I thought of this cheat sheet this week by doing my monthly shop where I by bits for the local food bank in Wimbledon/Merton to give back and also because my step dad helps an elderly lady and it is so rewarding to help others and we should all be working together for no more war, hunger and seeing families struggle to put food on the table.
These are tips on how you can do different acts of kindness if you know people that on their own and just need to see someone who wants to give them some company each day or week, but brightens up their day and not left all alone.
These are completely free to download and print and let me know your feedback on them and if there are other printables you’d find useful based on the content on this blog site and I do have many and do post a lot on my Pinterest and my social media platforms too:
Life will often hit you like a sudden death of someone, job loss or a holiday that has been cancelled that you were really looking forward to and so what can you do? How can you change the feelings of sadness and shock?
It takes time and grief is a personal thing and it dependant on the person but just take each day as it comes and allow it to build your strength and I miss my dad, and everyday I think about “What could I have done?” “What would he say if he was still alive?” and I wish he was here still but I know that dwelling on that is like hitting a dead end, so the importance for me was to move on for my own sanity.
You can’t fix everything and life is challenging at times and it can affect us in what we do each day. Its change. When my parents divorced I tried to block it out and was going out a lot to avoid what was going on and I was working up London and then it hit me and it really sent me down a downward spiral.
Yet I pictured it along time before it happened, but I had to take time to face it and the first Christmas of that year in 2000 was tough, and my spark of the festive season went and dreaded it.
Then in 2002 I went to the Southcoast to work at a holiday camp (Butlins Bognor Regis) and met my now husband and for a while I didn’t realise we were going out but we were, so in 2006 got married and moved back to London and then 2013 my son was born.
I am sad that my dad never got to meet him but he did know about it, as my brother saw him and so I had to come to turns with it as my mind can analyse everything and it drives me mad, so to help me to grow and going on my dads mistakes made sure I didn’t follow suit and remembering the good times and not worry about the bad.
Life will stop you in your tracks and this is good and bad, so I spend a lot of time in focusing on today and not rushing into things. I have had the intensity to think about the Autumn when we are still in Summer and being thankful of what I have in my life today. I was struggling with this blog because I felt I was rambling on and talking all about my passed and that I have had a good day so far today. I got the shopping I needed, worked on completing my Counselling course and watching a bit of Youtube and did a bit of tidy up.
I am having my first coffee for the day and journaled to help get this blog written for my Life Coaching programme Summer Project 2024 and filming a vlog and just enjoying each day, letting myself think about the now and not tomorrow and next week unless it is important and can help to not have too much to do and what I am looking forward to, to stop thinking of the bad feelings and what I don’t have right now.
I just as I write this blog, started journaling to figure out what to do about my restlessness and what I want next in my life, visioning my growth, building my life but focus on what I can do today to get to doing those things and listening to a self help video, listening to music or a podcast.
So today I am filming a vlog, going to make an apple crumble and then see what I can do today to complete my tasks planned for today.
My life has not been pain sailing, like us all, there has been ups and downs and when my mum or dad told me off I would be like, it was the end of the world and that I am right and they’re wrong, and so unfair, and would envy my brother, because he is super confident, and girls running after him, whilst I sat on a bench at school by myself.
I have had to really work on my self. I could get jealous, bitter and self centered, like “How have they earned that?”, “Oh they are showing off and trying to be super popular”, or like when I was a primary school, a girl named Sherie, was so popular and all the boys fancied her, and everyone wanted her company and be friends with her. I felt ugly and envious, that I will never be her, like I wished to be.
My mental health took a turned for the worst, and battled with my feelings for a long time. There were times when I didn’t get out of bed, and would stay in, and now I have been discharged from the Mental Health hospital, so proud of myself that I got through my fight with my mental health and not allowing my inner critic to hold me back and stop feeling that I haven’t had a exciting life compared to others, and that the world is against me.
Here are some questions to ask,
Who do you want to be?
