I have written about this before Summer Project 2021/Build your expectations on your terms we all have expectations of ourselves and other people, because we fear disappointment. Yet it is good to have a level of expectation because it means we care about the things we have in our life.
Your expectations of ourselves can be tough, because we put so much on our shoulders that we can’t handle and leads us wanting to run rather than finishing tasks and get on with living our lives.
Lower the expectation, by taking your time and breathe and take in what is around you and keep planning your life and setting goals.
I would like to wish those who read my blogs in America a Happy 4th July and I bet you guys have a expectation for that, celebrating yearly events and special days. I have an expectation on my life coaching programme, because it is important that my audience, you guys, are getting something from them and writing my books, please check them out there are EBooks, about happiness and wellness, and have parenting books and fiction books.
You can find my books on amazon.co.uk under the names, Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes.
Having expectations sets us up but not to over do it. It also helps us to set boundaries and doing 1-5 tasks a day and set a time for each one. I love doing sprints when it comes to writing my books and at the moment I am editing my new book as my expectation is for it be better than my previous books and increase my skills and ambitions.
That is the good part of expectations and it is good to set challenges for yourself but ones that you know is going to help build your life but not stress and anxiety.
So set the bar each time to take action to complete goals but a height that you can reach and not make you give up.
Many thanks for liking my blogs so far, of my Summer Project 2023 and followed me it really means a lot and would suggest to do so if you want to be kept up to date with my blogs. I do write a newsletter each month, which I publish on this blog so check out June’s 2023: My Monthly Newsletter June 2023
Ok so you went for a job interview, got ready and put on some make up, did your hair and dressed smart and prepped for it, only to hear that once again you haven’t been unsuccessful. Often we can feel that we have wasted our time, but your not able to see who else applied for that job and what skills they had that you didn’t.
Often it could be that the company who you applied for, may have already had someone in mind and so you didn’t stand a chance anyway, even if you had worn your best suit or dress. I felt like that when I applied for a position to work with the email and chat team at a call centre I was working for. I had been there for a while and felt that it would be a perfect fit, but no someone else got it, who had been there less, and I felt a bit like, “Thanks for being loyal” being that I had been there four years and not had a day off sick, never been late and did a good job because they’d tell me, and so would the customers I would help. I was doing technical support.
Also I was the first person to work on the chat system they created, and I changed departments because I was finding it hard doing technical support for certain products that I didn’t understand and wanted a change, and so it was agreed that I could change, but then the deal was that I would work on the chat system which they wanted to test for a new product and see how effective it was, and whilst on chat would do emails to help out the email team, and it wasn’t just me others had joined me and it would be rotated so others worked on the chat system, did emails, whilst I help customers on the phones. I then was called into the office on one shift and offered the chance to move to the email team, along with working on the online chat service, and so, never give up. Just because you didn’t get the job this time, round doesn’t mean you won’t, you just have to keep trying and show them what you are capable of and worked my hard and was eventually awarded by the job I was doing.
Determination for me is everything and I have had a lot of knock backs, and I did when I was looking for work to work at a Holiday camp. I gave myself two years and it was the second year I was successful. Often people want to see how keen you are, and you see singers on the voice, who have already had record deals, and had to start their career from scratch again. Like Wendy Moten, who won the Voice on the USA version and was shocked because she did do some brilliant records, her famous one “Coming out of the rain”, and so knocks backs are okay, and learn from them to help continue building the life you want, and the job you want.
When it comes to relationships. I have been dumped by boyfriends, not having that many, and yes at first I’d be upset but then soon got over it, and if they aren’t meant to be so be it, but never fear, I did get married and had a son so now looking back, glad I was dumped because I would never have met my husband or had my son.
Life is full of hurdles Obstacles (jumping hurdles) and never should stop you for following your dreams and achieving your goals. I am never gong to allow anyone stop me from living my life and the same should be for you. You deserve a life full fun and happiness. So allow the knock backs in your life to help you not destroy you.
