London than the rush hour and traffic.
When you start exploring it can really help to open your eyes, because I have been to North Greenwich before, but there were parts I still hadn’t seen and going by boat made a massive difference and not gone an UberBoat before, I did go to Tower Bridge before by boat, but not sure if that was the same one, but it made a lovely change to catching the bus, and then on our way came back to London Waterloo had a bite to eat before we caught the train to return home.
As I write this I think of Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, and how she lived it up and hated the country side and I love the countryside too and going out of London, but I like to visit I love too and living in London there are so many places you can go, to still be with nature. Like one of my current loves is walking with my son, and we often walk along the Wandle river in Wimbledon where you can be around different birds, ducks and people walking their dogs or a families cycling.
I loved travelling on the River Thames, and seeing the Tower Of London, the Bridges and the O2, and seeing the tall buildings in Canary Wharf.
Are you a fan of the city or a the country? I’d love to read your thoughts and if you have ideas of other cities to visit. You can leave a comment below.
So thanks for the likes so far on my blogs, and my Autumn Reset will be coming and will post more details of this in the next few weeks.
This is something I journaled when away near the south coast of Britain in a caravan and is important to me because I do go back to the passed in my thoughts and of the future, but in order to plan for the future you have to live each day and be present, rather in a dream world all of the time.
So when I wrote this, it was to enjoy myself with my husband and son, and seeing friends and were friends who hadn’t met our son, and being present helped I feel, have a good weekend.
Write it out and I have just did a new page of my journal, to what I want to do right now and helping me to slow down and focus on one task at a time.
It helps me to prioritize, so I have laundry to sort out so going to, once written this blog, go and check to see if my clothes are dry and put another load on. I have an telephone appointment and so need to prepare for that and having breaks in between and not feel overloaded with stuff to do.
It helps manage the mind to prevent burn out, and not being stuck in one place all day, as this can effect concentration and our feelings along with our thoughts
Hello and welcome to a new blog. There has been times where I have felt I have let myself down, like when I had a chance to join the Fulham Ladies football team back in 1998, via my brother as he knew the Manager of the ladies soccer team, and I went twice and met a friend of mine from when I used to go to a dancing school, but getting myself there would take a lot and I would play images of not being good enough, not having natural skill and was way out of my comfort zone. I did play at Primary school and at Secondary, but because of hearing from one girl I played football with at school, said “Couldn’t even kick the ball” stopped playing at school. I feel that effected me when I should have ignored her and used it to show actually, I can kick a ball.
I felt bad, because my brother had gone to that effort and he bought me my own football boots, but I just couldn’t get myself there due to the movies I would play in head of feeling out numbered, and not being good enough.
This has helped me to make sure I take on opportunities as I did my Level 1 Football coaching qualification and did run a children’s football team for a while, and then I was going to do my level 2 coaching badge but once again my confidence got me and so decided not to continue.
Yet I did Manage a Football team The football team in that I was coaching was taken over my some of the boys dads, and was disappointed about that, and was going to suggest it, but when the Charmain of the club said that I can coach the next under 8’s team, and then coach a girls team they wanted to coach, I felt like, “What so because I am a woman I should be coaching women?” and left.
Anyway I found out I was pregnant and didn’t feel wise to continue, and so stopped and was good experience and did feel let down a little, because I was running the team by myself and should have had one of the parents to help manage the team, to help me. However I felt I did okay and would like to continue one day and do sports coaching again, and my aim was to coach a team from kids to teenage years, and further. This is still something I’d like to do, but it is a massive commitment and so see what the future holds.
When I worked in Contact Centre often felt like I let myself down by not getting good feedback on the telephones and I wasn’t rude, but found real tough when people would ring and complain and not knowing what to say and felt I could have done better. That’s life though we won’t always get it right but you have to get it wrong to make sure you get it right, whatever you do and life is about learning and growing.
Football teams for example like Manchester United were Champions of the Premiership, yet it took Alex Ferguson 4 years when he began managing the team that they started to win trophies and was put under enormous pressure and became unbeatable.
You know when you feel you have let yourself down, because you go through what if’s and play scenes of if I had taken up that opportunity where would I have been right now? Would I have gone on and become a professional Football coach by now? and really life is about choice and often we do choose the wrong path or it goes into a different direction, Again that is life.
