Wasn’t sure where I wanted to write this blog, but I felt I needed to add it to this site, as when we are trying to conquer our goals, the one thing that can stop us is isolation. We can often feel like we aren’t part of society and alone.
When I feel isolated the one thing I do is get out of the house and go for a walk. The worst thing you can do is to stay in doors, home alone. Getting out is important, as isolation usually means you need a new environment, and space.
Feeling isolated can lead us to feeling depressed, so getting out will help stop the cobwebs, which is what I call depressive thoughts, from emerging.
If you do get invited out, unless there is trouble getting to somewhere, take up the invite and go.
Isolation means you need to be with people, and you probably find that they too have felt isolated and alone, all they needed just like you, a friend.
If someone does talk to you, give them acknowledgement, instead of trying to ignore them.
It is so easy at times to isolate yourself especially if you are a new mum for example, but this is where meeting other mums for example, can really help. Knowing you aren’t alone in feeling like you a walking meal on tap, as from my own experience, as much as I love my son I did feel often like a walking cow.
Getting out is important for isolation and a new environment can really do the trick.
You go about your day happy as Larry, we sometimes call it, when people are content with their life, then suddenly someone barges you out of the way as if you aren’t there, you start to feel your mood change. You now feel as if someone has seen that you were having a good day, and peed all over it. “Thanks, that’s just great” you rage in your head”.
Now you feel your day is ruined. You feel there is no going back to feeling happy and you’re still playing the incident over in your head. You make it worse than what it is.
Can you get over it?
YES YOU CAN
I have been reading a book about anger because I knew it was something I needed to address. My mum says that “There is no point being angry as the only person who is angry is you”. That is true.
“That person who has bumped into you without a “Sorry” isn’t gonna care, so why should you?”
It is a waste of energy. I no I get wound up, at times, but learning to control it is the key.
Stepping away, and taking yourself out of that situation, just to reason and think about it before reacting can help put a handle on your blowing a fuse.
If we shout at the person who pushed you out of the way, what would they do?
Do you want confrontation, no I hate that. I just want the person to see that pushing me out of the way isn’t acceptable. The person is too busy wanting to rush to wherever they heading, but I am sure if they played it back, or it happened to them, they would feel differently.
Reasoning sometimes is too quick, so saying something like, “You can say excuse me and I will move out your way or careful please” so making them acknowledge what they just did is good because I am sure we have all been in a rush and not meant to but accidentally bumped into someone, the worse thing is when they don’t acknowledge it, but I am sure if you do say something, not stroppy but so they see, the majority of people would be mortified and will say sorry, if they don’t it’s their problem not yours.
They may not react in the way you want or give you the response your want, but I do feel when people do that it is subconscious, and not a conscious thing they meant to do. They’re to busy caught up in their travels, so what is the point of being angry?
They aren’t the slightest bit interested in you to let it spoil their day so why let it spoil yours.
How many of us have flown off the handle, when looking back it was minor. Me and my hubby had an argument over a plate of chips and a draw once. Writing that down seems so daft, and I still think “What was that really about?” How could it have been avoided.
Well at the time my hubby was trying to give up smoking and so was suffering with cravings, so perhaps I could have been more understanding, instead of thinking he was making a personal attack, and he had a point.
Why would I be happy to share a plate of chips but not share a draw, as we both lived there, and where we were living at the time, we wasn’t exactly spoilt for room.
Most arguments and anger can be avoided, if we took some time to breath and think about it before reacting.
At dinner times with my son, there have been many tantrums and tears, including myself wanting to throw a tantrum.
Looking back and even now if he isn’t hungry enough he will kick up a stink to sit down and eat his dinner. At nursery and in the mornings, come breakfast time he is fine with sitting up at the table.
Those moments do pass, and my tip is, is to not make a meal out of it, but try to create calm before the storm, and that can be playing some peaceful music, or get them to sit and watch a bit of TV to let them know dinner is coming and so time to settle down to eat.
I have lost the plot at times when he has kicked off wanting a tantrum of my own, so the best way is to step away and then come back even if it just for a minute, just to breath and think about.