So yesterday was a day where some people were just being rude and reckless. First of all I let some guy pass me with his dog and got no thank you or acknowledgement, then a car pulled up close to the bus on the way home making the bus do a sudden stop, and then getting on the other bus I have to get on to go home, this person who got of the other bus aswell and get on the other decided to jump in front of me. This really annoyed me in that it did effect my mood. I made it clear to this guy that I wasn’t happy with what he had done and think of all the bad things I could do to make my case to him even more, but then thought to myself, “What would that achieve?”
There are always going to be people who will test you, and like that guy getting on the bus, he won’t change, there will always be those who push in, and I found now that I get a bit like that too and push in front, but then I will rein myself in and wait. At the end of the day never allow others people’s actions rub off on you as it reminds me that I will give up my seat whenever other people won’t and will acknowledge other people who have waited for the bus before me. I am not a saint but I do believe that if you do good for people you will get rewarded and it just makes the world a better place to live.
When it comes to being a good citizen is to not to allow others bad habits rub off on you and show especially when you have kids how to behave even when someone has been unkind and what is the right thing. I have over reacted on some occasions, for example when I thought I had left Henry’s water bottle at his swimming class had to go back and a women had a go at me for having the door open to the outside and so I said “Have you never forgotten anything?” and called her a horrible person and then started to get super angry.
This effected me in thinking will I ever reach my dreams because of that incident, but actually makes me more determined and if she wants to be unkind then let her be and the best thing is to learn about what not to do and how to be if someone I see has forgotten something and would help them find it, rather than be rude because they have the door open for a second.
I will keep being good to others and not allow people who are unkind effect my habits towards others it just leads down the wrong road and can escalate to not wanting to go out and having a good day Working in a call centre was tough as you did get people calling you names on the phone and be rude from the moment you have picked up the call, and so you had to hold yourself together and not to take it personally. Yet I would go home feeling my blood boiling and take my mood out on my husband and it would effect his mood and this became a habit, and made me feel that my life isn’t going anywhere, when that wasn’t true It was actually motivating me to be stronger and learn how to help people that aren’t so nice. This would make me feel also “Stop being nice” but then would ask “What would that Achieve?” I like being kind to others, and not all calls were bad some just needed help and would be happy, so it wasn’t that bad and helped me be better socially and would respect those when I called a call centre be kinda and politer, and not allow others bad habits of behaviour affect me in chasing my dreams and move on in my life.
So don’t allow other people’s actions cause you to think there is no other life out there, but use these challenges to help you to conquer your dreams even more.
So if you have dreams and ambitions then it is time to take action, but yourself belief has to be good because what you project you will receive back and so what is causing you to not believe in yourself? What is your self belief saying to you?
Keeping a journal and writing notes on how you feel about yourself can help and where did these feelings stem from?
I have never been seen as clever or artistic, and school played a huge part in it. I remember when I did a school play a lot of the pupils at the school said how pretty I looked with make up on and so thought “Oh so I am not pretty without make up?” and it did make me feel sad, and then I was told by another girl when I was at secondary school that I am basically boring, because of keeping on about The Bill which was one of my favourite programmes on TV, but then she became a fan, and I didn’t resentful of shout, and respected her honesty and so I did stop, and it never became a slagging match but she would cause arguments so not sure of her true intentions but looking back I could be annoying and I could have been defensive but I wasn’t. I was not cool about it after school but now when thinking about it feel differently and I took it on board of what she was saying, and yes I could get on people’s nerves and it takes a lot to speak up and say it, so I stopped and didn’t see it as a personal attack, which could have happened but that she was being true and we still remained friends and still hung out, so I respected her for talking with me and talked it through rather then it lead to a disagreement.
Dwelling has played a huge part, and I think about what I could have done, when thinking about those events at school mentioned above, and thought perhaps I should have punched her on the nose but what good would that had done? I would have gotten detention and suspended so it wouldn’t have been worth it to lash out, instead I took it on the chin, and we carried on being friends as said, and she wasn’t saying she hated me and that we should stop being friends but was calm and I understood.
