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Am I going through the past a lot? This is a habit I have done all my life, but I can’t ignore as much as I try, so rather than avoid it I allow it to come into my mind and then I will address and think, what did I learn from that? For example when I went to Brownies there was a girl who was really bitchy and she would be very abrupt towards me and talk to me as if I was an idiot. This helped me to toughen me up and so when I went to Secondary school I made sure that noone was like that to me again. Many of the girls, as I went to a girls school, did try but I didn’t stand for it and showed my authority and when someone is rude I will speak up and say “You don’t talk to me in that way” and so has helped me to set boundaries.

Boundaries are the very important. It also taught me about communicating better and not talk as if someone is able to read my mind, like that girl did because they would play games at Brownies and because I was new wasn’t understanding it.

As a kid who was super shy, I needed support in understanding, but remembering this event, it made me decide on what type of person I wanted to be and that the way she reacted was wrong, and what would I have done if I was her. I know she was a kid herself and was still learning and thinking perhaps it was because she had troubles in how to interact properly and so needed to be given training and understanding, that her way of talking to me was wrong. She did get told off, and when the Brown Owl, The head of Brownies left so did she.

It taught me about morals and respecting others like I would like to be respected. She obviously thought that the way she spoke was her way of stamping her authority and had learning difficulties, who knows? Only she would know, and I think about the times where I had been unkind. There was a guy I worked with was super happy and cheerful and I couldn’t understand what he was say because he had a very thick accent and I was very dismissive and he then had a go at me. I then said “Sorry but I can’t understand you” and was worried in answering him in case he said something rude. All I had to do is say “Sorry but can you say that again” and it made me understand that when someone is being nice doesn’t mean they are actually being mean. So, the past incidences and help us with reactions to how we have been interacting with other people.

Can I fix that? Yes by realising that being rude is not necessary in any form, but being nice and polite goes a long way and it I don’t want people to think I am rude, because then people won’t want to talk to me. It didn’t make me an angel but human and I can’t mend what I once did but I can learn by being better to that person. Noone is ridiculous because they can’t understand a game, they just need to be shown again and someone to be beside them and show them, rather than shouting. Shouting is just someone not knowing how to communicate correctly and I have been guilty of that too, if I want a good response I have to initialize it.

Is it good to have regrets? A lot of people would say “No” and that it was part of them growing and I come to see that, is it worth regretting? NO because you can’t go back, so you have to move on and learn, Learning is the key to mending our ways and about the world and how it works. I believe in forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself and others may have done something wrong to upset you, and instead of arguing talking. I think with technology it is very good to hide behind it and not speak to a someone in person.

We live and learn by our actions and the past can have an impact on how we respond to others and I catch myself when I realise I am being like my dad and its like NOOO. I love my dad but he was very outspoken and said what he thought which wasn’t always good, but the one thing that was taught by him was how to talk to someone. He wasn’t ever rude as such he just was honest and he would talk to anyone, whether they knew him or not, and he loved to socialise. He would make us laugh because he would take the mickey but people never took him seriously and he never took himself seriously either, he was just very well spoken and I do feel sad that I never to to see him again before he died, but glad he was my dad, and remember the good parts and why everyone knew him and loved him.

So the past can help us to grow and be thankful for how the past has shaped us to think about the present.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Typical London Gal