Tag Archives: everyonecanbuildacastle

Feeling like you don’t belong

26 Friday Oct 2018

Posted by in Everyday living, Personal Development

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As a child I often felt like I was odd, unlike my friends and other children I’d come to meet, and it was hard as a child feeling this way. I dreamed about being someone else, not me.

I remember being envious of a certain girl at school called Sherie and she was really pretty and popular, all the girls wanted to hang around her including the boys aswell, and I dreamed of being her, just for one day so I could feel what it was like to feel belonged.

She didn’t have it easy, but when she cried it was a nice cry and gentle, and when she smiled she used to light the room, and so wished that could be me.

Even though she cried a lot because she missed her mum, she instantly found friendship and people wanting to be around her.

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It was only when I started playing football at school I started towards the end of Primary school, I felt like I was accepted, but I still felt like I didn’t belong there and never kept in touch with those friends, once I started secondary school.

I kind of felt I needed to leave that part of life behind me, and start a fresh.

Those feelings of not belonging can be isolating and lonely. When I stopped playing out a lot, I more or less had to start building the relationships I had built up, all over again.

I hid away because I was sick of being picked on, and I was being bullied by the girl who lived the flat right opposite me. She even used my friends to get at me too, and it was hard, I wanted to stay in my shell and not come out again.

Feeling like you don’t belong has its advantages, and I like having my personal space, but I also like to feel part of something. When I took up dancing it took a while, but became part of a group there and for the first time felt some confidence, and I remember I couldn’t wait till Saturday for my dancing school to start again.

Then at Secondary school, after the first year, did have my own group of friends I would hang out with everyday and finally I was part of a group at school. I still found it a struggle at school, but having close friends to support me, did help me and they helped me come out of my shell.

Don’t get me wrong we had fall outs, but didn’t last for long, and I am still friends with those girls now.

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Even now since my son started school, I see all the mums already in there groups talking whilst I wait there to go in. The worse for me to do, is to but into their conversation so I stand back.

The one reason why I blog because I like being part of a community, and embracing the new online world, and I feel like I belong.

When I started going to rugby I felt like I could finally let my hair down, and I had discovered a new sense of freedom that I never had before, and whole new world had opened up for me. That was thanks to one of my friends I had made at secondary school, whom I am still friends with today.

The Rugby years were great and even though at times I felt like the odd one out still because of my own insecurities I did feel like I was part of something truly special. It’s like the theme tune from the American Sitcom Cheers,”Where everybody knows your name”, and that is very important to me.

It is good to feel like you belong as you finally feel like you have found your purpose in life and meeting different kind of people, you learn from others and I try think back to those times to remind myself that I have been part of something and other peoples journey.

It is about coming out of your comfort zone and trying something new. When I started doing fundraising events, found another type of community, one where even though these people didn’t know me from Adam, gave me support as they passed me by anyway, and it really gives you a real boost, and a sense of “I can do this and here I am”.

Belonging is about being accepted for who you are and for what you know you can become.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

New self confidence video/having good and bad days.

24 Wednesday Oct 2018

Posted by in Everyday living, Personal Development, Youtube videos

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Here is a new video talking about self confidence and what it can be like having good and bad days.

When we lack self confidence we can often feel we having endless bad days more than good and feel like it is the end of the world.

In this video I talk about how you can address those feelings. I hope you enjoy my video and please let me know by filling in the feedback form on my site of what topics you would like me to talk about.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Change your mind change yourself

18 Thursday Oct 2018

Posted by in Everyday living, Inspiration board, Personal Development, Youtube videos

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Check out this video my Mel Robbins, talking about changing your mind changing yourself.

It really is an inspiring video. She talks about how to organize your day and how to control the mind, so you don’t feel like you have no control.

If you know of some good videos to watch, which talks about the mind I would love to hear from you.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Creating New habits

10 Wednesday Oct 2018

Posted by in Everyday living, Personal Development, Youtube videos

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I was inspired to write this blog since coming across Tracy Hensel video “Today’s habits determines tomorrow results.

I’ve recently had to control my eating habits, as I have been diagnosed with having Type 2 diabetes. I know creating new eating habits will make me feel better about my self in the long run and feel more healthy.

Check out Tracy Hensel video below:

I made a video some time ago which I found on camera which I did post about making life changes, and creating new habits will help continue those life changes.

Just creating simple habits can help, like reduce the amount of coffee you drink or opt for decaf instead, which is one thing I have done, going on a long brisk walk once a week, or start a gratitude journal, having a huge clean up once a week.

It doesn’t have to be rocket science, it just has to be something that you feel needs to change, to help you feel better about yourself.

I have struggled with having low self confidence, having constant anxiety, and feeling continuously anxious all through my life. Making life changes can really help control those feelings, by making small gradual changes.