If they are being rude to you and just being spiteful, then rise above it and it tends to not be about you, but about them. Noone is your dictator but yourself and this doesn’t mean being ignorant and not listening to others but if they are vicious to you because in fact it can be their own insecurity that is talking and not actually you, is to say something like “Okay I heard you and thank you for your honesty and how you feel and will take your comments on board and will stop doing, I am sorry it annoyed you”.
In order to build our belief with our self we need to listen to others and when they compliment you never throw it back into their face, and use it to build your mindset of seeing that you are an amazing person with a good heart and mind, and good that people look up to you, because people do, and when someone wanted to join me when I began to do running or walking for charity, it really made me feel amazing and rewarding.
I have accomplished a lot in my life now at the age of 44 and there is still more I want to achieve, but I have had to do some work on my mental health and self belief. I have had to stop being afraid and take risks and learned from my mistakes and get rid of scars and keep moving forward.
I never thought I would run a half marathon but I have and it was tough and I was done by the 5th mile but I kept on going and struggled to walk the next day but still did it and felt so amazing and surprised in what my body can do. I carried a child in my tummy, I inspired others in doing my runs and walks to fundraise as said, and made a difference in peoples lives.
When I see ticks on my lists is an accomplishment and another step for me to grow and learn and continue to build my knowledge and understanding of life and where I want to go, and where I want them to lead to..I want to get back into doing charity walks and runs, and so I try to do some walking each day and when my son goes out on his scooter will run. I want to finish my next book, so been doing a bit of writing each day, and I want to help my son with his learning so will make it a must on a Sunday for him to do his homework and do some extra learning when at home, by playing different games and want to set a good example for my son, as he has helped me to grow and get to grips with my life, and self belief.
Sometimes we have to learn to lead others and felt I did that when it came to doing dancing, which I did until I was 16 and looking for work when I left school and then like I say go into to running and walking to raise money for charity. I did football coaching which was a dream I had and enjoyed it and would like to do that again as it was rewarding and then worked at a holiday camp which is something I wanted to do as a kid and I feel proud in myself in that I did that and as said there is still so much I want to do and to do that I have to have self belief, and so do you.
So lets build up our lives to help build others lives too and believe in conquering your dreams.
When it comes to our growth we find that often our actions were unreasonable and it is too late to heal them, and say sorry.Yet it is never too late. If you have had a mental illness it can affect how we are with other people, but shouldn’t be an excuse to be unkind, It can be because we feel that we are being misunderstood and want people to resonate with how we are feeling and that our love ones can read our minds.
A lot of it is fear, like I get worried when I am on a bus and someone sits next to me. I know I have paid for one seat but instantly my mind will go through the image of what if this person won’t let me pass to get off the bus, and I think this is from when I would travel from Wimbledon to Kingston the person next to me made me wait until he was ready to get up and because he was getting off too, and need to not allow that experience to be in fear of others but use it to learn and if I know my stop is next I will say excuse me and if they are getting off the same stop it has been fine.
With psychosis you can get paranoid and think that everyone is against you, when that is not the case, a lot of the time and when once at work I thought my team manager had said something rude about me and it upset me, I spoke to her after thinking about in tears and it was fine, I miss heard. The one thing is to not be confrontational and just talk not throwing accusations and “You said this and you said that”, but how there actions have made you feel and how you and them can rebuild the relationship to heal the wounds of there and our actions.
When we are stressed we can project our feelings towards those that are close to us and find it hard when we aren’t happy to see someone happy when we aren’t and you can get competitive over who’s life is the worst and feel like we are hitting a brick wall, and if it is something we don’t want to hear when often we need to hear it, it can make us even more resentful.
