When it comes to our growth we find that often our actions were unreasonable and it is too late to heal them, and say sorry.Yet it is never too late. If you have had a mental illness it can affect how we are with other people, but shouldn’t be an excuse to be unkind, It can be because we feel that we are being misunderstood and want people to resonate with how we are feeling and that our love ones can read our minds.

A lot of it is fear, like I get worried when I am on a bus and someone sits next to me. I know I have paid for one seat but instantly my mind will go through the image of what if this person won’t let me pass to get off the bus, and I think this is from when I would travel from Wimbledon to Kingston the person next to me made me wait until he was ready to get up and because he was getting off too, and need to not allow that experience to be in fear of others but use it to learn and if I know my stop is next I will say excuse me and if they are getting off the same stop it has been fine.

With psychosis you can get paranoid and think that everyone is against you, when that is not the case, a lot of the time and when once at work I thought my team manager had said something rude about me and it upset me, I spoke to her after thinking about in tears and it was fine, I miss heard. The one thing is to not be confrontational and just talk not throwing accusations and “You said this and you said that”, but how there actions have made you feel and how you and them can rebuild the relationship to heal the wounds of there and our actions.

When we are stressed we can project our feelings towards those that are close to us and find it hard when we aren’t happy to see someone happy when we aren’t and you can get competitive over who’s life is the worst and feel like we are hitting a brick wall, and if it is something we don’t want to hear when often we need to hear it, it can make us even more resentful.

It used to eat away with me when I felt like this and feel insignificant, but it is not their fault and the question I ask now is whenever these feelings are being triggered, “Do I want people to be unhappy?” and “Do we want them to feel that way about me?”and would reply of course not. I want the best for other people and helps us to see how we can be as happy as they are. We are in charge of our own happiness and the feelings we project and to build a relationship with ourselves is to admit we are wrong and instead of waiting to see if someone is nice to you, be the first one to make the move and if I see someone wearing a nice piece of clothing or their style, even strangers I will say and I like complimenting others, not for someone to like me back, but just saying it but have meaning and so I have had to amend my ways and it is taken a lot but it’s as if I have woken up and realised I have nothing to be resentful for or angry about, and be thankful of what I have.

I have been there and said the wrong thing, and it is not really what I did but how I have come across and see it from their perspective and learned, and thought “How could I have reacted that would have been better” and be more aware of my actions and feel towards someone.

I have created a video on my main youtube channel of what I will be talking about within this years programme and so click here to watch, if you would like: https://youtu.be/mbAJQtjpZ68

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X