There was a time where I took things for granted and not opening my eyes to the world. The moments I spent with my grandparents, forgetting that one day they will be gone and like with my dad, not realising that one day I will have to go it alone without him. I am very aware now that, the small moments are precious and everyday should be lived. My life is not all put together, there is still so much out there for me to learn and not an expert of laying things to rest, and still have no sense of direction and still struggle with socialising, but I love the time I spend with my family, my son and he has really taught me a lot.

He lives in the moment and see that we are not meant to be good at everything, but why each day should teach you something. Example: Learning how from others, like my mum, my husband and from other parents. My husband today got my son to help cook and make his own breakfast. I felt a little begrudged., but that’s my own insecurity and I like cooking for my son, but if he asks to help then I need to not get nervous about it, and its my duty as a parent, as I see it, to teach him life skills, to have him learn to cook but I am no master chef so I have had to learn to cook too.

When I make a nice meal I do feel so proud, when I have not burnt the scrambled egg or invented a meal that’s gone well, feel like I could get a Michelin star for parent cooking and hope my son asks for beans on toast on some days.

I do dwell on the passed and I still remember as a kid where I got in trouble with touching someone in the flats I lived, car, when all the other kids were doing the same, but the girl who told her mum did it because she had decided not to like me. I still remember how I felt about that, but what can I do, I can’t go back but use it to learn and there will always be someone who doesn’t like you and will never see it from your opinion, as many, as learned, in customer service, have already decided what they want to hear and so when they don’t it is a travesty, to them. Your their enemy and everyone should bow at their feet and I am no, you have no morals and learned that there isn’t good in everyone and people who just want to hate on others.

I am not here to change the world and what is important to me and what direction do I want to go.

Life is full of surprises example I never thought I’d be doing this writing a blog and making videos. Dancing was my skill I naturally had and then playing football. I love coaching and teaching and was good at training others and so why I created this blog because I have find life a struggle but now I embrace it and it is taken a lot to get here, to feel this way.

I am learning that I am no rugby player, when I go to kick the ball and completely miss it and when my son wants me to do be on all fours to pretend to do a scrum, how the Astroturf hurts my knees. but its all about doing your best and my son gets annoyed with me if it takes me ten times to kick the ball that he can catch. Then he wants me to tackle him and go and get the ball. I do it because I love my son and it builds my steps and saves an argument. Yes I know I should lay down the law but makes it hard and then I am having tantrum.

When it comes to singing my son will tell me to shut up and wish I had a voice like Celine Dion and be able to bale out The Power Of Love and then visioning myself as a member of the Bangles or Cyndi Lauper. But I now work on radio and love it and getting compliments of the music I am playing, so I am never going to get a record deal so getting to play it, is just as good.

At the same time I enjoy it and that is the biggest lesson. If you don’t enjoy it, then stop feeling you have to continue. We aren’t here to enjoy everything. You’re still a human and will have dislikes and that is okay.

This blog is part of my Change Your Life training to enjoy life more and to love your life and yourself. I did my first video for it and so check this out. It is about Coming last: https://youtu.be/xOfn9eS8hxU

I will be filming another one and is completely free. Please check out my Pinterest where you will find my other blogs for this training and please give me some feedback as you are what makes it grow: https://uk.pinterest.com/thetypicalLondongal/everyone-can-build-a-castle/making-changes-to-your-life/

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X