It used to eat away with me when I felt like this and feel insignificant, but it is not their fault and the question I ask now is whenever these feelings are being triggered, “Do I want people to be unhappy?” and “Do we want them to feel that way about me?”and would reply of course not. I want the best for other people and helps us to see how we can be as happy as they are. We are in charge of our own happiness and the feelings we project and to build a relationship with ourselves is to admit we are wrong and instead of waiting to see if someone is nice to you, be the first one to make the move and if I see someone wearing a nice piece of clothing or their style, even strangers I will say and I like complimenting others, not for someone to like me back, but just saying it but have meaning and so I have had to amend my ways and it is taken a lot but it’s as if I have woken up and realised I have nothing to be resentful for or angry about, and be thankful of what I have.
I have been there and said the wrong thing, and it is not really what I did but how I have come across and see it from their perspective and learned, and thought “How could I have reacted that would have been better” and be more aware of my actions and feel towards someone.
I have created a video on my main youtube channel of what I will be talking about within this years programme and so click here to watch, if you would like: https://youtu.be/mbAJQtjpZ68
As humans we are always growing and as we go through life with each age and milestones our view on life and the world can change. I now see that life is to be worshipped and enjoyed rather than dreaded and resented because someone is doing better than you and wishing our life away. Worrying we aren’t meeting other peoples expectations of us and that life is hard all the time.
As a kid I couldn’t wait to be an adult as it meant that I can do my own thing and make my own choices but you can do that as a child too. As a kid it was seen by many that Children don’t know their own minds but yes they do, and I think we underestimate our children and what they are capable of, and my son is so technically savvy that he could control a cashier desk without needing to be shown, because he just naturally savvy when it comes to electronics and so I have to watch him to be able to be technically savvy myself. When we play he will tell me where to stand and give me direction and correct me if I say something wrong, like if I say pants when he is wearing shorts, will say “No they are’t pants they are shorts, don’t do it again”.
I see that with kids they take tiny steps, like they will tempt to roll over several times before they can do it and then will begin to pull themselves up on all fours and then try and crawl. Some kids can go from being on fours to walking skipping the crawling but it will as they develop take time and we should never rush them but give space for our kids to grow to help us grow too. I think as adults we feel pressure to do so many things at once and then wonder why we have no energy and depriving ourselves from luxury as our family grows. Never neglect your own wellbeing and growth, so we can be good role model to others, like our kids and ask for help if you are finding things a struggle. Often we feel like, there is nothing to worry about, but it is if you can’t face the days ahead and you begin to have a break down.
Allow some time to relax and give yourself some space. Take on other peoples help, like other mums who have experience and meet or facetime and get tips and advice. I write a parenting blog if you’d like to check it out: https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.com
So I am now all about taking my time. I have to take little breaks and find it hard to concentrate if I don’t. It is all about taking your time and breaking your to do’s down and allocate days to get things done and if things are getting too much then to keep growing, rein yourself in, reflect and then make changes as you continue to grow.
It is good to have a good foundation around you that can help you grow but you have to do it for yourself too. You are on this planet for a reason so spend time to find out what it is. Look at what areas are you happy with in your life and what you are not happy with and take action to change so they become something you do like.
I don’t like tidying so I will do as the first thing when I get up, this helps to kick the day off and I make sure that the things I need daily are easily accessible and use waiting time, Example:I will when waiting for a bus or train to go through my emails rather than avoid them and is an area I have to change, so made it my goal to check my emails everyday and unsubscribe if there are ones from companies that no longer serve any purpose to me, and help reduce my emails, so they are manageable and I stop me from feeling overwhelmed.
My son is never overwhelmed and wants to be doing something in the days otherwise he start to muck about and he helps keep me fit and active by playing sports or when he is watching his tablet will push me away and want to be in his on space and I respect that.
I have learned a lot about how my actions are when it comes to my son and if he asks me to put my phone down I will as being a mum I love that he wants my full attention, and I have wised up.
I hope you like this blog and if you’d like to be kept up to date with my blogs on this site you can by following me, and your feedback means a lot.
Hi its that time of the month for my Monthly Newsletter which has details of what I have been doing and what is to come within my content. I talk about monthly challenge for February and about setting goals, targets and habits. See it below which you can download.
Hello, here is my new Newsletter for June 2022, it talks about the Platinum Jubilee and what is to come now we are in Summer and is free to view and about my Life Coaching programme “Summer Project 2022”.
