So today I plan to go up to London, and as always my inner critic is like, what if there is a problem with the trains as I looked there was, but was the wrong train. Now have my coffee and feel that is all I needed to ignore that inner voice. I am going to as I get up there going to write my notes for my Youtube channel: My Way of Living.
I was going to go by bus, but means catching three buses and didn’t feel like it, but going to travel back by bus. As I vision myself travelling to London, come the thoughts of what if I run out of battery on my phone as I like to listen to something whilst travelling, but I am taking a book and now I have my coffee getting rid of the negative voice in my head, to listen to my positive voice.
I am meeting my mum for lunch and sent her a message after realizing that I was looking at the wrong train and going to be go through some forms, to apply for my son to do an after school club at his school and one is to sort out my income. I like travelling to London, and know its my anxiety talking and know that its just protecting me and I am letting it control me, rather than me controlling it.
That inner voice when I think about it is like a barrier coming down and need to say “Hey, don’t put that barrier in front of me, I know what is out there that can happen and not go as planned but what if it goes okay? and get the things I need to do, done?”
So, I am going to not allow my negative thoughts gain control and enjoy my day, and as I am writing and finishing this blog listening to a Mel Robbins Podcast, and it things like that, that I enjoy that helps me think positively: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast
My life has not been pain sailing, like us all, there has been ups and downs and when my mum or dad told me off I would be like, it was the end of the world and that I am right and they’re wrong, and so unfair, and would envy my brother, because he is super confident, and girls running after him, whilst I sat on a bench at school by myself.
I have had to really work on my self. I could get jealous, bitter and self centered, like “How have they earned that?”, “Oh they are showing off and trying to be super popular”, or like when I was a primary school, a girl named Sherie, was so popular and all the boys fancied her, and everyone wanted her company and be friends with her. I felt ugly and envious, that I will never be her, like I wished to be.
My mental health took a turned for the worst, and battled with my feelings for a long time. There were times when I didn’t get out of bed, and would stay in, and now I have been discharged from the Mental Health hospital, so proud of myself that I got through my fight with my mental health and not allowing my inner critic to hold me back and stop feeling that I haven’t had a exciting life compared to others, and that the world is against me.
Here are some questions to ask,
Who do you want to be?
Do you feel unworthy and that you’ll never be as good as someone in your life?
Do you feel that noone understands you?
Writing a journal, can really help address your feelings and what is it that is really bothering you?
For me it was, well if I look like that, like Sherie, then I will be as popular and the kids would want to hang with me, but that wasn’t the case and started to form friends as I gradually went through school, but it took a long time, and would have fights and arguments and was bullied. In the end I was well respected at Primary school. It took the last year to experience that, but that I had come so far, and then wanted to start a fresh beginning, at secondary school.
The feelings didn’t disappear, and got stronger. I now look back it was once again that I wasn’t fitting in, and was told by a girl that I was boring, because I was a fan of a TV show The Bill, and would talk about it a lot, and took it, and glad for her honesty and yes it hurt my feelings, but then she wasn’t perfect and would get on people’s nerves, yet we did have fun together, so I let it go.
With those group of friends, they would be into wrestling and one of my friends did canoeing, and shared our love of music. They were the ones who got me into following a rugby team and when I felt like I couldn’t buy chips in McDonalds they got them for me, and introduced me to rock music and went to concerts together, and made friends at my dancing school, and my confidence began to increase.
I have been unkind, and blocked people, because I was feeling excluded and it really was affecting me, because felt it was a personal attack. Now though I glad that they have done well in their life and now in jobs that are high powered, and looking after themselves.
Our negative feelings can rub off on others. I have been with people who would constantly be complaining. I am lucky for having the people around me that keep the roof over my head and support me in looking after my son, and at the weekend I met up with friends who I met when I was working at a holiday camp, and felt so privileged to be in their company as we had a good catch up, and that we all, trying to build our lives and be happy. I can be awkward and shy still but when you meet people, and makes you feel that you’ve never been apart, the fear instantly goes, your inner critic gets pushed away making you feel that you are worthy and people love you, and stop putting your guard up, and not allow your fears get the better of you, but make you grow and be the person you wished to be, and telling people that you love them, can help you and them. There are a lot of people I love, because they have been a huge importance to my life, and been a great influence. I am kind, I will be on time, and I will make the effort.
When you have been through trauma, it can make you angry, and “Why me?”, “What have I done to deserve it?” and often its nothing, its life, it can be unpredictable. Noone knows what is around the corner for us, and so, talking about growing our happiness, ask yourself, do you want to be unhappy all through your life? I have had to rebuild, and make sense of situations, but often there isn’t an answer. I no longer want my inner critic stop me from going swimming and going for walks, from spending time with my son, and go for opportunities, that can open many doors for me. I no longer want to be counting calories, and worrying about my weight. If biscuits are going to make me feel guilty, then I am not going to eat them, if someone doesn’t say thank you when you open the door for them, because what’s the point, they don’t care and not allow me to have a bad day, but continue to be kind and not allow their ignorance to rub off.
So lets all work together in building and growing our lives, its never too late to be happy and grow your feelings, to feel better about yourself. I do write a blog where I talk about building confidence. Check it out via this link: https://buildingselfconfidencetud.blogspot.com/
I think it is natural to think the worst, because from experience, think if I don’t worry than I worry if things go wrong and that I let the world down, because I wasn’t prepared. Our feelings can be so strong that we fear stepping another foot forward.
Life can be full of setbacks and things we come across that can knock us off, on our path for the life we want, but not allowing these to get us down and gain control so whatever happens we resilient to set backs.