So tips to controlling your rage;
Breath and think it, view it, counting to 10
Learn to be mindful and enjoy nature, taking yourself out of the normal everyday can really help with the everyday hustle and bustle
Think before you speak and remember that if it is second incident whilst out, the chances of you seeing the people who have caused you to rage are slim, so breath and remember the words “Not worth it”
Listen to some soft music or take yourself out of the situation
Be reasonable, you never know what someone else is going through or where they need to be going, so take reason as I am sure they didn’t mean to make you angry. No one has that attention, no one wakes up to make someone angry so try to be reasonable before reacting
Let the anger seep through, this is where breathing and being mindful can really help.
Never allow it to build up as it will be like a pressure cooker and over boil, so acknowledge, address and think it through
Never allow it to take over and journal, if these emotions of anger are getting you down and controlling your life. Anger can have a funny way of turning our minds and making things to be more than what they really are
Communicate effectively, shouting doesn’t always get your point across, so say it with stern so the person knows they have done wrong but not in an aggressive manner as it could turn
Be wise and if it is a friend who has upset you, approach with calm. Think about what to say before you say it, but do let them know they have upset you. The worse thing I have done is attacked first and thought about it afterwards. Somethings are best left unsaid until the storm blows over, but never leave it for too long as once it passes as it can be a different to when you say it at the time
Reflect
Grab a cushion or a pillow and let your rage come out
Once you learn how to handle your anger and emotions then you can put them into practice of other emotional feelings, such as frustration, which can lead to feeling angry, fear and anxiety. Get in touch with your emotions and yourself will help you to feel so much better, and gain back control.
So next time you feel angry or the pressure rising, take perspective and remember it won’t last forever.
Christmas can bring a mixture of emotions. There are those that thrive at Christmas who can’t wait to get out their Christmas Reef and decorate their home and attend those every year get together’s with family and their work Christmas parties.
Then there are those who dread this time of year. They feel uncomfortable when it comes to being given a gift, as they aren’t used to showing delight, and now they feel they have to put on a show of gratefulness. Even if it is another pair of PJ’s or socks.
Dreading the Christmas party all those people in one room, to some there is nothing worse.
Reading an article on the website http://www.mind,org.uk in the UK 1 in 4 adults feel anxious about social gatherings during the festive period. I felt it the other day, when I went to attend a Mulled Wine and Mince pie evening at my son’s nursery. It was to look at our beautiful children’s art work and discuss about our children and how they were getting on at the nursery.
There was one point when talking I felt myself begin to stutter and became tongue tied and self aware, so as soon as I felt I was doing it, I stopped took a breath just for a second and then carried on.
It is learning the triggers of when you feel the anxiety and self consciousness step in, that can help you. To me it feels like a I have a widget just above the stomach and I can feel it raising higher up into my chest.
Also it is okay to say you have an issue aswell. I talked to them about me as a child and what my fears were at having my own children that they would go through the same feelings I did at nursery and at school, and it really helped.
Talking to someone about it first going through the feelings you feel can really make a difference.
If you are dreading the Christmas party, as with all the mind matters that I write about, one thing I would always recommend is to write it down and take perspective on your feelings.
Ask yourself when did these feelings begin?
Knowing how it feels when you dread meeting with people I want to help others to prevent those fears and feelings too. So addressing the history of those feelings, like if you have suffered bullying, you are paranoid because a passed event took place and it plays on your mind still and you worry in case it may happen again, is a great place to start.
You are worried about what to wear, you are fed up of feeling you don’t fit in, and that like I experienced in one of my work places, they only found me fun when I was drunk.
The last time I saw these particular colleagues was when I had met up with them in London, and we were having a laugh, I had a drink and I had decided to pop to the lavatory.
Coming back and retrieving my drink, I noticed it was suddenly tasting funny. It was only when I pressed the person who was looking after my drink, got stroppy and said “We’ve put a Tequila in it” and laughed. I was quite taken aback and I didn’t say anything but I was not happy.
They basically spiked my drink.
Now I am always up for a laugh, but the one thing I do not agree with doesn’t matter what it is. You should never spike someones drink. It is so dangerous, and what if I had, had a sudden allergic reaction. You just never know and people have and so from that night I decided perhaps it would be best to stay away.
I have never been in contact with them again.
It did make me avoid work parties and I only began to go out with my friends I know from school and I know I can trust.