Doesn’t mean that it won’t ever happen, and I didn’t always get it right being a football coach but they did win games and did improve their ability, and their skills, and did get messages from parents when I left thanking me, so it wasn’t all bad and I did enjoy it, just didn’t like how it ended.
I have written about this before Summer Project 2021/Build your expectations on your terms we all have expectations of ourselves and other people, because we fear disappointment. Yet it is good to have a level of expectation because it means we care about the things we have in our life.
Your expectations of ourselves can be tough, because we put so much on our shoulders that we can’t handle and leads us wanting to run rather than finishing tasks and get on with living our lives.
Lower the expectation, by taking your time and breathe and take in what is around you and keep planning your life and setting goals.
I would like to wish those who read my blogs in America a Happy 4th July and I bet you guys have a expectation for that, celebrating yearly events and special days. I have an expectation on my life coaching programme, because it is important that my audience, you guys, are getting something from them and writing my books, please check them out there are EBooks, about happiness and wellness, and have parenting books and fiction books.
You can find my books on amazon.co.uk under the names, Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes.
Having expectations sets us up but not to over do it. It also helps us to set boundaries and doing 1-5 tasks a day and set a time for each one. I love doing sprints when it comes to writing my books and at the moment I am editing my new book as my expectation is for it be better than my previous books and increase my skills and ambitions.
That is the good part of expectations and it is good to set challenges for yourself but ones that you know is going to help build your life but not stress and anxiety.
So set the bar each time to take action to complete goals but a height that you can reach and not make you give up.
Many thanks for liking my blogs so far, of my Summer Project 2023 and followed me it really means a lot and would suggest to do so if you want to be kept up to date with my blogs. I do write a newsletter each month, which I publish on this blog so check out June’s 2023: My Monthly Newsletter June 2023
Ok so you went for a job interview, got ready and put on some make up, did your hair and dressed smart and prepped for it, only to hear that once again you haven’t been unsuccessful. Often we can feel that we have wasted our time, but your not able to see who else applied for that job and what skills they had that you didn’t.
Often it could be that the company who you applied for, may have already had someone in mind and so you didn’t stand a chance anyway, even if you had worn your best suit or dress. I felt like that when I applied for a position to work with the email and chat team at a call centre I was working for. I had been there for a while and felt that it would be a perfect fit, but no someone else got it, who had been there less, and I felt a bit like, “Thanks for being loyal” being that I had been there four years and not had a day off sick, never been late and did a good job because they’d tell me, and so would the customers I would help. I was doing technical support.
Also I was the first person to work on the chat system they created, and I changed departments because I was finding it hard doing technical support for certain products that I didn’t understand and wanted a change, and so it was agreed that I could change, but then the deal was that I would work on the chat system which they wanted to test for a new product and see how effective it was, and whilst on chat would do emails to help out the email team, and it wasn’t just me others had joined me and it would be rotated so others worked on the chat system, did emails, whilst I help customers on the phones. I then was called into the office on one shift and offered the chance to move to the email team, along with working on the online chat service, and so, never give up. Just because you didn’t get the job this time, round doesn’t mean you won’t, you just have to keep trying and show them what you are capable of and worked my hard and was eventually awarded by the job I was doing.
Determination for me is everything and I have had a lot of knock backs, and I did when I was looking for work to work at a Holiday camp. I gave myself two years and it was the second year I was successful. Often people want to see how keen you are, and you see singers on the voice, who have already had record deals, and had to start their career from scratch again. Like Wendy Moten, who won the Voice on the USA version and was shocked because she did do some brilliant records, her famous one “Coming out of the rain”, and so knocks backs are okay, and learn from them to help continue building the life you want, and the job you want.
When it comes to relationships. I have been dumped by boyfriends, not having that many, and yes at first I’d be upset but then soon got over it, and if they aren’t meant to be so be it, but never fear, I did get married and had a son so now looking back, glad I was dumped because I would never have met my husband or had my son.
Life is full of hurdles Obstacles (jumping hurdles) and never should stop you for following your dreams and achieving your goals. I am never gong to allow anyone stop me from living my life and the same should be for you. You deserve a life full fun and happiness. So allow the knock backs in your life to help you not destroy you.