I hope you are enjoying these newsletters and if you’d like to give feedback, then please do, and if you want to know when a new blog goes up on this site, then remember to follow and you will receive updates as I continue to write new content and publish them.
Many thanks for those following me and liking my blogs, it really means the world to me.
It Sunday evening and I am in my bedroom and aswell as listening to a chat of Fearn Cotton and Sara Fox, and I have been challenging myself this month to sort out one area a day in my life, including my blogs and social media sites, and tomorrow I want to do each Monday a Reset, and do my laundry, Vacuum and change my bedding and have a really good morning reset to begin the week.
Yet as soon as I think of it the energy in doing these tasks, puts me off. I know I will be like, “I’ll do it once I have had my first cup of tea”, “Oh let me just watch this Youtube video and I’ll get it done”, are you the same? Comment below.
I also need to call the doctors because I have a swollen eye due to Hayfever, and has been really sore, and only just remembered that, as I write this blog post. I know I can do a reset, but especially in the morning I am going to have to really push myself to get out of the bed to do anything. Yet last week before I had my first cuppa and breakfast did a sort out of my clothes. Seeing the result made it worth it. I know I am going to be nervous about calling the doctors, because it is so hard to get an appointment and means putting other stuff off, and I don’t like bothering my doctor. Its the mindset of “It’s only a swollen eye I am sure it will go”, but who knows.
I am guilty of putting things off, example I bought Henry, my son a new pair of shorts from Sainsbury’s but they are too small and so have to take them back, but I haven’t. However I have decided to keep them and donate them, and will get my son another pair. I have learned that if I don’t take them back they will still be good for someone else to wear and done my bit for charity. So I don’t feel that bad about them not being returned.
“You’ll find ways to get it done and still see results”
I am a one bit at a time person and hate rushing. I have to stop myself from jumping in with both feet, because I get overwhelmed. It means slowing down, but a moderate pace.
Do you do reset each week or perhaps everyday? Where to you begin?
For me it has to be in eye view, and of course I am not going to vacuum as soon as I wake up, which is usually around about 5am, as I know it wouldn’t be appreciated. So it will have to be a sociable hour around 8am, or is that too early? Anyway I will get up and start once I know I am not going to disturb anyone else and get it done.
Well where do I begin. Yes what to do When you mess up?
I have messed up a lot, like when I was working for a Marketing company, my first full-time job and was an Office Junior, sent a load of books which had peoples names on them, didn’t see them and sent them to the wrong person. My heart sunk and then I was helping with Printing out sheets for a project and printed a load of them to the point the documents all over the place.
We all can mess up, and get things wrong but it is how to deal with it that will help you so continue to grow in your life, and remember “We are all human” we will get it wrong.
The powerful thing you can do is to admit it not run away.
The feelings you get when you mess up is gut wrenching and like “How do I deal with this and turn it around so I prevent it from happening again?” and make it right. For me it is “Can this be fixed?”
Yes it can. I analyse a lot and it drives me mad, as I have done some stupid things and yet I still kept a roof over my head and I have achieved things in my life. I would call myself a lot a nightmare, but really its reality. I find it hard to deal with.
I have questioned my life and why I keep messing up?
I think because I don’t often feel worthy and imposter syndrome and that there things I do still like to have in my life and scared of “What if I never get the chance?”.
Yet this is someone who has achieved a lot and even writing that, I hear the voice saying “Really, your not supposed to feel like that and that is being big headed”.
Do you ever feel this way?
It’s the voice of doubt and the one that can stop me in my tracks sometimes, but I have a way to deal with the inner critic, and is “Hear it, talk to it and push it away”.
We have all made a mess in our lives, and that it can be rectified. It’s believing in yourself and not be so harsh on yourself.
It can become draining, and so putting the gut wrenching feeling when you mess up, is to say “Ok I didn’t get it right this time, but I will and this is going to make me stronger” and it has.
Everyone can build a castle 