Going back and addressing the issues that first caused you to have the feelings of social anxiety can help you. Anxiety, as I have spoken in a video about, see video below, is an emotion that is there to protect us, but not control us.
When we have anxiety of any form it can usually be the “What if’s and who is going to be there”, “What if I trip and fall, I have my skirt tucked into my knickers again like last time”. It can be a medical issue that can hold us back. If you are worried about your breath, you are bloated and don’t want to break wind in front of everyone when having chat and a drink.
I know people will laugh at this, but it can be something that worries people and causes them to fear other people.
So work out what had triggered these feelings from the beginning
Then ask what could be the best thing about the Christmas party? What good things could happen?
This will help you to get in touch with your positive part of the brain.
It can feel at times so easy to listen to the negative part of the brain, because if something does happen, it’s that holding up your guard, as if to say you had kind of expected it, in some way, then it won’t be such a blow to the system if something does happen.
If that is the case let me ask you, will it make you feel any better knowing you were right that the worse thing did happen?
Another way of addressing such issues, is by grabbing a notebook, and right the best things about (using the Work Christmas Party as an example) of what could happen and why you should go, then number each line, from 1 to 5, and write down 5 things, doesn’t have to be an essay or many words, but to the point, of the really good things that can come out of the evening with your colleagues.
Example:
I get to see my friend from another department I don’t always get to see
A great opportunity to grow my own network of contacts in my work place
I will get to wear that black dress I bought ages ago
My friend is going so I won’t be entirely on my own
All my colleagues have all said they would be really happy to see me there
Then on another page or underneath that write a list of 5 things, that you are worried about.
Example:
I am worried about my skin looking too pale
I feel like mutton dressed as lamb
Not all my colleagues in my department are going
I fear I may not know many other work colleagues there
What if I am not able to make conversation
Recap:
Address when your social anxiety started
Then get in touch with the positive side of the brain to think of the good things about going to your work Christmas party
Then go through the list of things that is worrying you
Then you want to from 1 to 10, mark down the possibilities of each item you are worried about. For example, I am worried about looking too pale and if you feel the probability is a 9 out of 10, then what would help reduce that probability?
You watch programmes like TOWIE where it is fake tan galore and perfect skin and nails, but remember they have been dolled up for entertainment and would have spent ages in hair and make up.
There is no harm in pampering yourself, build the areas you do like about yourself.
To address the first item you are worried about, list 5 things you do like about your body and appearance.
I wouldn’t recommend sunbeds due to how bad they are for you, but you can get tinted moisturisers. Exfoliate first and then use tinted body cream or wash off tan.
Make sure you choose a tone that suits your skin. The last thing you want to look is orange, but have a healthy glow. However I do think pale skin can suit a lot of people. There are stars like Nigella Lawson, who oozes paleness and was seen as a domestic goddess.
What would increase your confidence in this area?
Again list 5 things.
Example:
Choose an item of clothing that will help reduce the paleness. For example, red always suits me and blues. Finding the right colour clothing for your skin tone can make a huge difference.
Show the assets I do like. Do you have a cleavage, do you like your legs or arms?
There is an outfit that always suits me. Go and look at it and put it on and ask yourself, why this outfit always gains me compliments?
My hair, I always get people saying how lovely my hair is. What could I do that will make me feel more elegant and take the eyes of my pale skin?
Could I be anaemic? I am being serious, I was pale as a child a lot and it turned out that I had a low immunity especially during my periods, so you may be lacking some iron in your body. Worth getting checked out.
Then do the same for the next one in your worried list.
Addressing the issue is the key to finding a solution. Once you find a solution then you can start putting pieces of the puzzle together to help build your social insecurities
You have to be honest with yourself. The more honest you are the more you will find the answers and be able to help build your confidence in social situations.
Then write 5 things of how you will feel if you don’t go to the Christmas party?
Example:
I will feel that I missed out and there will be loads of chatter about it in weeks to come, and I won’t feel part of it causing me to feel even more left out
Relieved but guilty, due to people asking why I wasn’t there
Childish and defeated
Missed a great opportunity to form stronger relationships with colleagues. Some evenings, in my experience, I have had out have been the best way to get to know people and form friendships at work. People outside of the working environment, tend to be more relaxed when socialising with work colleagues once the working day has finished
Annoyed at myself for not having the guts to go, and now I feel like I have taken a step backwards
Then close your eyes thinking about what you have written, play the movie of the image of you at the Christmas party. Picture both images, the areas where you are worried, and the areas where you have written down that you feel would be a good idea to go to the Christmas party.
