I had a real tough time letting go of what went before. I still remember how I felt when playing in the Estate I lived, when we were running to a car and back, the girl who’s parents who owned the car told me off, even though there was others doing the same and the parent even went to see my mum, has bothered me.

Can I change what happened? Of course, no and I still remember how I felt. It made me avoid playing on the Estate and wished I had spoken up for myself. I wonder if the girl who told her mum, is thinking about that time? Probably forgotten and so now, does it even matter?

No one can turn back time, no matter how many times we watch The Time Travelers Wife or Doctor Who. If I could choose a time to go back to, it wouldn’t be that incident with that girls parents car, but to the 60’s and visiting the Kings Road.

I’d love to be around for the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth 2nd and see Elvis Presley and the Beatles.

When I was a school the girls in my class at Primary school, ripped up my cards I gave to them for Christmas. I was alerted by it, when playing in the other playground, but I wasn’t angry, I was like “ok, so what?”. I didn’t react and suddenly they all started crying. I wonder if they remember?

So when I look back now i think of the lessons I have learned. I think of now and bless each day I live. We have all made mistakes and things like someone passing, can affect us, but I know my grandparents would not want me to be sad. They would have picked me up and told me to move on.

Change is hard and there are people who are set in their ways, but life will change, it is part of it, as looking back, I can’t amend it and people move on, met other people who they now want in their life.

People grow, give birth to form a different generation and it doesn’t mean they have forgotten about you and focused on the time you took their toy in nursery, but what you say to them now and the one thing I like is to be keep in contact with old school friends and on the good times and sending messages when it is their birthday. What do you want to focus on and learned? How can you deal with the times that burdened you from the past? Journal, chat with them and often the arguments you had, have been forgotten and now you can laugh back it, rather than beating yourself up, about it.

Living in the present tense is how I have overcome the past battles. The things that haunted me, are flowing away and a I am more awake. I have let the girl who used to cry a lot, because my time with friends has come to end for the day, who got hit by other kids, got called names and think well I am here now and I love my son and family and not vision of the life I didn’t have. The girl who day dreamed all day and stayed in my room afraid to go out and love being out. The past is exactly what it is and I found that I have become wiser and strong minded. I am glad that I didn’t react to those girls that tore up my cards. Often kids who do things like that, probably wanted a different kind of reaction, which they didn’t get and a friend I made, when following a sports team said “They felt guilty” because after that time, they didn’t do it again.

I have been a bit of a twat, as French Saunders one woman show is about. I was a girl who wore a Liverpool FC cap, a Chelsea Plastic Bag and a Tottenham Scarf and was called a twat by a steward and to some they would have wanted to ground to pull them down, but I didn’t, I felt proud and why should I support more than one football team?

In the end there is one team for me, but do like to also support other local clubs and love going to see a football match and as it is down the road from where I live in Wimbledon, go to see AFC Wimbledon. I even been to see Leatherhead team play.

I would like to take this opportunity for those that have read my blogs for this years Summer Project. I have one more blog to write and then it will be my Autumn Reset.

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Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X