Do you feel unworthy and that you’ll never be as good as someone in your life?
Do you feel that noone understands you?
Writing a journal, can really help address your feelings and what is it that is really bothering you?
For me it was, well if I look like that, like Sherie, then I will be as popular and the kids would want to hang with me, but that wasn’t the case and started to form friends as I gradually went through school, but it took a long time, and would have fights and arguments and was bullied. In the end I was well respected at Primary school. It took the last year to experience that, but that I had come so far, and then wanted to start a fresh beginning, at secondary school.
The feelings didn’t disappear, and got stronger. I now look back it was once again that I wasn’t fitting in, and was told by a girl that I was boring, because I was a fan of a TV show The Bill, and would talk about it a lot, and took it, and glad for her honesty and yes it hurt my feelings, but then she wasn’t perfect and would get on people’s nerves, yet we did have fun together, so I let it go.
With those group of friends, they would be into wrestling and one of my friends did canoeing, and shared our love of music. They were the ones who got me into following a rugby team and when I felt like I couldn’t buy chips in McDonalds they got them for me, and introduced me to rock music and went to concerts together, and made friends at my dancing school, and my confidence began to increase.
I have been unkind, and blocked people, because I was feeling excluded and it really was affecting me, because felt it was a personal attack. Now though I glad that they have done well in their life and now in jobs that are high powered, and looking after themselves.
Our negative feelings can rub off on others. I have been with people who would constantly be complaining. I am lucky for having the people around me that keep the roof over my head and support me in looking after my son, and at the weekend I met up with friends who I met when I was working at a holiday camp, and felt so privileged to be in their company as we had a good catch up, and that we all, trying to build our lives and be happy. I can be awkward and shy still but when you meet people, and makes you feel that you’ve never been apart, the fear instantly goes, your inner critic gets pushed away making you feel that you are worthy and people love you, and stop putting your guard up, and not allow your fears get the better of you, but make you grow and be the person you wished to be, and telling people that you love them, can help you and them. There are a lot of people I love, because they have been a huge importance to my life, and been a great influence. I am kind, I will be on time, and I will make the effort.
When you have been through trauma, it can make you angry, and “Why me?”, “What have I done to deserve it?” and often its nothing, its life, it can be unpredictable. Noone knows what is around the corner for us, and so, talking about growing our happiness, ask yourself, do you want to be unhappy all through your life? I have had to rebuild, and make sense of situations, but often there isn’t an answer. I no longer want my inner critic stop me from going swimming and going for walks, from spending time with my son, and go for opportunities, that can open many doors for me. I no longer want to be counting calories, and worrying about my weight. If biscuits are going to make me feel guilty, then I am not going to eat them, if someone doesn’t say thank you when you open the door for them, because what’s the point, they don’t care and not allow me to have a bad day, but continue to be kind and not allow their ignorance to rub off.
So lets all work together in building and growing our lives, its never too late to be happy and grow your feelings, to feel better about yourself. I do write a blog where I talk about building confidence. Check it out via this link: https://buildingselfconfidencetud.blogspot.com/
So this week has been testing as my son has had a tummy bug, and just dropped bar of soap down the toilet, but that’s life we will get bad luck, like missing the bus, being late for a appointment when you left with plenty of time, lost something or the item you wanted in the shop has gone.
There are different forms of bad luck and I was scammed last year by an email making it was PayPal and they were going to take a payment and hacked my laptop, not the one I am using now but one I had before and stopped using it. So if you get any emails like that ignore and never give out any personal details, and contact your bank.
You may think “This is typical”, “It is always me” but it’s not. Life is full of challenges and can stop you in your tracks. Yet some good things have happened too. Like a new opportunity, which I am not going to share yet but been something I have wanted to do since a kid and love music, and had recruitment meeting about it and after posting a new blog on my site: My Books and Stories, had ten likes already: https://mybooksandstories.wordpress.com/2024/02/28/develop-stories-to-create-a-book/
Being a parent (check out my, The Parenting Adventures tips and trick), kids will get sick and it was only a small bar or soap and so all I need to do is replace it and made sure Henry is washed and seen a doctor and now on the mend, and for me I feel it is a message to not worry that I haven’t filmed for my Youtube channel or sorted out cupboard upstairs, family comes first and focus on helping my son get better and that its time you slowed down and stop doing 25 things at one time and slow down for your health and wellbeing.