Start to reduce the negative image of you at the Christmas party and increase the positive image.
Keep imagining this until the negative image is a dot and the positive image is so big you feel you can almost touch it, then imagine the negative image going completely. Do this several times, before the party, and this will really help you to fight against the anxiety and not allow your social anxiety to hold you back.
I really hope you find this blog helpful and many thanks for reading,
For some, this time of year is the time to be jolly and excited about gifts they will receive or buy, and seeing friends and family they haven’t seen for a long time.
Then there are others who will be on their own at Christmas. The percentage of the elderly who feel lonely has increased this year, and I find it so sad, but at the same time I do identify with those feelings.
There have been times when I have felt alone, I was never a girl who had loads of boyfriends, and my friends once they began to see boys, often created a new circle so the circle I had with them, started to fade too.
When talking to one of my friends, even when she had a boyfriend she still often felt lonely.
If you look up the word Lonely on the internet you’ll see the definition on Google browser to mean,
“sad because one has no friends or company”,
but even when we have company if we feel unattached to the people around us, we can feel lonely too.
So I feel the word “Lonely” to be sometimes defined incorrectly.
I see it as someone who feels unattached from the world and the people around them.
Listening to a phone in on the ITV 1 program This Morning, a lady called up saying how Lonely she felt, she felt she had no one. She had tried going to a local club, but still she was one her own.
Feeling like we have no one can send us to the rock bottom and that can lead to depression, falling down a steep hole as I have often seen it, and it is a battle to try and get out of the hole, dropping deeper and deeper.
What I would say is, write a list of the people who you do know, or have known. I often find that writing about my feelings as I have written in many of my blogs, to be so useful and I would always recommend keeping a journal.
I have kept a journal all the time, and have done so from a young age, maybe not continuously filling it in everyday, but have always had one there so when I need to, I know it is there for me to share my thoughts and fears. I have different ones, my everyday bullet journal which is a quick note down of my day and what is coming up, a one where I share all happy thoughts and memories and another for all my personal fears and feelings.
A Self Help book I would recommend is a book called “Mindfulness on the go” written by Padraig O’Morain, a bit of peace in your pocket.
Mindfulness on the Go a definite book I recommend helps you reattach yourself with the people and world around you.
This will help re-attach you to the world. Be with the world around you, look at the buildings, the roads, people, cars going by, nature and will help you have peace with yourself.
Before you can attach yourself back to the world, you have to build the confidence within yourself.
How are you supposed to be happy with the world and make friends, if you don’t make friends with yourself and be happy with yourself?
Take the pressure off, don’t push yourself to go to the local club you have checked out, until you are ready. Take gradual steps.
Mindfulness helps you to concentrate on your breathing whilst appreciating the things that are around you.
Walking through my local common for example and being mindful, has really helped me when I have felt low and helped to reattach myself, and see that there is a magnificent world out there.
Getting in touch with nature, visiting a local farm, a zoo, or just going for a quiet walk not particularly having a plan of where to go, but just getting to know the place you live again, and as you do so, if someone says good morning, afternoon or evening, say it back.
I have noticed since walking through my local common how often other people are a lot more friendlier, and appear to be happier, and there is at least one person who will greet me and notice me. There is something about nature that helps others relax and be approachable.
Go for a coffee and if someone smiles or you see someone looking for somewhere to sit and they to are on their own too, why not ask them to join you?
This is one of my husband and I’s regular ways we reattach having a coffee together, or spending sometime away from where we live, having a few drinks and a bite to eat. Being by the sea can really make a difference in your feelings. I always feel happy with my life and get to know people when I am in a peaceful surrounding.
It is the little things that create the big things in life, and sometimes as a couple it can be so easy with work and children to become unattached from each other, that you start to feel lonely. So having sometime just the two of you, can really make all the difference.
A good way to help loneliness is to take on a challenge. Back when I was living in the South Coast of England, there was a period where I would look in the mirror at myself and cry and I felt like my life wasn’t going anywhere.