I was working for a Kids Holiday Club a few years ago and it was tough and the day the Team Manager wasn’t there I was left in charge but my anxiety rose and thankfully the other girl, I asked for her to take charge instead. I felt so stupid, and getting excited of the opportunity I had really failed and that I was useless and there was a lot to do and in the end I didn’t continue with it.
To be fare it wasn’t a very good set up because it was two three playworkers with 15 children which wasn’t for health and safety perspective good and thought there would be more playworkers and more structure. A toilet ended up getting flooded, two brothers were fighting non stop and in the end the company stopped running and so I learned that if I do this again, to find out first if there will be more staff and the ratio of children.
Now though thankfully I didn’t allow it to stop me in building my life and take a different direction and would like to work with children in a educational setting and do more training to do so, and to help children with different needs, making sure I have the right support to do so, and stop jumping in with both feet and gradually build my ambitions to continue in following my dreams.
Also I have started to cook different dinners and changing my eating habits as this is a battle. I haven’t have stopped eating crisps all the time and have cut down on eating chocolate and going for the biscuits and so going to set a plan and reflect on your set backs as it can help you to have a better habits and it could be because they are so easy to reach and eating fruit can be boring and have a lot of vegetables and not snack.
I never want to have type 2 diabetes again and have a more balanced diet so have started planning meals again and still have the food I like but no snacking. I have had a eating disorder and so what to stop fighting over my eating habits but have new habits of having healthier breakfasts, nice lunches and dinners.
I am going to have breakfast later as I am not always that hungry in the mornings and continue my habits such making my bed when I get up, get dressed, get my so ready for school and taking my supplements and other medication I have to take and not battle with my eating habits, as it is tiring. Planning is the key and have been very good and continue to exercise to help be fitter and continue going swimming which I have begun to do again and training indoors.
I didn’t realise I had a Journal APP in my phone and been entering it everyday, and fill it in on want it is concerning me and address my feelings. I still like to write, but find it hard to stick too so now I got this APP makes me make sure I use my Journal APP each day, and use what ever to make things simple and easy access. Reading Atomic Habits has really helped me structure my life and not spend so long on one thing, but break it down and use what is easy access.
So as it is Sunday finishing this blog, going to catch up on Youtube and get ready for the new week ahead. I do vlogs so if you’d like to see these check out my Channel via this link: https://www.youtube.com/@typicallondongal
So it is that time, my Newsletter and this month I share, about taking a break, about Easter and how I normally celebrate it each year and ideas of gifts for Mothers day, which in the UK is the 10th March and so I hope you like this edition and if you like my newsletters then to be kept up to date on my projects and content then please subscribe.
These can be downloaded for free not cost, and there is more content to come. If you didn’t know I have three Youtube channels and check out my Pinterest:
It has taken a long time to learn about myself, and who wanted to be. There are days that I still ask myself this question, when things get challenging. For me it is the girl who loves to save, being a mum that sets a good example and play my part in helping others, and looking after those I love and inspire others to become who they want to be.
I want my life to continue to grow, and want my life to be spending time with my son, watching him grow and support him, so he becomes who he wants to be. When I feel I am being negative, I remind myself that my life is good, and it is up to me to make a difference to my life and like those people have done that for me, and lead me to helping others. My community.
You have to get to grips with of what is really important to you and who. Who makes you feel good about yourself and will give you full support in living the life you want and let your happiness grow.
I like others dreamed of being rich, but now I want to continue to build a writing community and write more books, that touch on real issues, and entertain people through writing and filming videos. I have three Youtube channels, which you can check out via these links:
I want to continue to teach my son and what he has taught me, and go on more walks and explore different places. You don’t have to be rich to do that, but be happy with life for all the wonderful things life gives, not allow setbacks bring you down, and others who may be against you.
Not everyone will like you, and think what you are doing is wrong, but you have to continue on regardless, and allow the critters to make you even more driven to be who you want.
So, it is coming to the end of 2023, and so lets get ready to say goodbye Saying Goodbye to 2023 and kick start 2024. Check out this printable:
Happy new year everyone. I have no plans for New years, so not sure if I will be posting or not, so getting ahead, and it has been a good year for me. Still a few days left, so a few things I want to do before the end of the year, but pleased with how I have been building my life, and that was my word for this year, “Building” and my Youtube channels have grown, by blogs have more followers and got likes, and the same with my social media.
My son changed schools, and has settled in well and making improvements in his learning. Check out my parenting blogs:
I enjoyed doing my Autumn Reset, my Life Coaching programme, “Summer Project 2023”, and this will continue on in 2024, dates TBC. I need to decide on videos, for my Life Coaching videos for it, and where I will publish them. I loved the walks me and my son went on and visiting Shepperton. It was so nice and would like to next time walk along the Canal.
Image I took when travelling on Uber Boat, from North Greenwich to Putney.
It was sad about Terry Venables, Kirstie Alley and Len Goodman, and many stars died, like Olivia Newton John, and Matthew Perry. So, so sad.
It reminds me that no one is invisible and you have to live your life where you can smile and enjoy.
We went, my family and I went to more shows, that I wanted to do, like saw Hamilton in the Apollo Theatre in London Victoria, for my birthday and was really good, went to Pub in the park, in Wimbledon Park, and saw Gabrielle, went to see Blippi, a children’s character who was at The Rose in Kingston, and Zog and got more shows to come. I love the London for its shows and going to see more in 2024 and took Henry to the Cinema for the first time, to see Dungeons and Dragons, and was good to see and would recommend it.
I am creating a printable and have more ideas for my content to come, so if you want to be the first to know when I put this up, then follow me and everytime I blog you will be notified.