So yesterday was a day where some people were just being rude and reckless. First of all I let some guy pass me with his dog and got no thank you or acknowledgement, then a car pulled up close to the bus on the way home making the bus do a sudden stop, and then getting on the other bus I have to get on to go home, this person who got of the other bus aswell and get on the other decided to jump in front of me. This really annoyed me in that it did effect my mood. I made it clear to this guy that I wasn’t happy with what he had done and think of all the bad things I could do to make my case to him even more, but then thought to myself, “What would that achieve?”
There are always going to be people who will test you, and like that guy getting on the bus, he won’t change, there will always be those who push in, and I found now that I get a bit like that too and push in front, but then I will rein myself in and wait. At the end of the day never allow others people’s actions rub off on you as it reminds me that I will give up my seat whenever other people won’t and will acknowledge other people who have waited for the bus before me. I am not a saint but I do believe that if you do good for people you will get rewarded and it just makes the world a better place to live.
When it comes to being a good citizen is to not to allow others bad habits rub off on you and show especially when you have kids how to behave even when someone has been unkind and what is the right thing. I have over reacted on some occasions, for example when I thought I had left Henry’s water bottle at his swimming class had to go back and a women had a go at me for having the door open to the outside and so I said “Have you never forgotten anything?” and called her a horrible person and then started to get super angry.
This effected me in thinking will I ever reach my dreams because of that incident, but actually makes me more determined and if she wants to be unkind then let her be and the best thing is to learn about what not to do and how to be if someone I see has forgotten something and would help them find it, rather than be rude because they have the door open for a second.
I will keep being good to others and not allow people who are unkind effect my habits towards others it just leads down the wrong road and can escalate to not wanting to go out and having a good day Working in a call centre was tough as you did get people calling you names on the phone and be rude from the moment you have picked up the call, and so you had to hold yourself together and not to take it personally. Yet I would go home feeling my blood boiling and take my mood out on my husband and it would effect his mood and this became a habit, and made me feel that my life isn’t going anywhere, when that wasn’t true It was actually motivating me to be stronger and learn how to help people that aren’t so nice. This would make me feel also “Stop being nice” but then would ask “What would that Achieve?” I like being kind to others, and not all calls were bad some just needed help and would be happy, so it wasn’t that bad and helped me be better socially and would respect those when I called a call centre be kinda and politer, and not allow others bad habits of behaviour affect me in chasing my dreams and move on in my life.
So don’t allow other people’s actions cause you to think there is no other life out there, but use these challenges to help you to conquer your dreams even more.
So if you have dreams and ambitions then it is time to take action, but yourself belief has to be good because what you project you will receive back and so what is causing you to not believe in yourself? What is your self belief saying to you?
Keeping a journal and writing notes on how you feel about yourself can help and where did these feelings stem from?
I have never been seen as clever or artistic, and school played a huge part in it. I remember when I did a school play a lot of the pupils at the school said how pretty I looked with make up on and so thought “Oh so I am not pretty without make up?” and it did make me feel sad, and then I was told by another girl when I was at secondary school that I am basically boring, because of keeping on about The Bill which was one of my favourite programmes on TV, but then she became a fan, and I didn’t resentful of shout, and respected her honesty and so I did stop, and it never became a slagging match but she would cause arguments so not sure of her true intentions but looking back I could be annoying and I could have been defensive but I wasn’t. I was not cool about it after school but now when thinking about it feel differently and I took it on board of what she was saying, and yes I could get on people’s nerves and it takes a lot to speak up and say it, so I stopped and didn’t see it as a personal attack, which could have happened but that she was being true and we still remained friends and still hung out, so I respected her for talking with me and talked it through rather then it lead to a disagreement.
Dwelling has played a huge part, and I think about what I could have done, when thinking about those events at school mentioned above, and thought perhaps I should have punched her on the nose but what good would that had done? I would have gotten detention and suspended so it wouldn’t have been worth it to lash out, instead I took it on the chin, and we carried on being friends as said, and she wasn’t saying she hated me and that we should stop being friends but was calm and I understood.
If they are being rude to you and just being spiteful, then rise above it and it tends to not be about you, but about them. Noone is your dictator but yourself and this doesn’t mean being ignorant and not listening to others but if they are vicious to you because in fact it can be their own insecurity that is talking and not actually you, is to say something like “Okay I heard you and thank you for your honesty and how you feel and will take your comments on board and will stop doing, I am sorry it annoyed you”.