It was in May 2005 when I knew I had to change things. I decided I was once and for all going to make fitness a part of my everyday lifestyle and set myself up on a challenge. The year 2008 I took on the Great North Run. Something I never thought I would ever do.
It was the biggest thing I had ever achieved in my life and it proved to myself that if I wanted to make a change in my life and create better things, I was capable of doing so. Taking on the Great North Run was what I needed to make me see what I could do when I put my mind to it. There were people who didn’t even know me, but took an interest and gave me a cheer on.
Open your eyes at the people next door or who have invited you out and you have turned them down. If you have kept saying no and they no longer ask you, that is because once people often hear the word “No” they will stop asking. You will be surprised that they will then miss your company too. So if you see them again, why not ask them if you can finally take them up on their offer and join them.
I have often felt lonely as a new mum, feeling isolated and I still do at times. I still even now that Henry is 3 years old, still feel at times that I am getting things wrong, but then I look at my boy, who is very healthy, very sociable, happy and loves to explore and I know I must be doing something good, right? It has made me more confident, it has helped me chat to other mums who are feeling the same and just having a chat to them can make all the difference to them too.
Motherhood is challenging and if you are a mum feeling lonely then remember the little creation you have bought into the world. Giving birth is a challenge in itself, so taking on other challenges that will give you a chance to meet other a people, like a charity walk or run, will really help you beat the loneliness.
I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago, about Beating the Scammer. We get lost sometimes when we shop online. We feel we have a goldmine of opportunity and everything is so easy accessible.
Well so is you. Never think that as human beings we are invisible, because we are not.
I have had my accounts hacked into and have had money taken from me online, and it is like you fear no where is safe.
Why? Why me?
Then I looked at my information, my passwords and what I was putting out there.
As a YouTuber I do feel that it is my duty to be responsible online and protect myself and others around me. So I take precautions not to give too much information about myself away. That isn’t hiding. That is different.
The amount of people I see posting maps of where they are.
I am like. NO, STOP AND THINK.
I read an article online a while back and it asked a really good question, which was.
If you were asked to stand in the middle of the street, with a billboard around you with all your information, your name, date of birth, address, credit card numbers and telephone numbers, would you do it?
Of course not, so why do we reveal so much about ourselves online?
You may think I am being hypocritical as I do share pictures online, and share videos on YouTube, and I have revealed a lot in the past, but then my mum pulled me up on it and it had bitten back at me, when someone tried to send a load of spam mail using my Twitter account. I felt suddenly exposed, when initially what I was posting I thought was innocent, but obviously made it easy for someone to hack into my information.
I reported it, I now change my passwords regularly and never reveal too much.
It is okay to share experiences, items purchased, room tours, planner ideas, but I don’t share my date of birth or any naked photos of my son, as I do think as a mum I have to protect my son and be responsible. I think those types of images can end up in the wrong hands, and I don’t share my address, bank details or exactly where I live.
There is just some information people don’t need to know about
The one thing I don’t do any more, is show a map of where I am. I may post a picture after visiting somewhere, but not before. I was like so many doing so, putting a map of where I am , but then after hearing a lady at work speaking to her daughter she made a real valid point, and it rang alarm bells.
Why advertise where you are when you don’t know who is reading that information and you are advertising to people you are not at home and that your house is empty?
When you post a map online, you are advertising that you are not at home, so professional burglars and scammers who may also be seeing this information, may seek an opportunity.
It can happen, it has happened, so do not let it happen to you.
I like posting pictures of places I have been, but I don’t do a map of where I am, because with the internet you have no idea who is reading that information. It is good for memories to look back on, and for my son, but also to protect him, so I don’t give too much detail of where I am away. I keep it as brief as possible.
When purchasing tickets online, never buy from a private seller.
private sellers are usually out to get one thing, and that’s your money.
You would never start displaying your purse about and what’s inside, so stop and protect it from online private sellers.
The other thing is, when buying items on EBay or ETSY check where they are from and the material. It may look good in a photo, but that is because they want to sell it to you.
Check beforehand and definitely check reviews of the seller.