So want to make some changes to your lifestyle? Then why not start now, it is never too late.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

Creating a foundation and following the unplanned

03 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Boundaries, Personal Development

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The one thing I have learned from being a child, a teenager and an adult, is that the more of a foundation you create, the more you will be able to handle rejection, criticism and general negativity in your life.

You will never stop anyone from feeling negative towards you, there will always be people who will see things differently to you, but it doesn’t really mean they are wrong or you are, and there will always be, no matter what, people who do nothing more than bring you down. They want to bring you to their level to make them feel good, no matter what.

My advice,

Leave them in their misery”

“If they never have anything good to say, then let this be their problem, not yours. Never allow these people to stop you from what you believe in or what you want to do with your life as that is exactly what they want”*

 

What type of foundation should you want to create?

One that makes you smile when you feel down, and gives you fulfillment, gives you security and reassurance.

Those people around you, who know how to bring you back to earth, and let you know that if what you plan in your life doesn’t go to plan, they still have your back at the end of the day.

There is the negative and the positive foundation

Those who will instantly bring you up and those who will instantly bring you down, those who will purposely lead you down a bad road, and you end up hurting yourself and others.

How many stories do we read of famous people who end up with the people who dictate what they should wear, eat and who they should be in a relationship with, and ended up being with someone that changes their life forever, leading them into drugs and drink, and before they know it, their life is out of control.

Did they have a good or bad foundation?

I don’t believe people actually wake up in the morning to have a bad day.

If there was a pill to bring people happiness, I guarantee it would sell out within a day. I believe that people all want to feel good about themselves and feel fulfilled, because what is the point of being alive if not?

People who become famous for example, for singing, acting and creating worldwide businesses, obviously felt that this talent couldn’t got to waste and had a purpose to their life.

I never believe someone who becomes famous plans to fail or go down the wrong path, and purposely sets a bad foundation, but it can too often be because the people supporting them can often get lead by the fame too, and are forever saying “Yes” and not “No” and when people get used to people saying “Yes” to their needs, they can often go against those who say “No” when they are the ones who are trying to help them the most.

They get lost in the world of fame and find it hard to bring themselves up into the realworld again.

Then there are those who have started of with a poor foundation, or started of with a bad foundation, but through determination, strength and never letting any challenges pull them down, have thrived to create an amazing foundation, that can never be taken down, no matter what.

The one person who strings to my mind when I think of this, is famous people like Richard Branson, who started selling things out of the boot of his car and created one of the most famous brands in the world. Virgin.

However you don’t have to become a multi millionaire or even billionaire to create a good foundation, which can become unbreakable. Sometimes people who come from nothing to a millionaire can seem like they have a good foundation, but then get out of control and ended up bankrupt.

I remember reading one of Paul McKenna’s books and he described that even though he was in the prime of his career, how he felt empty and not completely fulfilled as he had hoped.

I remember the girl bad TLC, from the 90’s and they had a hit with “Don’t go chasing Waterfalls”, and looked like they were on the road to an amazing lifelong singing career, only for it to all come crashing down.

Now the bad no longer exist. Well I haven’t heard anything since watching VH-1 years ago, when they did a documentary on their career.

All the money they had made from their hits, had gone.

There will always be times when you will trip and fall, but creating a foundation around you will help support you.

I am also a great believer in that sometimes the unplanned is better than the plan, when something out of the blue occurs and it feels amazing and then you start to develop a foundation to maintain that unplanned event, that has changed your life.

An Example: I went to work down in Bognor Regis, as I wanted to work within a holiday camp and work within the entertainments department.

That never happened. Instead I met my now husband, and then within a year we were living together, and now 14 years later, we are married with a son, which was the greatest gift ever.

That has become my foundation.  

The roads we choose may vary, and it may take several routes for us to get where we really truly want to be, but with the correct people around us, to help us in our journey we are more than likely to succeed.

Be weary of who you choose. It is okay to be picky, just make sure that they suit you, and meet your expectations, are honest with you and you in turn respect them and treat them as part of a team, and give credit when it is due, there is nothing worse when you have helped someone, and they haven’t even said thank you.

My son and husband are my foundation. When I feel low, I just have to take one look at them and I feel good, I know I have something to succeed for.

I knew going to Bognor Regis I would gain my independence and find a life of my own, and I did just that. I did try getting into the entertainments side, but by then I was on the road to another path, and found my passion for fitness, taking on charity runs and did my first half marathon, I then found my passion again for writing and here I am.

Continuing with the foundation I already have, I have now started to create a another foundation, by having my own income again, for the next path, and I am no longer worried about following the initial plan, but setting myself goals and targets.

It isn’t about the plan, but what you learn and discover as you go about your life.

Related blog I recommend: http://balanceinme.com/blog/life-balance-foundation/

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X