This follows my the blog before this one: let go of the past.
Does your past making you feel ashamed? In my life I have not always been kind and had dark thoughts, but I know that this has made me put them to bed as thoughts are what they are and didn’t carry out anything that would have been harmful and often it just I quick thought, in the moment because if I didn’t say anything and been able to see the lighter side of life.
My brother and I never got on as kids. We would argue and fight a lot, but now we are fine. If you constantly feel shameful then what specifically is making you feel that way?
I thought I was being unkind to a girl I work with and apologised and she didn’t have any ideas as to what I was talking about. So, I know longer felt shame and so talk. Let people know how you feel and speak to a psychologist, therapist or a Social Worker, if your thoughts of the past are haunting you and was as bad as what you thought?
Stop giving yourself such a hard time. Everyone has a past. Done the wrong thing or said something that was taken out of context. I remember when working in a Call Centre, one of the new people I spoke to I couldn’t see there face. I thought it was a man. I was chatting about it in the Staff Canteen and she comes over and says “Apparently I sound like a man” and she thought one of us (chatting to some of colleagues) called her a Cow, which we did not and she wanted to hit me, in particular. I felt dreadful and she spoke to one of the managers and I told it was an innocent conversation, and said I am sorry and I did feel ashamed, but it didn’t stop me from talking it made me be more self aware and next time I should have introduced myself and asked who the person was as I not met them and I not into gossiping.
In the end this was resolved she didn’t hit me, I didn’t keep on and the issue was solved, ,so I moved on.
Thinking of the past can drain you and be full of regret and not able to move on, but time has a different idea. Do you want to be happy with who you are? Take it one day at a time and address your feelings. I was so sad when my Nan died. She was my last grandparent and kept forgetting and would have dreams about her still being alive and it really changed a lot. I had a friend who lived by her and so whenever I could would pop in, I did. Suddenly I couldn’t do that anymore.
She would not want me, to not get on my my life. She lived to old age and it was her time.
My parents was getting divorced, I was in a very demanding job, but loved the social life. I then changed jobs but I hated it and it was the wrong move. I then decided I would follow my gut and had to be selfish and do what I felt would lead me to following my dreams. It lead me to a job where, it was a culture shock and what I needed and no longer regret the decisions I made and did what I was hopefully lead me to building a life of my own and it happened.
You never know what path to choose sometimes. It makes me think of a game of chess. What is the right move? Will I need to move my Queen or not? Reflect, write and leave it there. Take a step forward and trust your gut.
When I look back on events now, I loved the people met, good and bad. I like the journeys I have taken and will keep living and not feel ashamed. It happened, noone died so it is time to let the shame go and create more abundance and self belief.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X
Everyone can build a castle 