We put some much on our shoulders that we feel bogged down and where we can be like “What’s the point”, but everytime you do that, the more your wellbeing will be affected by not taking action to look after ourselves.
A car needs to stop so you don’t run out of petrol and we can run out of energy because we blame ourselves for bad luck when it is part of life and not allow it to control you, but learn from it to help prevent bad luck. Like putting the soap in a soap dish and when we make sure our kids rest to get over sickness, that you rest too and take care that it not passed on to you and forget emails. with my son being off from school have been spending time cuddling and doing all we can to help each other, and our kids wash their hands and not kissing but just spending time together to get back to normality and he can go back to school and I can get shopping or do other errands and jobs on my tasks list and clean to prevent sickness and infections. Then following the doctors advise and what it states to do online to help get back from sickness.
So never allow bad luck get to you down and share what you do to handle bad luck and tips. You can leave a comment below.
Hello and welcome! It is Monday again and it is time for another Cheat Sheet which are completely free to download and please share if you wish.
This weeks Cheat Sheet is about Spending time with friends which can be so good for you and have a catch up and rather than being on your own all the time invite a friend to join you.
Social interaction can be a good source of therapy, sharing your problems and doing things you can enjoy with somebody else, like working out together, going out and share a flask of coffee or tea, and grow your relationships.
Just to let you know I write a daily blog now, that I did before and then took a break, but wanted to get back into posting on that blog site, because I enjoy it and sharing many things. Here is a link: https://mydailythougthsandfeelings.blogspot.com/
A picture I took from this weekend as I write this book, and visited Wimbledon Common on a Winter walk
If you didn’t know I have uploaded a new Newsletter so here is the link to that: November Newsletter 2023 I post one each month, and so check it out.
So getting from A to B. We spend a lot of time rushing around, travelling to different places and means dealing with delays on transport, the weather and errands you can’t avoid like getting ready for the different seasons, and Christmas can be so stressful that can make us become humbugs. Then there is dealing with emails, appointments and getting ready, if you have Children ready for school. So getting to A to B in life can come with many hurdles.
We will face challenges in our lives, and there is no avoiding them. Getting through childhood I found was hard, because I did find it hard to make friends and get to grips with things that happened, through childhood, like people dying, I didn’t understand life and death, and feared it for a while. I would live in a daydream a lot, and wished I spent more time taking it all in, and appreciated the things we did, like the weekends, where I’d played at my nans houses, did dancing lessons, whilst my brother played football. This was each weekend at a local recreation ground. We would spend time in pubs and all I wanted to do was go back home, and when those times stopped I really missed them. Those days were great and would be around lots of people that made me laugh and this was before the internet and social media and would go on some really good fun holidays. We’d go round to peoples homes, and stayed over, or they came round to us, and would squabble, trying to torment my brother a lot, and we’d have toy fights and would go to birthday parties and Christenings and it was such a brilliant time, and thanks to social media I have got back in touch with people, from those times and thankful for that.
When it comes to school and doing homework I couldn’t wait to those days to be over. Thinking and understanding my life, I actually did alright, and writing that, its the first time I felt that it was okay, and it was only the food at school that was bad, thinking about Primary School. Going on day trips, and spending time with friends and make the most of what we had in the UK, being British. It was my confidence that affected me, and feeling like I was climbing up a mountain and not making it up to the top, unless it came to playing sports or dancing, and because I would do badly in tests and remember dreading Secondary School, being so different to primary school.