A lot of scammers love these sites for buying and selling, as it is an opportunity for them to catch you off guard, so protect yourself
When selling, take a photo of the item and write down the condition, keep a record. When sending out a package, package it securely with bubble wrap and a box for heavy items, writing fragile on top, and send via recorded delivery. I know that is extra cost, but at least you know that the recipient has to sign for it at there end and you can keep track of the delivery.
So be vigilant and careful. Still enjoy your festive season of cheer, but protect yourself at the same time.
There is nothing worse. When it happens boy is it painful. It may not be a physical pain, but an emotional heavy on the heart and gut pain. The money you had saved has been literally taken away from you.
You are like, why didn’t I not see it.
Those who scam are clever, they know what words to use to capture the person’s attention and they plot. Never think that the person didn’t know what he was doing or is stupid.
With all the names you wish to call those who scam, stupid is not one. They are clever, they know when to hit at the right time, and would have been planning the scheme for ages.
Never let your guard down. Now we are coming up to Christmas the scammers will be waiting.
When it happens it can make us feel so vulnerable and that no one can be trusted. It can feel like someone is trying to take our castles away we are trying to build, because all they want is your money.
Before I buy anything online I check to see if the padlock symbol is there and I don’t buy any items via PayPal anymore as money was taken due to someone hacking into my details.
If I buy an item on EBay then I do so by using my debit card and as a guest. I no longer use my accounts. You can easily as the seller, be scammed by those who bid on your items too.
Check out the video below by KLEANTRIX of him unboxing what he had purchased on Ebay. It was supposed to be an IPhone.
The next video is of an item that was purchased from the buyer and sent back. I wonder if you can guess what the scam is. Video by Bigboy316
Those who scam are not afraid to throw punches or what or how they scam. If they can get your money or in the above case buy something for you, returning not what was sent out, then it is about the item they can get from you to then probably sell onto someone else.
My husband recently bought an Xbox from Amazon. It was only £20, but guess what?
He got it all set up and the disc draw doesn’t open. Surprise surprise. So now we have a device which we would love to use but can’t.
Since first writing this blog, we have managed to fix this problem and can now use it, but it has to have a disc in the draw all the time for it to open. MADNESS!
When my husband and I went to Tenerife for our honeymoon in September 2006, some guy approached us to take part in a scratchcard competition. It was only a quid, so we did two.
Next thing we know we won.
EVERYONE’S A WINNER
So we thought okay fine, we will to go to his office to collect our award and then be on our way. YEAH RIGHT!
We were drawn into buying a Timeshare Membership, paying over £300 as a deposit and then we had to pay the rest by direct debit or instalments.
With the deposit you paid and the monthly costs you supposedly paid, gave you entitlement to stay in free 5 star hotels, a shopping card and vouchers.
Afterwards my husband and I were going over what just happened. “Had we done the right thing?” I then after coming back from holiday spoke to my mum, who was on holiday at the same time and did the same thing. They had a terrible time, with really bad accommodation and other holiday makers became a nightmare, so they were desperate to move from their original hotel booked. They had joined a similar scheme but they got to move to a more luxury hotel as long as they paid to do the Timeshare experience.
We then looked into it, and saw that there had been a big campaign on it. The BBC TV Programme Watchdog did a feature on it.
They listed all the companies who were doing the Timeshare offers, who was good and bad.
Looking down I saw the company we had gone with.
IT WAS IN THE BAD LIST
Lucky on the Watchdog website it gave details of how to report them and had a template document giving details of how to cancel with the company.
It meant we would lose our £300 deposit, as they didn’t funny enough have a cooling off period, but no more money would be taken.
When thinking about it, it was so clever the way it all appeared to be at the time, so legit.
They were indeed a Timeshare company and yes you would stay at free accommodation, but reading reports from other holidaymakers who had been drawn into the same thing, the hotels were mostly “The Hotel Of Horrors” so no way 5 star and people had issues with the shopping cards where stores hadn’t heard of them, so they couldn’t be used.
It was all done in an office with desks and computers and you got talking to one guy who went through it all, what the timeshare included, and then another guy who was the so called manager to seal the deal.
click here on this link of an example of this type of scam by so called Timeshare companies,
The one thing learned from that experience, was it taught me a massive lesson. Now when I am approached in the street by any sales person I will always be polite and say no.