In order to build our belief with our self we need to listen to others and when they compliment you never throw it back into their face, and use it to build your mindset of seeing that you are an amazing person with a good heart and mind, and good that people look up to you, because people do, and when someone wanted to join me when I began to do running or walking for charity, it really made me feel amazing and rewarding.
I have accomplished a lot in my life now at the age of 44 and there is still more I want to achieve, but I have had to do some work on my mental health and self belief. I have had to stop being afraid and take risks and learned from my mistakes and get rid of scars and keep moving forward.
I never thought I would run a half marathon but I have and it was tough and I was done by the 5th mile but I kept on going and struggled to walk the next day but still did it and felt so amazing and surprised in what my body can do. I carried a child in my tummy, I inspired others in doing my runs and walks to fundraise as said, and made a difference in peoples lives.
When I see ticks on my lists is an accomplishment and another step for me to grow and learn and continue to build my knowledge and understanding of life and where I want to go, and where I want them to lead to..I want to get back into doing charity walks and runs, and so I try to do some walking each day and when my son goes out on his scooter will run. I want to finish my next book, so been doing a bit of writing each day, and I want to help my son with his learning so will make it a must on a Sunday for him to do his homework and do some extra learning when at home, by playing different games and want to set a good example for my son, as he has helped me to grow and get to grips with my life, and self belief.
Sometimes we have to learn to lead others and felt I did that when it came to doing dancing, which I did until I was 16 and looking for work when I left school and then like I say go into to running and walking to raise money for charity. I did football coaching which was a dream I had and enjoyed it and would like to do that again as it was rewarding and then worked at a holiday camp which is something I wanted to do as a kid and I feel proud in myself in that I did that and as said there is still so much I want to do and to do that I have to have self belief, and so do you.
So lets build up our lives to help build others lives too and believe in conquering your dreams.
When it comes to our growth we find that often our actions were unreasonable and it is too late to heal them, and say sorry.Yet it is never too late. If you have had a mental illness it can affect how we are with other people, but shouldn’t be an excuse to be unkind, It can be because we feel that we are being misunderstood and want people to resonate with how we are feeling and that our love ones can read our minds.
A lot of it is fear, like I get worried when I am on a bus and someone sits next to me. I know I have paid for one seat but instantly my mind will go through the image of what if this person won’t let me pass to get off the bus, and I think this is from when I would travel from Wimbledon to Kingston the person next to me made me wait until he was ready to get up and because he was getting off too, and need to not allow that experience to be in fear of others but use it to learn and if I know my stop is next I will say excuse me and if they are getting off the same stop it has been fine.
With psychosis you can get paranoid and think that everyone is against you, when that is not the case, a lot of the time and when once at work I thought my team manager had said something rude about me and it upset me, I spoke to her after thinking about in tears and it was fine, I miss heard. The one thing is to not be confrontational and just talk not throwing accusations and “You said this and you said that”, but how there actions have made you feel and how you and them can rebuild the relationship to heal the wounds of there and our actions.
When we are stressed we can project our feelings towards those that are close to us and find it hard when we aren’t happy to see someone happy when we aren’t and you can get competitive over who’s life is the worst and feel like we are hitting a brick wall, and if it is something we don’t want to hear when often we need to hear it, it can make us even more resentful.
It used to eat away with me when I felt like this and feel insignificant, but it is not their fault and the question I ask now is whenever these feelings are being triggered, “Do I want people to be unhappy?” and “Do we want them to feel that way about me?”and would reply of course not. I want the best for other people and helps us to see how we can be as happy as they are. We are in charge of our own happiness and the feelings we project and to build a relationship with ourselves is to admit we are wrong and instead of waiting to see if someone is nice to you, be the first one to make the move and if I see someone wearing a nice piece of clothing or their style, even strangers I will say and I like complimenting others, not for someone to like me back, but just saying it but have meaning and so I have had to amend my ways and it is taken a lot but it’s as if I have woken up and realised I have nothing to be resentful for or angry about, and be thankful of what I have.
I have been there and said the wrong thing, and it is not really what I did but how I have come across and see it from their perspective and learned, and thought “How could I have reacted that would have been better” and be more aware of my actions and feel towards someone.
I have created a video on my main youtube channel of what I will be talking about within this years programme and so click here to watch, if you would like: https://youtu.be/mbAJQtjpZ68
Everyone can build a castle 