I did go on to the sixth form year of my school, and felt I had a good level of freedom, but to be honest I had enough of education, and then started working, and I did write a blog about how I found work life, was good for me, and my knowledge of the world thrived and enjoyed the working environment and started going out around London, and on the first full time job, was taken from London to Lille on The Euro star and, parts I found hard, it wasn’t always great, but loved the fact I was earning my own money and forming relationships that was fun, and I am so glad I had that time to just enjoy my teens and early twenties.
It is important to enjoy the early years and when it comes to Christrmas, to embrace the people you love in your life and not worrying about it being better than the last, which I often have felt, because life isn’t a competition, and getting rid of resentment and begruding each other success, is important, because that is only going to flare other negative emotions and can lead you being alone. Pay each other compliments and really listening to people and celebrate each others achievements and how they are building their life.
Live life together and stop knocking it down.
If you feel your life is going backwards then Reset, and Relfect. This is where keeping a journal helps, going through things that you feel is causing you to have these feelings. That is what they are, feelings that can be controlled. This is where my Autumn Reset can help, and help finish tasks, to then start a fresh, and I will go through my lists and set a plan to get things finished, making sure I leave time to have some fun. Weekends I spend with my son, having plenty of exercise, watching TV I don’t always get to watch, in the week and just having time to hug, kiss and take in every minute. Life can be tiring, and it okay to be tired, we are all human, and that we spend time having a nice hot bath, read a book, doing some retail therapy, and not to be buy clothes but food we love to eat, stuff to decoarate our homes with and buying new things for our kids and bringing smiles to everyone in your life, faces.
Getting to A to B in life shapes you, depending on the paths you have chosen and if things haven’t worked out, brush yourself off and carry on.
Yes it is that time now where I share my monthly newsletter of what is coming up and share tips on various things and this month is all about getting ready for Christmas.
Life is terbulent and you made the wrong decision. How do you make it right, and can I get back on my feet? I had terrible anxiety at one time over an event that I thought was happening, when it wasn’t and then thought I was being followed and kept having fears that others were being hurt and I was frightened, and that other things were going on, and I hit rock bottom.
I was scared about my son going to school, and went into hospital and it really helped me. Life was getting too much, and going into hospital finally helped get over it. I am now back on my feet, Making sense of my life and concentrated on looking after my son, writing and getting an income again and get back out in the world and put it all behind me.
You have to move on. It takes time, and just making changes just one change, can really help you to move on and be happy and content, and become resillient and aware of triggers that an cause the anxiety and not feeling in fear and thinking terrible things were going on.
I was very depressed. I felt like the world was against me and was thinking things that wasn’t true and with help of my family, I found myself again and now I am in full recovery, I am no longer having home help, which I received by the Surrey Crissis Intervention team and then Merton Mental Health Intervention team and I am still on medication, but I no longer have to visit every two weeks or so and am back in reality and been doing courses, published another book, Mum&Me on amazon, and been looking for outside work, in healthcare and Childcare and exercising too.
My son and I spend time travelling on trains and walking. I back doing Youtube weekly vlogs, and sit down videos talking about managing my money, and have an educational channel too.
Anyway to get back your feet, live for the now and each day. I don’t want you think that I am boasting, about getting over my Mental Health problems, just showing how I got back on my feet, and this was by making sure I went to my regular hospital appointments and taking their advice, and concerntrating on the things that give me joy and understanding mental health, and using techniques given to me, to help me manage my mind and look after my wellbeing, so I don’t feel scared and that it happened, but now is over, and using what happened, to help me feel stronger than ever, and focusing on the good things I have in my life.
I want to learn about the mind, that I don’t already know and help others to rebuild their life and helping other parents, with understanding a childs mind and new interventions, and trying methods to continue to build my own wellbeing and learn using the free tools given to me, to help stop me from going back down that road. One was traffic light system, so green where it is steady and your in control of your thoughts and feelings, amber that you are in between feeling good or bad and red that you are back to having dark thoughts, following a pattern of negative behaviour and feeling low and scared again.