It is hard to tell from the legit to the fraudster so it is best to stay clear. If it is a good product then to be honest you wouldn’t need to approach anyone, as they would come to you.
When buying online especially electrical or very expensive products, buy on sale from reputable retailers. Never a private seller.
So to fight back, beat the scammer don’t let them beat you.
It has been a while since I wrote a blog on this site. Sometimes when you feel that you need to step back in order to add more, it is time to do more soul searching and learn from others.
There were still some things I needed to work on for myself.
Since creating this blog, I started creating videos on YouTube talking about Self Confidence as to build a better foundation and future, you do have to address certain issues.
Please see my last video I did about Self Confidence talking about Relationships.
I apologise I hadn’t followed on doing any videos about my relationship with my husband as I was going to do some videos to celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary but other family events took over.
However I will do more. I think when you find a good relationship with people, your writing like me, family and other things in your life, it can be a juggling act to maintain a good stable relationship, but for me it is all about compromising and prioritising. What is more important? Cleaning or helping my son with his development? for example.
It doesn’t mean that you won’t get that cleaning done, it just means that you will when it is a good time too.
To continue to build this website, I knew I needed to take a breather from it and really research, and it has done me good.
Trying out new and different things, has helped like, for example I did have a Mind Management page on my Carriesrealworld website, but I just didn’t feel it, I felt it had more presents on this blog website. So all my Self confidence videos will now be on this website.
Taking some time out from this blog site has helped to be able to add more to the blogs on this site. Learning from others and being inspired is what I truly love. Not copying that is an entirely different thing altogether, but inspired by how easy it can be once you learn how to address certain emotions and challenges that come your way.
I have experienced financial challenges recently, but I know this is just for now and it will change. When I hit a bump in the road it makes me “STOP”, “LOOK”, and “CHANGE”. That is what we need to do when challenges come our way to take control.
People may say “Well you obviously wasn’t paying a attention to what you were spending”. Well actually I was. I knew where that money was going. I do a budget each month, I do coupon, I do keep my receipts and keep a spreadsheet of my expenses, but I also knew that this would be the last time I would splurge for the year. Now it is back to the drawing board, and save money for this part of the year, as I do have my son’s birthday, aswell as my mum’s and my brothers, then my step dads and my sister-in-law, and then Christmas. I also do have debts to clear still, which I have also been concentrating on.
I am not going to hit myself over the head anymore, I am sick of doing that. Instead I like to reflect and take action. I am pleased with what I bought, it was my birthday and also my husband and I, had to travel to Lincoln for a family funeral, so it wasn’t all on things, but on real important items.
So taking the time out that I had, and with other things that I know has effected my feelings about myself is a good way of looking at those things from the outside. It makes you see where that particular thing needs to be worked on, for there to be that good relationship and for the relationship to continue.
So I am ready to write again, on this website and help more people build their castles to a better life and wellbeing.
Once you have been bullied you always have that fear of it happening again. Since being a someone who has experienced bullying myself, I have learned how to spot the signs of a bully by their body language, how they progressively change; do they let the whole world know when you have done something they have not been happy with? Or told everyone around them when your backs been turned and purposely not done something and blamed you for the mistake or something they were supposed to do but didn’t?
They may put on a front at first and be all nice to you, but as soon as you start settling in at school or work, the behaviour and character starts to waiver and change. They may start by nit picking on things, by commenting on your personal image, they may start to act different in front of certain people when they are talking to you; do they pull faces as they are speaking you?
It doesn’t matter whatever level the person is, weather it is a school pupil, another colleague or if you feel a teacher or a manager is coming across as aggressive, confrontational as if they want to intimidate you then this can be the beginnings of a bully’s behaviour. If you come across anyone starting to make you feel isolated, spreading rumours or making you feel uncomfortable then you have the right to speak out and take action.
Let the bullies know you are not going to stand for the way they are being towards you, or rise to their level of abuse or wrong behaviour. You do not have to sit there in silence and you do have the right to tell them, that they are being wrong and you wish to do a good job but their behaviour towards you is effecting you from doing a good job, and if it continues you then take action to stop it from happening.
Here is a blog I am subscribed to which also talks about bullying, from someone who has also been targeted by bullies.