This is just an example. When it comes to Mental Health, it is unique for each person, but it is following good habits and educating yourself on how to manage your thoughts and feelings, It can really help you get back on your feet. Also learning not to panic and be calm if for example, my fear of losing stuff and just concentrate on finding it and having people help you and not allowing it to affect your wellbeing to take action to find what you have lost and not have sleepness nights.
I am no longer dreading each day, but look forward to what the day will bring, and keeping myself busy and enjoying my days going out and to different environments. Last weekend it was my mums birthday lunch which was a surprise and got to see my cousins again, and friends. It didn’t go smoothly, due to traffic problems and good to have a meal and catchup and would like to do that again, and was good to see those that I don’t always see because my family live in various places and so it is hard to get my whole family together, but seeing those not seen for a long time, reminded me how I have missed those times and enjoyed it, and seeing different faces and visiting new places can help, when it comes to your wellbeing and plan your days so you can have a good day without living in fear of life.
So, first of all:
Get help
Take action by making step by step changes and habits
Learning the triggers that can make you relapse and get support
Change your habits and get back into doing things you enjoy and make you feel happy about life
Get outdoors and meet up with friends and family
Ecucate and learn about your mind and share your story if you feel comfortable to help others and build a community to support each other and get back on your feet
My last blog for my yearly Life Coaching Programme “Summer Project 2023” and finishes on a high. Today I took my son with his dad to a rugby match and was a good result, but also challenging because my son is moaning a lot at the moment and so it is getting tricky for him to be happy, yet my blogs is all about being happy.
To grow this channel it is important to me in not cover over the tracks, that I talked about in this blog, that form with life, and I think it is my son saying “that he enjoyed himself and doesn’t want it to end” which I was like as a kid, and used get so upset when it came to the end of a fun day, and didn’t want it to end.
I love the weekends in doing different things that is different from the week and it is important to have things to look forward to and taking time off from everyday living, and exploring different places and enjoying every day and having a life full of happiness.
Noone life is perfect, and that is not being a pessimist, but the truth. There are always unplanned events that happen in our lives as much as we try to stop it, and when like a death of someone happens which can cause trauma, life suddenly changes and not as you knew it.
So you have to allow yourself to recover and be able to grieve that can help to recreate your life, and not get over it, but that it becomes easier to deal with and develop other relationships in your life and make amendments to relationships, and to get your life back to feeling good again and that you are worth the life you want.
Start making those changes, by changing one habit in your life a day and write down what it is you want in your life and what you want your life to look like.
So thank you for those that have liked the blogs in this yearly programme I have created and for the follows, and next it will be my Autumn Reset so, I hope you did all have a good summer and now it is time to embrace the change of season and finish tasks for the new academic year.
So this years Summer Project is nearly over and have one last blog to share. I really hope you gained something from it, and please in the comments below, give me your feedback as it really helps me grow my blogs and that you keep on liking these blogs and subscribe, and you will be alerted everytime I publish a new blog.
Self care and development is what is is all about, and making sure you put yourself first on some days and have a life you are happy with. Of course there are events that are beyond our control, like a loss of someone and something, but having resilience and determination, you can rebuild your life to be better and listen to your feelings, and address them.
Taking time out from everyday life and having new experiences and meeting new people, to build new relationships and making existing relationships stronger than ever, and being with people who will listen to you aswell as listening to them.
See that you deserve a happy life and you are worth the things in your life, and the relationships. You should treat yourself and make deals with yourself as I find rewarding helps me to get things done, and not procrastinate and taking my time, and taking it easy.
Life isn’t about rushing around, but having peace and if you can’t be bothered then it could be that you are doing too much and need to reevaluate your life and making changes, so you feel excited and not crawling through tasks, but will give you good results. Also taking a break and getting rest, so you properly recharge and feel full of energy to have a good life that you love.
Soon I will be starting my Autumn reset and so once I do my final blog then my Autumn Reset will begin and so a lot more content to come.
Everyone can build a castle 