If you are a victim of bullying then have no fear, and please you deserve to be treated with respect by people and no one has the right to bully you.
It can have a massive impact on someone’s confidence, I know I have been there and I am so glad I did fight back and I didn’t allow it to control my life. You must not allow it to control yours either.
The way of stopping these bullies is to close the barrier on them and report what they are doing, otherwise if it isn’t you, it is more than likely to happen to someone else. Bullies usually will have issues of their own, which is no excuse and for them to understand that what they are doing is unacceptable you have the right to stand up to them. An easy way is to say “No you will not treat me this way” and take action by reporting it to your teachers or to your employer.
See my directory of websites set up to help those who are a victim of bullying or you know someone in your family or a friend who is being bullied. The thing about bullying it can upset the people around you too, as they can fill helpless and they want to fight back on your behalf but they worry because of the worse implications on you. They wish to protect you, but don’t want to make things worse.
So please fight back. I would encourage anyone who has been a victim of bullying to talk about it as it is the only way we will make people, schools, the communities, and companies know what it is going on, and more action needs to be taken.
Please see link to a page where I have put a link to an example of a bullying Policy which is your evidence to say to your school, college or company that “I am being bullied and it states in this, the action that will be taken when bullying is reported, and so I wish to do that and I wish for it to stop”.
When I first wrote this in my notepad I thought about this when watching Celebrity Big Brother where Perez Hilton began to be what I perceived to be sexually explicit in the Big Brother garden, and it did shock me and disgust me.
It made me think is this crossing a boundary?
I know there will be those reading this, saying “That’s an understatement”, but everybody’s perception of boundaries are different as everyone has a different set of boundaries. There are the good boundaries which you know you fear but you also know that once you’ve taken the courage to cross that good boundary it will make you feel like you have accomplished an ultimate achievement in your life.
Then there are the bad boundaries which you know if someone crosses it will influence how you view them and if you would like this person in your life or not.
Is it important to set boundaries?
Yes the ones that you know will effect your day in a negative way and will cause offence to other people around, are the ones you know will loose your respect for that person crossing that bad boundary and you will no longer see them in a positive light anymore. It is important we let a person know if they have gone too far, it is not always the case of walking away and ignoring them.
When watching that episode of Celebrity Big Brother, I thought, does Perez have any boundaries?
At first I thought after that activity he did in the garden (those who have been watching will know what I am referring to) he can’t have. However watching a couple of episodes afterwards where Katie Hopkins was being I think quite childish towards him trying to isolate him and bring him down, I realised he does.
He knows when someone has gone to far and crossed one of his boundaries which caused him to get upset. I do think both are playing a game in the Celebrity Big Brother house, Katie Hopkins as much as I detest her, I do find her fascinating because she is playing a very clever game. I know some will differ from this opinion, but I really think she is.
However even she has boundaries, which I can clearly see and it can cause clashes, but you should stand up to someone if they do cross one of your boundaries. The way she does it is by giving a comment which causes alarm and I see she knows that too, she knows what will create more a shock reaction (i.e. Crossing some of the house mates boundaries) but there is another way, just saying “That is out of order” then explaining why can be enough, you don’t have to be confrontational, and a lot of CBB is edited for us at home, it wouldn’t be seen as good TV if everyone was getting on and being nice to each other, that is why they select different personalities, they know there will be clashes from people in the group.
If you watch clearly you can see each of their boundaries and what each celebrity sees as a good boundary and a bad one to them. I think even opting to go into the CBB house is a boundary and can be a good or bad experience.
Writing about this it made me think about mine
What are my own boundaries?
Referring to the definition of boundaries:
Sourced from Wikipedia
Personal boundaries – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.
– If I know someone is being spiteful and rude for no reason.
– Mental and physical abuse which I suppose is related to the above.
– Dishonesty, people not being truthful.
I am no way perfect, I have and had my moments where I have behaved which others have seen as negative and wrong, and they have pulled me up on it. I am sure many of us have, but it is how you learn from them that matters. You can either continue to behave badly which ends up upsetting you and the people around you; or take responsibility and make sure you change this negative behaviour so you feel better about yourself and others on how they perceive you.
This is why having boundaries are important because it helps you learn about yourself and others to create more positive feelings in your life and theirs too.
